Easter

 Our Easter was uneventful but enjoyable. On Saturday night our yard was 'egged' as part of a local fundraiser.  Timmy (with an obedient Robby in tow) spent an hour running around the yard with flashlights, trying to locate each egg before the rain rolled into the area. Although the egg hunt was supposed to occur during daylight, the nighttime search was perfect fun. I loved hearing Timmy squeal with egg greedy delight with each plastic discovery.

The majority of Sunday was spent in the kitchen, working on a dinner that highlighted a favorite side from each family member. It took me 4.5 hours and three loads of dishes to prepare a meal that took about 20 minutes to consume. After dinner I packed up all the leftovers for Robby and we returned him to his dorm to finish out the school year.

This week I'm off, which brings me so much relief and happiness. My goodness I need a break! I'm looking forward to days of quiet time where I have few to no demands placed upon me.  Hopefully my dreams manifest into reality, because I suspect I'll be working around the house and finishing every project that has been put off. 

Holiday

 Two more days until Spring Break!  My goodness, I'm fairly certain that I am more excited than my students. At this point, the prospect of a solid week without obligations or expectations feels like a luxury vacation. Of course, I'm sure I will fill the time with household tasks and finishing projects that have been waiting, but for the next few days I will continue to dream of relaxation.

While our break is next week, Timmy is enjoying his holiday this week. Yesterday I surprised him by taking him to Red Robin for a late lunch. My goodness that kid loves his cheeseburgers! I feel quasi-guilty about him being home alone all day without the stimulation of his schoolwork, but he has been happy as can be by himself. He has thoroughly enjoyed riding his bike, watching television and eating snacks without supervision, and has been living his best life.  

With today being April 2, I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that April is Limb Loss/ Limb Difference Awareness Month. This year the efforts to highlight the issues faced by amputees feels insignificant. Progress is slow and sometimes battles stall. I definitely feel like the limb loss community is floating adrift without a clear direction. In the current political climate, it is difficult to make headway towards true progress.

Although Spring Break is on the horizon, I still have a few days of work left. The next two days will be busy and chaotic, especially because of the added energy of the approaching holiday.  Hopefully I will have the energy to keep up with these kiddos!  

 

 

 

Happy Mask

 I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a frustration meltdown. My emotions have been held so tightly for so long that, instead of healing, I have become a tinderbox ready to blow. Something has got to give, because I don't want to continue living life on the emotional edge. It isn't fun for anybody.

I'm beyond frustrated with my prosthesis. Last night I had to dismantle it (again) to create some makeshift buffers to stop the squeaking. Each time I have to take it apart I feel twangs of emotions that leave me feeling uncomfortable. I am angry that I am in a situation where I am dependent upon the device that isn't functioning properly. I recognize that I could start the process for a new leg, but I also don't have access to endless leave time to accommodate the fittings and appointments. From a practical standpoint, I need to hold steady until summer break. It stinks!

Although it isn't his fault, I find myself increasingly frustrated with the new cardiac lifestyle. There are so many variables to manage, and Scott seems to slip between which he feels is most important. I never really know if he is overly concerned with sodium, fiber or saturated fat. I know that this is new to him and that he is struggling to acclimate, but the changes in dietary focus are leaving me with whiplash. 

I also realized that I'm angry that we are a cardiac family. I know that this isn't anybody's fault and I certainly do not blame Scott for having a heart attack. I am just angry that our family now has to manage these risk factors and medical reality. I want our old carefree lives back, but I know that that life stage is over.  

Today I just want to scream and hide. Fortunately I have to work and my students deserve my best, so I'll have another great excuse to put on a happy mask. Right now, life feels very hard. 

Weekend

 After a week of feeling like I was licking a curb, I finally feel better. My nose is still a little congested, but at least I feel human again. And I recovered right in time, because this past weekend was both busy and eventful.  

Saturday was spent protesting with Robby before going clothes shopping. Rob was invited to a scholarship reception on Sunday and we realized that he had outgrown (again) his suit. While we didn't have time to secure a new suit, we did set him up with a nice pair of Dockers and a new shirt for the event. 

Sunday was dedicated to the scholarship reception. While I may never see my kids receive an Olympic medal or athletic award, I was tickled to be able to accompany my kiddo to the reception. I am always proud of him and his accomplishments, but yesterday I was especially tickled to be his Mom. I'm so proud of how well he is doing in college, and the person he is becoming.

My leg held up to the activity over the weekend, but I know that my time with this prosthesis is wearing down. I am feeling the lack of energy return with every step. As soon as the school year is over, I'm going to start the process for a new leg. I'm dreading it, but I know that it will be worth it in the end.

Do you have any suggestions for a new foot?  And if you know of a prosthetist in WV or NoVA, please let me know! 

 

 

Sick-still

 Oh my goodness, I'm so glad that it is finally Friday. This week has been made more difficult thanks to the pesky virus that has been nagging at me. By the time I come home from work my nose is bright red, my head hurts and I'm exhausted. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to rest, reset and start to feel normal again.  Being sick simply stinks!

