Healing Slow

As anticipated, my pinch cut is proving difficult to heal. Because of its location and my need to constantly walk, I feel like I am undoing the healing that takes place throughout the night.  I know that it is slowly getting better, but the progress is slower than I would prefer. I'm mobile. Not mobile without pain, but mobile. I suppose, for right now, that has to be enough.

This morning I woke up to news that Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has been arrested in the UK. I grew up enthralled by all things royalty. I remember watching his wedding to Fergie and being completely mesmerized by the pomp and pageantry. To see how far he has fallen is both astounding and oddly uplifting.

This is a man who is being held to account despite his social and financial status. Hopefully we will take a lead from our friends over the pond and start looking at the men on our shores who have abused young girls.  

Hibachi

 Yesterday was wonky because our schools were open while everything around us was closed for the holiday. Because of this disconnect, more than 1/2 of my students did not show up for school yesterday. I'm not complaining though because it was a nice way to ease back into the week. As a bonus, I was able to surprise Timmy with Hibachi for lunch because my afternoon kiddos were AWOL. Needless to say, Hamlet was delighted!

Today we are waking up to a two-hour day due to ice. Sadly the decision to delay was not called until 6:40, at which point we were already up and ready for work. If the call had come an hour earlier we could have slept in, but instead we are watching TV and waiting for the time to click by.

After several days of rest, the sores on my leg have begun to heal. I'm again comfortable in my socket, although I'm continually nervous that something else will happen. Hopefully I'll be able to maintain a status quo until summer break, when I can start the process for a new leg. 

Have a great day!

 

Shook

 In the early morning hours on Friday Robby was awoken by commotion in the parking lot outside of his dorm. He viewed the heavy police presence as an annoyance because he was trying to sleep. It wasn't until he woke up that he learned the reason for the police activity and it shook him to his core.

A student at Shepherd University was 'fatally shot.' He was murdered, but for some reason 'fatally shot' is the softer explanation. Because the victim was in the same incoming freshman class, Robby recognized him from the orientation activities they participated in last year. It's hard to process when a peer dies so tragically. 

I must admit that I am impressed by the campus security response. Within moments of being notified the surveillance cameras were pulled from across campus. The assailant was identified and cornered in parking lot adjacent to the dorms. He was taken into custody without further incident, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

Robby came home over the weekend to get away from the chaos on campus. We spent a lot of time talking about senseless violence and how to regain your feeling of safety. I know he is going to be okay, but this is going to stay with him for awhile. 

Ouchy

 Yesterday was physically difficult. My Thursday schedule is always busy. I've tried rearranging the kiddos service times, but I haven't figured out who I can move without completely disrupting their existing schedule. So, I go into each Thursday morning knowing that I'm going to be exhausted when I come home from work.

Yesterday was especially painful because the pinch cut opened up about 1/2 of the way through my day. Ouch! I spent the remaining hours struggling to keep my liner from rubbing against the growing sore. By the time I finally walked into the house at the end of the day I was hobbling and walking more like Frankenstein than I care to admit.

I spent the night tending to the wound, and thankfully this morning it is scabbed over. My schedule today is rather light so my leg should begin to heal. I'm going to keep it off for most of the weekend, so hopefully by Monday morning I'll be ready to go!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, but we are referring to it as Saturday. All of the males in this house detest the holiday, so I have abandoned my aspirations of pink and red hearts decades ago. If you celebrate, I hope you enjoy your day!  

Lonely

Neosporin and Tegaderm patches have become my best friends as I try to heal my impressive pinch cut. I'm grateful that I worked out a solution so that I can remain at least quasi-mobile during the healing process. Unfortunately I've been forced to slightly modify my gate to keep the weight off of that area of my socket. This has caused muscles to hurt that I didn't know existed. By the end of the day I'm exhausted and I feel tied up like a pretzel, but I am also relieved that I made it through.

Between the pinch cuts and an increase in work frustrations and meetings, this week has been rough. I am feeling incredibly lonely, which is strange in a house full of people. I love my job and my students, but I really miss having local friends. I've tried to form friendships with co-workers, but it feels either pushed or my attempts are not reciprocated.  

I am struggling because I don't feel like I fit in. I never appreciated how difficult it is to forge friendships in your middle years. I'm just feeling very.... lonely.

 

Ouch

 Ouch.

Yesterday I ended up in the middle of a small scuffle in the hallways, which resulted in my getting shoved into a locker. I'm fine except for the ginormous and extraordinarily painful pinch sore that was created as a result of the impact. Right at the brim line of my socket, the sore slowly bled and oozed throughout the day which made working and concentrating difficult. By the time I finally came home, my liner was encased in dried blood and the skin was raw.

Sometimes being an amputee really stinks, and yesterday was one of those days!

I spent the evening nursing my injured limb, trying to coax the skin into premature healing. Despite all of my efforts, I know that it will take about a week for my limb to completely heal. In the meantime, I am going to be aware of each tenuous step. 

 

SleepOver

 Friday was bittersweet.  My dearest friend's father passed away and I traveled back to PA for his funeral. While I was sad for the occasion, I selfishly admit to being excited to be reunited with my friends. While they were the ones who were grieving, I felt like being hugged by my oldest friends was healing. 

