The weekend was relatively quiet which is good because I was in desperate need of some down time. I avoided my natural inclination to stay busy with assorted projects and allowed myself to simply relax. The decompression time provided me with a glimpse of clarity into an issue that requires my immediate attention. The more I thought about it, the more aggravated I became.
I am fortunate to have a solid support base of wonderful friends
and family who celebrate my accomplishments and are always willing to
organize a posse to help me right a wrong. Their honesty has helped me
grow, and they understand and respect my goals. I would do anything to help my friends, and I know that they feel the same way.
it occurred to me that I also have a myriad of toxic relationships in
my life. From the Facebook friends whose status updates do nothing more
than make me shake my head out of frustration to the real life "friends"
who are always critical of my mistakes yet never cheer my victories, at
times I am surrounded by negative energy. I am an eternal optimist,
always trying to find the silver lining and never wanting to hurt
Unfortunately, my desire to evade a conflict
often results in my harboring hurt feelings. I find confrontation
uncomfortable and tend to avoid it at all costs. Always the consummate
peacemaker, I tend to absorb the petty actions and comments of others in
order to avoid a negative conversation. I've become adept at letting
things roll off my back, but lately I find myself growing weary of
fearing the reactions and comments of a few people.
Toxic relationships exist
a personal level, but also can occur in the professional arena. Of
course those waters are trickier to navigate, but I feel like I am just
beginning to find my way. My desire to keep everybody happy often interferes with my ability to advocate for myself.
accept my portion of the responsibility for these unsatisfactory
relationships. I have been overly accommodating, always willing to lend a
hand and work towards the greater goal. I have donated my time and my
talents towards various projects without any expectation of
acknowledgment or compensation. I fear that my generosity has resulted
in the devaluation of my skills and worth. Instead of being viewed as
somebody who is a hard working team player, I believe I am being
perceived as somebody who is easy to manipulate.
The past few
weeks have been both exciting and clarifying. I don't relish the
spotlight, but I am honored to have built a platform which I can use to
speak for our community. I expect my friends, family members and
colleagues to afford me the same courtesies and respect which I offer to
them. I am going to be 40 years old next year, and I no longer have
time for high school interactions.