Sick

 I managed to dodge the virus all school year, but this week my luck finally ran out. I came down with a wicked cold, leaving me worn out while sporting a bright red nose. I've been able to make it through my schedule, but I've been heading into bed at 7 pm and sleeping until morning. I miss seeing Timmy and Scott in the evening, but right now my body just needs to sleep.

After several days, I'm finally feeling a little better this morning. My head is clear and my throat and chest don't hurt as much. Hopefully I am on the mend because this cold has been miserable. I suspect I will still crash out early tonight, but hopefully I'll be well by the weekend.

I'm looking forward to the protests on Saturday! 

Race Day

 After a fantastic week at home, Robby has returned to school to finish out the semester. I know that he enjoyed being home and eating lots of homemade meals, but I also saw that he was getting antsy to return to his autonomy and friend group. He is also chomping at the bit to share the news of his scholarship with his professors.

Several months ago, he signed up for the Lucky Charm 4 Miler race with his Aunt Sheri. Wanting to perform at peak, he has trained for more than a month. He was nervous about the fourth mile because all of his other races have been the regular 5K distance, and concerned because he became ill after his last 5K. (It was nearly impossible to convince him that he was sick with the flu, which had absolutely nothing to do with the 5K.)

Despite his concerns, he did an amazing job. Sheri and Timmy crossed the finish line in less than 1 hour, which was his goal. He delighted in us cheering him on, and was especially giddy that his Dad was there to witness his triumph. Timmy wore his participation medal all day and it is now proudly hanging on his wall, in a prime location to be seen and admired during his Zoom class today. It looks like Aunt Sheri has a new race buddy because Timmy spent hours on Sunday looking for his next challenge.  

 

 

Heading to FRANCE!

 I thoroughly enjoyed the day that was "outside the scope of my contract." I slept in and relaxed around the house before doing some light shopping. At lunchtime, I took the boys for a hibachi lunch before they both received fresh haircuts. It was nice to have a random day off to just hang out and relax.

While I enjoyed the hibachi lunch, it was not the highlight of my day. In the late afternoon Robby received a call from a representative from the National World War II Museum. He was offered a full scholarship for Normandy Academy this July. He is going to be heading back to New Orleans before heading with his college peers to France for a week. 

I am unbelievably proud and excited for this opportunity. The trip has been described as life-changing, and I have no doubt that he will be transformed. Needless to say, the entire family was floating on Cloud 9 after receiving the news!  

 

OUCHY

 Our 'storm' day off school was uneventful from a weather perspective, for which I am grateful. The storm created devastation in our neighboring counties, so I am going to consider the day off work a gift and not complain. I would rather be waiting for raindrops than sitting in the dark, fearing falling trees.  Because the weather remained clear I was able to make a really nice dinner and we made a dent in our laundry mountain.

I probably could have completely finished the laundry, but my leg started to overreact in anticipation of the storm that never arrived. Phantom pain stinks, regardless of the situation. I employed all of my tricks, which provided enough relief for me to remain mobile throughout the day. By the time I slipped into the tub at night, my leg was beyond angry.

It was a rough night with stinging and kicking. This morning I'm tired and my limb feels sore from the constant cramping, but I'm again mobile. Hopefully my limb will cooperate with my schedule today! 

 This past weekend was busier than normal (at least for us).  Friday afternoon Scott picked up Robby from school. He is officially home for Spring Break! I'm excited to see him every day, and I know that Timmy is especially happy for the company of his big brother. Of course, I had to whip up one of his favorite dinners to celebrate his homecoming.

On Saturday, we woke up, packed up, and headed to Pennsylvania. We dropped Timmy and Friend off at my Mom's house and Robby, Scott and I continued our way to Easton PA. The boys were heading to a concert and I took the opportunity to visit with my friend Tammy.

Tammy and I ended up going to the same mall that we used to stroll in college. While it is still her local shopping center, I delighted in the nostalgia of revisiting the past. I was gobsmacked that the only thing that remained the same was the name. While I didn't overtly recognize the mall, I did have glimpses of memories as we walked around.

Sunday, we woke up early, packed up and headed to pick up Timmy. After a short visit with my Mom, we continued back to WV. I had a meeting scheduled for today and I really wanted to tackle the paperwork before it became too late. I began the paperwork as soon as we arrived home, and I'm glad that I got an early start because it too me almost 3 hours. 

It turns out that my paperwork woes were not necessary. About an hour after I logged off the computer I received a text announcing the closure of schools for Monday due to storms. I found it ironic that I worried so much about something that got pushed off, but I'm still happy that it is done. 

Today is a wild weather day. I'm nervous about the trees, but there is little I can do to minimize the risk of damage.  Stay safe today if you are in the path of the storms. 

Friend

 I'm looking forward to this weekend when I will be hanging out with my dear friend from college. Scott and Robby scored tickets to a concert in her area, so we decided to make a weekend of it. Timmy and Friend are going to my Mom and Sister's house, where he will enjoy some St. Paddy's day festivities (and lots of spoiling, I'm sure).  I'm going to hang out with my friend while the boys are at the concert. I'm really looking forward to some quality friend time!

