Anger Brewing

The past few days I have found myself fighting back a growing sense of anger. I'm not angry at anybody or any particular thing, although given the opportunity I wouldn't mind giving my well-crafted opinions to more than a few people.  Instead of having a specific target, my ire seems to be more undefined. 

I don't particularly enjoy experiencing negative emotions, especially when they arise seemingly without cause, so I have been trying to figure out why I'm so angry. My husband's take was predictable as he blamed the hysterectomy and menopause.  Although I'm sure that there is some truth behind his assessment, I have a feeling it goes much deeper than simple estrogen deprivation. 

I think I'm angry because I feel like I keep getting kicked down every time I rebound.  I turn 41 next week, and while I'm not excited about the number, I am delighted to put this year behind me.  40 has not been easy. It has been a year of physical and emotional struggles, all of which have completely worn me down. During the past twelve months I had a re-amputation, a hysterectomy, two rounds of chemotherapy and the illness and subsequent death of my Dad. I keep trying to find the silver linings, but I am growing weary of the search. At this point, I just want to throw up my hands, scream "It has been a horrendous year, and move forward. 

So, after a few days of fuming and moping, I have come to the conclusion that this has been a crappy year. I'm tired of struggling, of being exhausted and of feeling overwhelmed. I have decided that being 41 is going to be far superior to being just 40. After all, next year has got to be better!