Anxiety

Robby only has 25 days of school left. The fact that I am counting down should be an indication about how eager I am to put this school year behind us. Ever since I was asked to cover my prosthesis, I haven't felt comfortable walking into that building. In my opinion, Robby's school is one of the last places I should feel unwelcome, yet now my anxiety begins to rise each morning and afternoon when I know that I have to enter those doors.

I have stood my ground, wearing shorts and a smile each day. To onlookers I have tried to exude confidence. Inside, I feel like cowering and hiding in the corner. I find myself analyzing each conversation, no matter how benign and casual, paranoid that I am speaking with the individual who finds my prosthesis so offensive. I am tired of feeling critiqued, and I can't wait to leave that school for the final time!

I wish that I actually felt the confidence I have been portraying, but for right now all I can muster is pretending. Part of me feels like a failure, that I should be far more comfortable within my own skin (albeit carbon fiber), and that I shouldn't care what the naysayers believe. Deep down, I am hurt that something that is part of me is viewed as a monstrosity that should be hidden from view.

Despite the anxiety, I have no plans to abide by the request to cover my leg. I will continue to wear shorts, hold my head up high and smile broadly at everybody who looks in my direction. Knowing that I am more than the part that I happen to be missing, I will quietly make my stand. Hopefully as the 25 days tick by, I will begin to fully embrace all of the confidence that I am trying to demonstrate!