Not only will I be seeing my friend, but Robby will be coming home for his Spring Break. It is difficult to fathom that he is almost done with his sophomore year.  Time has moved so quickly, especially since I started back in the schools.  

Robby has already sent me the list of foods that he is looking forward to devouring over the next week. I guess I'll be spending all my free time in the kitchen.  I'm not going to complain though- I'm happy that he still wants to come home and eat at my kitchen table. I know that this won't always be the case, so I'll enjoy the moment. 

Have a great weekend! 

 

Grief

 Yesterday was strange. I woke up at my normal time but, as soon as I opened my eyes, I remembered the significance of the date. 28 years ago my foot was crushed. Most years the anniversary passes as a blip, sometimes I don't even remember at all. But for some reason, yesterday the memory hung heavy on my heart.

A literal lifetime has passed since I was injured and my life was derailed. Since that sad day I have worked through surgeries, pain, loss, frustrations and curve balls to rebuild a new life. In the past year, I've seen most of what I have professionally built dismantled because it was not singularly profitable. 28 years later, I am back working exclusively in my pre-injury profession having accepted that the prosthetics industry truly only values the monetary bottom line.  

Perhaps the anniversary felt more profound this year because I am no longer in the prosthetics industry. I don't know. I do know that I was glad when the sun finally set so that I could put the date behind me. Thankfully nothing of import has happened in my life on March 12, so today should be emotionally safer. 

Riding

 Yesterday I was running around all day putting out fires (figuratively, not literally), but I didn't really mind because the weather was gorgeous. Today is supposed to be even nicer. With bright skies and warm temperatures, I'm looking forward to resuming my outdoor lessons. I've been contained within walls for far too long.

After school Timmy hopped onto his electric bike and rode until the battery was dead. I know that he is delighted to be able to go outside for longer periods of time and to again be on two wheels. I resumed my perch on the swing, chatting with him as he rode by on his loop. After a rather stressful day, it was the perfect way to wind down.

The bike is charging and readying for another session tonight. Have a great day! 

Birthday Wrap Up

 Scott's birthday was a low-key, nearly non-existent affair. Per his request, I refrained from decorating and serenading him with Happy Birthday throughout the day. Instead, I made a nice steak dinner, gave him a gift and called it a day. I knew that this birthday was going to be difficult, but I suspect I underestimated the impact. Regardless, I think we are both happy that his birthday is over so that we can put being 60 in a box and forget about it for another year.

Robby spent the weekend on campus. On Saturday he joined his Spanish class for a field trip to DC. He had a fantastic time! In fact, we didn't hear from him until nearly 11pm.  It turns out that he and his friends decided to go to the Drag Show fundraiser on campus after they got back on campus, so he kept his phone off.  I was delighted to know that Robby was having fun and I was sure that he was safe and happy. Scott was nearly frantic as the evening passed, working himself into a near frenzy. At one point he wanted to drive by Robby's dorm to see if he made it back from the field trip.  Of course he was half joking, but his worry was visible.  His reaction was almost comical if it hadn't been rooted in concern.

Sunday I spent in the kitchen, cleaning and prepping for the week ahead. The weather is going to be gorgeous, which means that my students and I can resume our outdoor adventures.  The days are always happier when I can spend them outside! 

60

 We are on the brink of an exciting weekend. Tomorrow Scott is turning 60! Unlike other decade celebrations, this year we are keeping it simple. Scott asked for a steak dinner tomorrow, and tonight we are going to pick up Robby and go out to a restaurant as a family. 

I'm doing my best to respect Scott's wishes for a calmer celebration because he is increasingly depressed about his age. I'm sure that everything feels different as a cardiac survivor, including birthdays. I keep reminding him (and perhaps myself) that he is entering year 60 healthier than he entered 59. His blood pressure is under control, he has shed 15 pounds, he works out regularly and his diet has been completely transformed. By every measure he is physically better this year, but the weight of the 'event' continues to weigh him down.

There have been so many changes for both of us that I certainly understand Scott's desire for quiet and normalcy. I suspect that he will spend his birthday on the couch watching racing, which will allow him to zone out and unwind. Have a great weekend! 

 

Sad

 This has been a rough week. Work has been fine, but my emotions have been on the brink. We have lived in this state for a year now, yet Scott and I continue to feel like outsiders. The residents of this state just don't welcome outsiders. After a year of big smiles and outgoing conversation starts, I am simply tired of trying.

I've resigned myself to the fact that I probably won't form friendships with anybody in this state. I just can't break through, and the rejection is starting to wear me down. I'm starting to no longer give a f*ck, which is not a mentally healthy perspective to hold about coworkers and neighbors.

Thankfully the cold rain is supposed to dissipate today, leaving bright skies and warmer temperatures. I'm hopeful that resuming outdoor activities again will help to bolster my mood. I always feel happier walking in the sunshine. 

Nobody Cares

 Yesterday was emotionally and intellectually draining. The marathon meeting took almost five hours, but at the end the student is going to be served appropriately, which is a huge win. While I'm delighted for the outcome, the entire ordeal simply highlighted the fact that I do not fit in socially. While all of the administrators huddled before the meeting and during the break, I was relegated to standing against a wall by myself. Again.

