Forgiveness

I have taken the change in our family schedule as the impetus to make drastic improvements in my life. Over the past few months I have neglected to the time to care for myself. Between managing everybody (including the Cousin Crew) and the stress of looking for a new job, I have stopped caring about myself. 

I've gained weight over the summer, leaving me both lethargic and out of shape. I'm tired of getting out of breath when playing with Timmy. I'm frustrated with having a closet full of clothes that no longer fit. My body hurts every morning and I know that many of my aches and pains can be attributed to the extra weight I am toting.  

Things finally came to a tipping point last Sunday, when I couldn't button my fat shorts. I broke down and cried, angry that I had let my self get to this point again. After moping for a few hours I resolved to make some changes. 

The first thing I did was offer myself grace and forgiveness. Releasing the self-blame and destructive inner dialog was not easy but it was imperative for me to move forward.  I began to meditate, to journal and resumed taking long comforting baths at night. Slowly, I have begun to notice a shift in my perspective.

Last week I also started working out again. I didn't start with a dramatic, lengthy exercise routine because I knew that it wouldn't be sustainable. Instead I started completing a 20 minute exercise video every morning. It turns out that Timmy loves "dancing" with me each morning. His enthusiasm has kept me motivated when I begin panting from the routine.

Between the exercises and the changes in my diet (I've halted all snacking), I'm already noticing a difference. I know that the journey will be slow, but I deserve to feel better about myself!