My Bad Mood Blog

Right now I am struggling with exhaustion, depression, guilt, and anger. None of these emotions are conducive to fostering the holiday spirit. Typically our house is bustling with activity and anticipation this time of year. We are now less than two weeks from Christmas and, to be quite honest, I really don't care anymore.

Nursing Robby through Dengue Fever has taken highest priority. I haven't baked any cookies, hung any decorations or wrapped a single present since we returned from the cruise. Seeing him in this weakened state is utterly heartbreaking.  While intellectually I know that there is nothing else I can do, my inability to "fix" this for him makes me feel like a maternal failure.

I continue to struggle with the pain in my legs and my impaired mobility. Each step hurts and has become a constant reminder of my fall and my limitations. Robby wants me to carry him but I can't because of the pain. I find this situation infuriating!

Thankfully, yesterday we received a glimmer of good news. Robby's blood work came back and revealed that of the four possible strains, Robby has the least detrimental. Of course I would prefer he didn't have it at all, but I'm holding onto the promise that his is the least dangerous. In a few days the critical period will be over, and he will begin the slow recovery process.

I apologize for not being more optimistic and upbeat, but right now I'm miserable. My legs hurt and my little boy is extremely ill with a weird tropical disease. I'm worried about him, feel guilty that he is sick, sleep deprived  and frustrated that the ramifications from a fall two weeks ago continue to haunt me.  It is no fun being an amputee mommy at the moment!