I spend a lot of time wall hugging in this new job. I do not feel welcome into the teacher's lounges, so I try to respect their space and not infringe. Conversation attempts are either outright rebuffed or not reciprocated. Despite my efforts at every school, I have failed to make any social inroads. My conversations remain superficial at best and I'm tired of trying.

I came home from the meeting feeling happy for the student but deflated emotionally. Scott is right. It doesn't matter if I am working remotely or in person. At the end of the day, nobody cares about the contractor.

So, I've decided to abandon any aspirations of establishing friendships. If none of these individuals want to get to know me, so be it. It is there loss, because I'm delightful. (LOL)  Instead, I'm going to focus on my students, and be the best instructor that I can be for them. They deserve it.  

Park

 What a gorgeous weekend! 

I'm going to ignore the fact that we are supposed to receive more snow tonight by focusing on the fact that it was almost 70 degrees over the weekend. It was the perfect weekend for Robby's Pokemon Go event, which he thoroughly enjoyed both Friday and Saturday.

While Robby was busy at the park with his friends, Timmy took the opportunity to go jogging. He is registered for a Lucky 4 Miler with my sister in a few weeks and he has been training. I must admit that I am impressed with his dedication. I've always hated to run, but he seems to enjoy himself. We spent Friday evening meandering through the park, with him jogging and me walking. It was a fun and relaxing way to finish a very stressful week.

On Saturday we returned to the park so that Robby could continue his event. Again Timmy went for a long jog and seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself. After hibernating from the cold during the past few months, it was nice to be outside and breathing the fresh air again.

Unfortunately tonight we are supposed to get more snow. March snow never lasts long, but at this point I'm ready for Spring. Of course, I don't get a vote in the weather so my opinion is of no import. 

Today is going to be difficult with a contentious meeting scheduled. Please send me strength and good thoughts. It is going to be a very long day. 

Saved By the Bell

Yesterday, work was rough. The mental gymnastics necessary to navigate all of the interpersonal relationships within all of these schools is utterly exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I walked into a backwards episode of Saved By The Bell because of all of the petty comments and gossip that I overhear. 

I know that gossip is present in any workplace, and that in this regard the school communities are no different. I suppose one benefit of being primarily remote was my ability to glide above the personal relationship muck. In any case, yesterday the discord felt stronger and increasingly uncomfortable. Perhaps I'm not the only person who feels on edge from current events and societal anxiety is seeping into the workplace. 

In any case, I'm so glad that it is Friday. I don't know what I am going to do over the weekend, but I hope it involves a nap and no technology.  Have a good day! 

running

 After a classmate cast doubt on the authenticity of the medal Timmy earned doing the Turkey Trot this year, he has been on his own little medal quest. Not one to be told that he didn't really achieve something, he is doubling down on his 5k prowess. In order to prove his friend wrong, Timmy decided that he simply needs more medals. So he talked his Aunt Sheri into doing a St. Paddy's day race with him and he has begun training. 

Yesterday after school Timmy hopped onto his bike and mapped out a .1 mile route around the house. With Friend at his side, the pair dutifully jogged ten laps while I sat in my swing and cheered them on. (I am thoroughly enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.)   Friend was exhausted but delighted. Running with Timmy and string cheese are Friend's very favorite things.

 

 

Secret

 I love the fact that I have been working for five months yet only two co-workers know that I am a below knee amputee. I have worked hard to smooth my gait and I am proud of the fact that it is not noticeable. At the same time, I'm proud to be an amputee and I don't feel compelled to hide my disability. Confused?  I don't quite understand myself either.

 West Virginia is a miserable place to live with a disability. Immediately upon moving to the state I recognized an increase in verbal quips and sneers when I had my prosthesis visible. My decision to wear only pants at work was a proactive move against possible discrimination. I wanted the opportunity to meet my coworkers, and to do the job, without the bias of my being an amputee. 

Somehow, five months have passed and I now feel like I'm safeguarding a secret. I've decided to wear a skirt in April for Limb Loss Awareness Month. Until then, this is our little secret.

 

Catching UP

 Happy Two-Hour Delay Day!

Although the delay has little to no impact on my personal schedule because of my later start time, I have come to love the days when Scott can relax a little longer and sleep in before heading into work. He benefits greatly from the two-hour delay, so I celebrate when they are called. Thankfully the major storm skirted past us and only brought huge white flakes that melted on contact and a little black ice overnight. 

Robby surprised us Saturday morning with a request for us to come for a visit. The majority of the students packed up and headed home on weekends, leaving the campus with an isolated feel. He planned to stay for the weekend to attend an event on Saturday night, so our visit was just for the afternoon. 

We had a great time during our impromptu visit. While I had planned to spend the day cleaning my living room and bathrooms, hanging out with the boys was a much better option.  We went shopping and had lunch at an amazing Mexican restaurant before taking him back to his dorm in the early evening. He arrived back on campus in plenty of time to get ready for his party, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

Sunday was miserable outside, so I spent the afternoon cooking and cleaning. I made beef stew, which apparently I haven't made recently because Timmy had no idea what it was. Initially he claimed it looked like "an old poor person's food." After a spoonful he happily slurped it down and even asked for a second bowl. It may look icky, but it was tasty!

