Despite the return to school normalcy, yesterday was horrible. I received a call which absolutely knocked me for a loop. Afterwards I spent much of the day in a tear-filled haze.
I tried to distract myself by packing up Timmy and heading to the farm. He had a blast running, hopping and playing. I tried to be happy, but I just couldn't shake my mood. While logically I knew that this was not true, I couldn't help but feel like I had failed everybody, especially my boys.
I felt like I was existing in a fog, cooking dinner and playing with the boys like a robot. I went through the motions, feigned a smile yet wasn't really feeling anything. I desperately wanted to call my Dad, to seek his advice and to listen to his perspective. I felt his death profoundly yesterday, which was perhaps the final straw. By the time the sunset, I broke down sobbing. I ate half a box of peanut butter candies, two cupcakes and went to bed.
Today I'm feeling stronger and ready to tackle the challenges ahead. I am not sure what those challenges look like, but I will try to embrace the adventure and the journey. I have adopted a new mantra, and I'm ready to take on the world!