The Big 4-0!

Happy Birthday to me!

Today I turn the big 4-0.  I don't feel 40, nor do I quite know how I became this old. It feels like just a few years ago I was turning 10 and happily skating with my friends at my rollerskating birthday party. There is no more denying it; I'm officially middle age. I'm surprised that today I don't feel good or bad about changing decades. Instead, it just feels surreal.

I'm tried to prepare for this birthday with dignity and grace, but I don't think that I succeeded. Instead of holding my head high, I wanted to hide under the covers and self-medicate with cupcakes. Of course taking that route would have only result in my being 40 and plump(er), which would anger me even more than being middle age!

On this the first morning of my new mature age, I've decided to act like an adult. Instead of mourning time lost and living in fear of growing old, I'm going to strive to embrace the present. I may be 40, but I still have a lot of life left. I don't feel like I'm 40, so I have no intention of acting that way!

The past 40 years were filled with twists, detours and adventures that I never envisioned. Despite everything that was thrown my way, I have adapted and tried to live my best life. I know that the next 40 years will offer as many changes and adventures. Instead of looking backwards, I'm trying to look forward to the journey that lies ahead.

Of course, remaining stoic and optimistic when slapped in the face with being middle age is easier said than done. I'm sure that my emotions will waft and wane throughout the day. I want to be happy and jovial, but then reality sets in and I am reminded of my age.  While I realize that 40 is just a number, I feel compelled to point out that it is a considerably larger number than 30.

Holding Timmy on my chest as I try to write this blog, I am also reminded that my 40's are going to be a decade full of wonderful joys and adventures. I am now the Mom of two precious little boys. I am so lucky to be able to watch them both learn and grow. In many ways, my 40's have the potential of being my happiest years yet.
 

But I still hate the number!  Screw it-  I'll just lie and tell everybody I'm 39. I should be able to pull that off for a few years, right?