Stay safe and have a great day!

 

Healing Slow

As anticipated, my pinch cut is proving difficult to heal. Because of its location and my need to constantly walk, I feel like I am undoing the healing that takes place throughout the night.  I know that it is slowly getting better, but the progress is slower than I would prefer. I'm mobile. Not mobile without pain, but mobile. I suppose, for right now, that has to be enough.

This morning I woke up to news that Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has been arrested in the UK. I grew up enthralled by all things royalty. I remember watching his wedding to Fergie and being completely mesmerized by the pomp and pageantry. To see how far he has fallen is both astounding and oddly uplifting.

This is a man who is being held to account despite his social and financial status. Hopefully we will take a lead from our friends over the pond and start looking at the men on our shores who have abused young girls.  

Hibachi

 Yesterday was wonky because our schools were open while everything around us was closed for the holiday. Because of this disconnect, more than 1/2 of my students did not show up for school yesterday. I'm not complaining though because it was a nice way to ease back into the week. As a bonus, I was able to surprise Timmy with Hibachi for lunch because my afternoon kiddos were AWOL. Needless to say, Hamlet was delighted!

Today we are waking up to a two-hour day due to ice. Sadly the decision to delay was not called until 6:40, at which point we were already up and ready for work. If the call had come an hour earlier we could have slept in, but instead we are watching TV and waiting for the time to click by.

After several days of rest, the sores on my leg have begun to heal. I'm again comfortable in my socket, although I'm continually nervous that something else will happen. Hopefully I'll be able to maintain a status quo until summer break, when I can start the process for a new leg. 

Have a great day!

 

Shook

 In the early morning hours on Friday Robby was awoken by commotion in the parking lot outside of his dorm. He viewed the heavy police presence as an annoyance because he was trying to sleep. It wasn't until he woke up that he learned the reason for the police activity and it shook him to his core.

A student at Shepherd University was 'fatally shot.' He was murdered, but for some reason 'fatally shot' is the softer explanation. Because the victim was in the same incoming freshman class, Robby recognized him from the orientation activities they participated in last year. It's hard to process when a peer dies so tragically. 

I must admit that I am impressed by the campus security response. Within moments of being notified the surveillance cameras were pulled from across campus. The assailant was identified and cornered in parking lot adjacent to the dorms. He was taken into custody without further incident, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

Robby came home over the weekend to get away from the chaos on campus. We spent a lot of time talking about senseless violence and how to regain your feeling of safety. I know he is going to be okay, but this is going to stay with him for awhile. 

Ouchy

 Yesterday was physically difficult. My Thursday schedule is always busy. I've tried rearranging the kiddos service times, but I haven't figured out who I can move without completely disrupting their existing schedule. So, I go into each Thursday morning knowing that I'm going to be exhausted when I come home from work.

Yesterday was especially painful because the pinch cut opened up about 1/2 of the way through my day. Ouch! I spent the remaining hours struggling to keep my liner from rubbing against the growing sore. By the time I finally walked into the house at the end of the day I was hobbling and walking more like Frankenstein than I care to admit.

I spent the night tending to the wound, and thankfully this morning it is scabbed over. My schedule today is rather light so my leg should begin to heal. I'm going to keep it off for most of the weekend, so hopefully by Monday morning I'll be ready to go!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, but we are referring to it as Saturday. All of the males in this house detest the holiday, so I have abandoned my aspirations of pink and red hearts decades ago. If you celebrate, I hope you enjoy your day!  

Lonely

Neosporin and Tegaderm patches have become my best friends as I try to heal my impressive pinch cut. I'm grateful that I worked out a solution so that I can remain at least quasi-mobile during the healing process. Unfortunately I've been forced to slightly modify my gate to keep the weight off of that area of my socket. This has caused muscles to hurt that I didn't know existed. By the end of the day I'm exhausted and I feel tied up like a pretzel, but I am also relieved that I made it through.

Between the pinch cuts and an increase in work frustrations and meetings, this week has been rough. I am feeling incredibly lonely, which is strange in a house full of people. I love my job and my students, but I really miss having local friends. I've tried to form friendships with co-workers, but it feels either pushed or my attempts are not reciprocated.  

I am struggling because I don't feel like I fit in. I never appreciated how difficult it is to forge friendships in your middle years. I'm just feeling very.... lonely.

 

Ouch

 Ouch.

Yesterday I ended up in the middle of a small scuffle in the hallways, which resulted in my getting shoved into a locker. I'm fine except for the ginormous and extraordinarily painful pinch sore that was created as a result of the impact. Right at the brim line of my socket, the sore slowly bled and oozed throughout the day which made working and concentrating difficult. By the time I finally came home, my liner was encased in dried blood and the skin was raw.

Sometimes being an amputee really stinks, and yesterday was one of those days!

