After a wonderful weekend, I was surprised to wake up at dawn experiencing an anxiety attack. Although they are nothing new to me, they have greatly increased in frequency since my hysterectomy. This morning's episode was rather intense, prompting me to send a note to my doctor.
I hate feeling anxious, especially when the cause is not known. It is such an overwhelming and helpless feeling, as if everything is spinning out of control and I have no ability to regain my composure. Logically I can know that none of this is true. However in the throws of an anxiety attack, logic is of little consequence.
After an hour of deep breathing and trying to clear my head, I am feeling calmer. As I write about the feelings I can sense them starting to return, so perhaps it is best if I just try to push it out of my mind and forget about it. Anxiety is such a weird beast!
During my meditation attempts, I was hit with waves of grief. Although I had a great time with my Mom, Sunday was a difficult day for me. The Indy 500 was so special to my Dad. He adored auto racing, and anticipated the race like a young child waiting for Christmas. I was surprised by the overwhelming sense of loss I felt, and worked throughout the day to keep it at bay. In retrospect, perhaps allowing myself to cry would have been more beneficial.
Today will be busy, which perhaps is a good thing. With the end of the school year approaching quickly, and Robby's birthday on Saturday, my to-do list is growing. Hopefully Timmy will cooperate today by allowing me to knock a lot off of the list. I suspect if my to-do list were smaller, my anxiety would lessen.