Facebook Memories

Facebook memories keep popping up in my news feed. While I typically enjoy seeing the photos of past years, lately the posts have been depressing. Yesterday I was reminded that one year ago I was in Texas trying to help care for my Dad. The photos that have been popping up on my Facebook wall show us sharing some of our last moments together. I look exhausted and my Dad looks sickly and gaunt. At the time I knew that he didn't look well, but it was only yesterday when I realized just how sick he looked.  It is amazing how operating in survival mode can mask a situation to make it bearable.

It has almost been a year since he passed, but I am still missing my Dad. He was my "go to" person for professional advice. While I am fairly confident on a personal basis, I continue to second guess myself when it comes to professional decisions. I wish I could pick up the phone and call him, if only to hear him reassure me that I am on the right track.

Instead I am forced to reflect on our previous conversations as I muddle my way through career crossroads. I find myself wondering what he would say when I am conflicted. In most situations I already knew the answer. I guess he taught me more than I realized. 

While I enjoy the memories that pop onto my wall, I think I am going to turn off the feature for the next few weeks. The photos hold memories that are simply too painful to constantly relive each time I log on. Again I am turning to avoidance as my coping mechanism, but right now I'm okay with it.