I spent the evening nursing my injured limb, trying to coax the skin into premature healing. Despite all of my efforts, I know that it will take about a week for my limb to completely heal. In the meantime, I am going to be aware of each tenuous step. 

 

SleepOver

 Friday was bittersweet.  My dearest friend's father passed away and I traveled back to PA for his funeral. While I was sad for the occasion, I selfishly admit to being excited to be reunited with my friends. While they were the ones who were grieving, I felt like being hugged by my oldest friends was healing. 

After the funeral I went back to her house and we had an old-fashioned sleepover. It has been a hot minute since I curled up with jammies, ate ice cream and fell asleep on the couch, but it was so much fun. Our sleepover was low-key which is made it perfect.  My goodness I have missed having friends. West Virginia is incredibly lonely.

Saturday I headed back to WV. Although the wind was wicked, the drive was easy. Yesterday was spent cleaning, finishing some paperwork and cooking for the week. This week is going to be busy with meetings, so I'm trying to set myself up for success.  Have a great day, and stay warm! 

snow

 We've had a small break in the cold temperatures, allowing some of the ice to finally melt. Unfortunately it won't last long so I am trying to take full advantage of the opportunity. I hate trying to walk on and around icy sidewalks and parking lots. Although I adore a good snowstorm, I abhor the mobility hazards that are often left in its wake. 

I wish I had something more exciting to share.  The first week back to work after an unexpected snow week is tough! My legs are tired by the end of the day, and all I want to do is hop into a bath and relax. I'm not sure how much of the pain is being an amputee, or just getting old. 

 

Anxiety

 I am finding it difficult to resume 'life as normal' since Scott's latest cardiac event. I am grateful that he is well, but terrified by the 'what ifs.' I know that I need to get my head back into the game because our life as a cardiac family is not going to change. I need to learn to live with the fears, but right now I am finding comfort elusive.  Much like it did over the summer, I'm sure my fear will soften with time.

 Despite my anxiety, I'm happy that school is back in session. I've missed my students, and immersing myself into their realities helps me escape my own. I have been able to forge a unique and special relationship with each of my students. I'm so fortunate because I love going to work each day. My body is tired, but I love the job.

 

Hospital

 My apologies for not writing at the end of last week. On Wednesday Scott began to not feel well, although he could not vocalize what felt off. When he woke up on Thursday with a pain around his left shoulder, we contacted his cardiologist and decided it was best to not wait.  Thankfully he is okay! After stress and tests, he came home with an appointment to go to the cardiologist office this morning. 

I was smacked in the fact with the fragility of our lives. Rationally I know that anybody can die at anytime. But living as a cardiac family adds a different factor to that equation. My cousin died from a sudden heart attack, as he was waiting for stents, last year. I suppose I will always be worried about his cardiac health because I know that life can and will change quickly. 

On Friday Robby called from school and it was clear that he was sick. He had a diagnosis of strep and a prescription for antibiotics but no means to get the medication. It turns out that there is no pharmacy within walking distance and ride services are few and far between. I managed to get him picked up, tucked into his bed and the prescription filled before our pharmacy closed. By Saturday afternoon he was already feeling better.

After a week off for the snow, today schools are back in session. I wish I had a few days to recover from the past few days, but that is not possible. Wish us all luck today!

Movies

 Another snow day has been granted as our area continues to dig out from the snow. I have absolutely loved having Robby home, and not just because he has been a lifesaver with the shoveling. During this visit he has spent time binging the comedies that Scott and I have been begging him to watch. I loved hearing him belly laugh as he experienced Austin Powers for the first time.

When he isn't working on his school work, shoveling or watching movies, Robby has been playing with Timmy in the snow. Yesterday the pair ventured into a different section of our woods and discovered what they have dubbed as "tire land." I love the joy on Timmy's face in the photo Robby snapped.

To celebrate being completely shoveled out, we went to Waffle House for dinner. (The restaurant is the closest to our house and we were unsure about the rest of the roads.) The boys had a blast and thoroughly enjoyed our breakfast for dinner surprise. Unfortunately, Timmy started to react to the cold in the restaurant and we needed to finish our meal quickly so we could get him home and warmed up.

Today I expect we will be returning Robby to his dorm. I have a hard time believing that they are going to close his school for another day. We will see...

 

 

 

Family Hero

 I must admit, I have been anxious about how we are going to tackle snow removal. I know that many repeat heart attacks occur when the individual is shoveling heavy snow. I would like to avoid this scenario! I also tried to quell my anxiety by reminding myself that Scott is in better shape now than he was last winter. He has been dutiful about maintaining a new diet and exercise regime. He has continued with his cardiac therapy exercises by going to the gym 3-4 times a week. From a physical perspective, Scott is stronger and healthier than he has been in decades. Regardless of these facts, I continue to worry.

I am extraordinarily proud of Robby because he didn't give Scott the option of clearing the driveway. Yesterday morning he woke up and immediately put on his snow clothes. After a brief instruction from Scott on the snowblower operation, Robby got to work.   Our electric snow blower struggled to break through the layer of ice that landed atop our wonderland, making it more difficult to reach the asphalt.  It took Robby nearly 3 hours to clear both driveways, but he never stopped or complained. 

