Hand Cuffs

Over the past few weeks, Timmy has been enthralled by playing cowboy outlaw. He loves nothing more than running through the house with a "money bag," prompting a chase and ultimately a cowboy showdown. Since Robby's cowboy hat doesn't fit his little head, I decided to enhance his experience by ordering some props on Amazon.

I logged onto Amazon a few nights ago and quickly found a child sized cowboy hat and an outlaw bandana. I also found a bank robber money bag and an "authentic" toy six shooter to complete the ensemble. When I was getting ready to check out, a pop-up suggestion came onto the screen, prompting me to add some metal handcuffs to the order. I clicked yes, satisfied that Timmy was going to be delighted with his new costume.

Yesterday afternoon the props arrived. Timmy gleefully tore into the box, excited to start putting his costume to use. Everything was perfect, with the exception of the handcuffs. It turns out that the last minute addition was not exactly child-centric.  

Instead of cops and robbers toy handcuffs, I had purchased bondage style adult handcuffs. Yikes! Thankfully I was able to snag the package before Timmy had a chance to examine the graphics, because I think that would have scarred his perspective for life.  

After throwing away the packaging, I gave the benign looking cuffs to Timmy. Out of the package, they appeared to be regular metal handcuffs. The keys, which were shaped like a penis with large testicles, were thrown into the trash with the rest of the packaging. I really didn't think much of it because I figured that  we could just disengage the cuffs with the escape button.

Timmy donned his costume while I finished tidying up the kitchen. Thursday is trash day, so I wanted to get as much out of the house as possible. As soon as my little six shooter was ready I tied up the trash and started to play.

I managed to rob the bank and fill my money bag, but I was caught red handed by the law. It wasn't until Sheriff Timmy cuffed me when I realize that these adult sex cuffs were missing the escape button. I was trapped in bondage cuffs, being held prisoner by a toy gun and my own stupidity. 

Robby came to my rescue, rummaging through the newly filled trash bag to retrieve the penis key. I tried to explain the mix up with the order, but he protested by claiming that he didn't want to know. He finally found the key and muttered that he never wanted to discuss this again. 

I was freed from the cuffs which were promptly packed up to be returned. I ordered another set of handcuffs, this time I took the time to make sure that they were appropriate kids. Although I'm fairly certain that Robby will never be able to look at toy handcuffs the same way again.