Introducing Timmy the Terrible

A few weeks ago I made a resolution to improve my health by eating a better diet and moving more. I knew that weight was creeping back on, and I wanted to take care of my bad habits before they spiraled out of control. In my zeal to improve my life, I invested in a Jawbone fitness tracker.

I have noticed a strong correlation between Timmy's mischievous behavior and my step count. Yesterday, Timmy the Terrible introduced himself to our family in a whirlwind of chaos and tantrums. He hurriedly moved from one naughty activity to another with virtually no time to rest. He seamlessly moved through his repertoire of misbegotten behaviors with such fluidity that I am convinced that it was a well-planned assault. Nobody will ever convince me that it wasn't planned.

As soon as I heard the cat food scatter across the kitchen floor, he was headed into the bathroom to splash in the toilet.  (Note to self, he has figured out how to open the lid. I need to get toilet bowl latches today.) I picked him up, soaking wet and screaming, only to see the toilet paper strewn through the hallway. All of this occurred before I finished my first cup of coffee.

He snatched two eggs and smashed them on the floor when I was trying to make a quick batch of cookies. He lost the batteries to every remote and screamed until he was red faced and sweaty when I dared to take my phone out of his sticky little hands. 

He calmed down slightly when we went to get our Christmas tree. He found a fish pond and seemed amused watching the occupants swim in circles. Only in retrospect did I realize that his calm demeanor was simply a ruse to gain my trust. Just as I released his hand he twirled around and grabbed a stack of greeting cards. Before I could respond, he threw them into the fish pond, thoroughly soaking the lot. Our Christmas tree was $40. The water logged cotton candy pink flamingo and lizard Christmas cards cost me $30.

By the end of the day I was exhausted. When I logged onto my Jawbone app before going to sleep, I realized that my chasing Timmy had accumulated over 5 miles. Who needs to go to the gym when there is a toddler in the house!