After resting from clearing the driveway, Robby again geared up to head into the woods with Timmy in the afternoon. Timmy was delighted to discover his brother standing outside his classroom door, dressed for a snowy adventure. My goodness Timmy changed into his snow clothes in record time!

The pair explored the woods for over an hour, returning ready for dinner and eager to tell us about the bear tracks that they discovered. (Robby did convince Timmy that following them was a bad idea.) 

 I suspect that Robby will need to return to his dorm tonight, but I will certainly miss him. He has stepped into the 'family snow hero' role.

 

SNOW

 Snow!

After waiting for a decade, we have finally had another whopper of a storm. By the times the last flake fell, we measured 10 inches. While not the 20 we had anticipated, the layer of sleet on top has made the yard perfect for sledding. 

Yesterday was too snowy and cold for the boys to go out to play during the day. Timmy did go out at night for a few minutes, but he came in looking and feeling like an icicle. Today it is supposed to warm up a few degrees, so I anticipate a lot of snow play in their future.

In anticipation of the storm, Robby's college closed until Wednesday. Scott was able to pick him up before the storm, so we are all snowed in together. I am not going to lie, it is wonderful to be "stuck" at home with everybody. There is something relaxing about watching movies in front of the fireplace while the snow storm is raging outside. 

Today Scott and Robby will work on digging us out. Hopefully our new snowblower is up to the task! They have a few days because our schools are closed until at least Wednesday. While they are outside, I'll be baking bread and cookies inside.   

Waiting?

 I was asked about the status of my prosthesis and my plans for acquiring a new leg.  Right now my device is manageable. Is it broken? Yes. It squeaks and clicks but I have learned how to pad the mechanism to mask the sound. I know that I need a new one, but I also recognize the time commitment that will require.

In order to obtain a completely comfortable new prosthesis, I am going to need to go to at least four appointments. One with a medical doctor to confirm that I am still an amputee, and at least three to the prosthetist to mold, fit and tweak the socket. It is going to take several afternoons and I don't have the time right now.

I am hoping that my leg can hold out until June. School is over the first week in June and I will have the entire summer to get the fit perfect. At this point, although my foot is technically broken, I'm still comfortable and mobile. I do so much walking everyday that I simply don't want to risk my existing comfort. 

Of course this plan could switch in a moment. Hopefully the device will wait until June, because it is the most convenient. Unfortunately, convenience and amputee life are not synonymous.  

Foil

 Robby spent the weekend working on an essay detailing a time he overcame a stressful situation. I was not surprised that he chose to share his Dad's heart attack in his writing. Although logically Robby knows that the event was not his fault, the timing fits a different narrative. He continues to blame himself because his Dad was helping him move heavy boxes from the third floor of his dormitory. 

I read Robby's essay and I could see my little boy processing his pain and fears. As the months have passed and we have adjusted to our new normal as a cardiac family, I had assumed that Robby had fully processed and boxed his misguided guilt. Obviously I was wrong, and I feel like I have failed him.

Scott read the essay and became despondent that his heart attack negatively impacted his son. While I understand his perspective, I have to admit that my threshold for mollycoddling on that particular issue is low. The reality is that I have been the foil for every 'personal' essay that the boys have ever written. The 'my amputee mom taught me' is an easy prompt that both have fully explored through their directed writings. This is the first time that I have not been the topic, which honestly feels refreshing.

I hope Robby will allow me to share his essay.   

MLK Jr.

 Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Typically it is designated as a day to volunteer and to give back to the community. Instead, today I will join my friends in the streets at a friendly, peaceful, protected protest. I can't imagine spending the day anywhere else.

After a short week back at school Robby came home for the weekend. He is planning on staying for the next few weekends, so this will be his last visit for awhile. I thoroughly enjoyed having him home and helping him get organized for the new semester. His courses sound so interesting I wish I could return to college!

Unfortunately, Robby's visit has caused Timmy's jealousy to go into overdrive. I suppose he rather enjoyed his taste of being the 'only child' for a few days. While I will miss Robby when he returns to the dorm, I don't think I can say the same for his little brother. I know that Timmy will miss him, it will just take awhile.

Shoe Tying

 Yikes. It's cold this morning, and the temps are only going to drop. Let me tell you, my leg is feeling every single temperature plunge. My phantom pain has been omnipresent over the past few days. It hasn't been severe enough to medicate, but it is always in the background, lurking and reminding me that I could be struck down by at any moment.

It's exhausting!

Today I will be in meetings for the majority of the day which is a mixed blessing. I'm happy to be off my foot and out of the cold temperatures, but I abhor sitting around a table for hours on end. I would much rather be spending the time with my students.

Speaking of my students, I'm hoping somebody may be able to help me. I need to teach a kiddo how to tie her shoes (she is losing recess because she lacks the skill). Unfortunately for her, I am really bad at teaching shoe tying.  If you have any tips, tricks or video tutorials, please send them my way!

 

F*ck ICE

 I am devastated that we now live in a country where our streets are being roamed by the federal police. ICE  has moved the needle on hate in this country. Individuals are now not only saying but are acting upon their most vile racist thoughts. As a student of history by default, I am both scared and disgusted by what we have become.

