The past few days I have seen both the best and the worst in people. I've witnessed my Mom courageously struggling and fighting against the pain in order to recover. Her strength and determination leaves me in awe after every visit. Although she continues to be in pain, she has been undeterred in her rehabilitation and her quest to fully recovery. I'm so proud to be her daughter.
Unfortunately, I've also been forced to deal with those who prefer to live as victims in their life. Everyday problems are amplified and exaggerated due to the "woe is me" mentality. Although heartbreaking to watch, especially when it is somebody I care about, I have to learn to distance myself from their self created train wreck.
In addition to dealing with self-prophesying victims, I have been peppered with insults and complaints from someone whom I considered to be a friend. Yesterday evening I opened my email and read a curt and rude message informing me that I "don't have a heart" and that I am "selfish, arrogant, self-centered fat b*tch." What did I do to deserve such harsh criticism? I haven't carved out time in my schedule to drive 80 minutes for a visit.
Allow me to set the record straight about how I have been spending my days. I wake up about 5:00 AM, pour myself a mug of coffee and immediately begin working. Robby has been waking up around 8:30, at which point I put away my computer and concentrate on him. He is away from home, missing his Daddy, his cat and his toys. I have been desperately trying to keep him busy so that he doesn't lament being away.
We have been spending our days on an adventure that habitually leaves me either exhausted or physically sore. Around dinnertime we return to my Mom's to feed the dogs before heading to the hospital. We usually return to her house by the time it is getting dark, at which time I give Robby a bath and cuddle for cartoons. When he finally does fall asleep I grab my computer and try to play catch up on all of my assignments.
I don't resent coming to my Mom's to help her during her recovery. She has always been there for me and I can't imagine not being here. That being said, roads run in both directions. If I knew that my friend was in the area, I would have offered to make the drive. I would never have expected a friend to drive to visit me during such a hectic time. I would have visited with a pizza in one hand and a cupcake in the other, asking what I could do to help!
Between watching loved ones self destruct and being insulted, I am at the end of my emotional rope. My heart is aching, but I have to let go. I need to use my energies towards productive endeavors instead of spending sleepless nights worrying. Today, I am going to focus on letting go of those destructive forces. I can't do anything to fix the situations, but I refuse to be brought down with their sinking ship!