This is the 250th birthday of our country. If you know me at all, you know I love a themed year. Oh my goodness I could get behind this party if times were better. But right now, the celebrations for our country are so tightly linked to MAGA and their 2025 agenda that I cannot fathom participating. 

This morning I am late posting because I had to rework my schedule. ICE is in the area and I cannot fathom risking exposing my blind non-white students to their taunts and grudges. The fact that this is our reality disgusts me.

We need to collectively rise up.  

 

Back to School

 After sleeping nearly all day on Friday, I began to feel better by Saturday. Although I was still fatigued and experiencing mild vertigo, I was functional. By Sunday I was feeling like myself again, which was good timing because I needed all my energy to help get Robby packed and moved back into the dorm.

It is hard to believe that another break has come to a close, and that my Koopa is beginning his fourth semester in college. How did that happen?! This semester he is beginning to tiptoe into his major with some niche coursework. I'm excited for him to finally be taking classes around Historical Preservation. I hope that he loves it as much as he anticipates.

Although we were sad to see Robby go back to school he was excited to return. After the obligatory move-in dinner, he spent the evening hanging out with his friends and getting settled. I'm going to miss him but I know he is happy to be back with his friends and his independent college life. (It's hard moving back home after you've had a taste of dorm life!)

The house is quiet this morning but I know we will adjust. Here's hoping he has a good first day of classes!

 

Sick Day

 Unfortunately my Mom's fracture has not healed as much as we would like, she she is in a brace for at least another four weeks. On a positive side, the brace is jointed so she can now bend her knee as she ambulates around the house. I know that she is miserable, but hopefully the new brace will make her confinement more tolerable. 

Yesterday I woke up early, helped put on my Mom's new brace and headed back to WV for work. It was a long day made longer by an emerging cold. By the time I finished with my final student I was dragging and my fever was spiking.  

It looks like today is my first sick day. 

Wonky Schedule

 So far my leg has been adjusting well to my return to work schedule, although the assessment may not be accurate. My schedule has been stacked with meetings, which means I have been sitting a lot when usually I would be walking with my students. Spoiler alert- I really miss walking with my students. 

Today is going to be wonky because I'm driving to my Mom's after work to take her for her leg check-up. Because I don't like to drive at night, I'll be staying at her house tonight and leaving early to get back for my first student on Friday. Thankfully Robby will be home tomorrow morning to make sure that Timmy is awake and ready for school. 

It's been nearly 9 weeks since my Mom broke her leg. While she has been a trooper, I know that the brace is becoming a frustration. We are really hoping that she is cleared to begin PT. Once she leaves the "wait to heal" phase and enters the "work for it" stage, I know that she will be in a much better headspace. It's always easier when you are actively working towards a goal. 

 

Fingers crossed for a good doctor report! 

Monument

Over the holiday my Mom, sister and I started to investigate retirement property for my brother in her local cemetery.  Since Jae's was shot and killed by Officer John Ellen of Travis County Texas, his ashes have resided in my Mom's closet. With the two year anniversary of him being gunned down while blind and in a wheelchair quickly approaching, we are feeling ready to lay him to rest. I think we all need a proper place to go and mourn Jae.

Shopping for cemetery plots is an odd experience and one which I am not eager to repeat. After looking at the cemetery, both my sister and my mom have decided that they would also like to rest there when the time comes. I suppose it will make it easier having everybody together, but the thought unnerves me.

Of course, the process of shopping for plots brought my own mortality to mind. Where do I want to be buried? I don't know. I really don't care. I figure that Scott and/or the boys can make that decision when the time comes. 

 I've long admired the monuments erected throughout Europe. Privately and in the inner recesses of my dreams, I suppose that I still haven't abandoned my aspirations of achieving something so monumental for society that a monument is erected in my honor in a public square when I die. On a whim I asked AI to generate a rendering.  It made me chuckle, so I hope it makes you smile too. I think I look pretty good in marble!

 And completely unrelated, but since this is my blog and I know you're reading...  

 

 

Ouch

 After a week of hobbling around on a sore stump, my leg is finally healed and comfortable. (Or, as comfortable as I am going to be with a broken foot.) Ambulating last week was laborious and painful. Each step was exhausting as it stressed other muscle groups in order to off load the weight from my sores. It took several days of not walking and lots of blister care wraps to get my leg healed and ready to return to work this week.

Is my leg ready? It is more comfortable than it was when I entered our winter break, but I am definitely not cozy. I am hoping that it is healed enough that my walking won't cause more damage and that I will continue to improve. I'm out of time, so fingers crossed the skin holds!

Today everybody returns to school except for Robby, who has a few more weeks at home before beginning his next semester. Timmy voiced his obligatory complaints about returning to class but I also know that he has really missed his friends. The morning wake up will probably be a little shocking for his system, but I expect him to resume his school schedule without much issue. 

It's hard to believe that winter break has come and gone, but I'm ready to get back at it. I've missed my students and my sense of purpose. Have a great day, and I'll see you tomorrow!