After the funeral I went back to her house and we had an old-fashioned sleepover. It has been a hot minute since I curled up with jammies, ate ice cream and fell asleep on the couch, but it was so much fun. Our sleepover was low-key which is made it perfect.  My goodness I have missed having friends. West Virginia is incredibly lonely.

Saturday I headed back to WV. Although the wind was wicked, the drive was easy. Yesterday was spent cleaning, finishing some paperwork and cooking for the week. This week is going to be busy with meetings, so I'm trying to set myself up for success.  Have a great day, and stay warm! 

snow

 We've had a small break in the cold temperatures, allowing some of the ice to finally melt. Unfortunately it won't last long so I am trying to take full advantage of the opportunity. I hate trying to walk on and around icy sidewalks and parking lots. Although I adore a good snowstorm, I abhor the mobility hazards that are often left in its wake. 

I wish I had something more exciting to share.  The first week back to work after an unexpected snow week is tough! My legs are tired by the end of the day, and all I want to do is hop into a bath and relax. I'm not sure how much of the pain is being an amputee, or just getting old. 

 

Anxiety

 I am finding it difficult to resume 'life as normal' since Scott's latest cardiac event. I am grateful that he is well, but terrified by the 'what ifs.' I know that I need to get my head back into the game because our life as a cardiac family is not going to change. I need to learn to live with the fears, but right now I am finding comfort elusive.  Much like it did over the summer, I'm sure my fear will soften with time.

 Despite my anxiety, I'm happy that school is back in session. I've missed my students, and immersing myself into their realities helps me escape my own. I have been able to forge a unique and special relationship with each of my students. I'm so fortunate because I love going to work each day. My body is tired, but I love the job.

 

Hospital

 My apologies for not writing at the end of last week. On Wednesday Scott began to not feel well, although he could not vocalize what felt off. When he woke up on Thursday with a pain around his left shoulder, we contacted his cardiologist and decided it was best to not wait.  Thankfully he is okay! After stress and tests, he came home with an appointment to go to the cardiologist office this morning. 

I was smacked in the fact with the fragility of our lives. Rationally I know that anybody can die at anytime. But living as a cardiac family adds a different factor to that equation. My cousin died from a sudden heart attack, as he was waiting for stents, last year. I suppose I will always be worried about his cardiac health because I know that life can and will change quickly. 

On Friday Robby called from school and it was clear that he was sick. He had a diagnosis of strep and a prescription for antibiotics but no means to get the medication. It turns out that there is no pharmacy within walking distance and ride services are few and far between. I managed to get him picked up, tucked into his bed and the prescription filled before our pharmacy closed. By Saturday afternoon he was already feeling better.

After a week off for the snow, today schools are back in session. I wish I had a few days to recover from the past few days, but that is not possible. Wish us all luck today!

Movies

 Another snow day has been granted as our area continues to dig out from the snow. I have absolutely loved having Robby home, and not just because he has been a lifesaver with the shoveling. During this visit he has spent time binging the comedies that Scott and I have been begging him to watch. I loved hearing him belly laugh as he experienced Austin Powers for the first time.

When he isn't working on his school work, shoveling or watching movies, Robby has been playing with Timmy in the snow. Yesterday the pair ventured into a different section of our woods and discovered what they have dubbed as "tire land." I love the joy on Timmy's face in the photo Robby snapped.

To celebrate being completely shoveled out, we went to Waffle House for dinner. (The restaurant is the closest to our house and we were unsure about the rest of the roads.) The boys had a blast and thoroughly enjoyed our breakfast for dinner surprise. Unfortunately, Timmy started to react to the cold in the restaurant and we needed to finish our meal quickly so we could get him home and warmed up.

Today I expect we will be returning Robby to his dorm. I have a hard time believing that they are going to close his school for another day. We will see...

 

 

 

Family Hero

 I must admit, I have been anxious about how we are going to tackle snow removal. I know that many repeat heart attacks occur when the individual is shoveling heavy snow. I would like to avoid this scenario! I also tried to quell my anxiety by reminding myself that Scott is in better shape now than he was last winter. He has been dutiful about maintaining a new diet and exercise regime. He has continued with his cardiac therapy exercises by going to the gym 3-4 times a week. From a physical perspective, Scott is stronger and healthier than he has been in decades. Regardless of these facts, I continue to worry.

I am extraordinarily proud of Robby because he didn't give Scott the option of clearing the driveway. Yesterday morning he woke up and immediately put on his snow clothes. After a brief instruction from Scott on the snowblower operation, Robby got to work.   Our electric snow blower struggled to break through the layer of ice that landed atop our wonderland, making it more difficult to reach the asphalt.  It took Robby nearly 3 hours to clear both driveways, but he never stopped or complained. 

After resting from clearing the driveway, Robby again geared up to head into the woods with Timmy in the afternoon. Timmy was delighted to discover his brother standing outside his classroom door, dressed for a snowy adventure. My goodness Timmy changed into his snow clothes in record time!

The pair explored the woods for over an hour, returning ready for dinner and eager to tell us about the bear tracks that they discovered. (Robby did convince Timmy that following them was a bad idea.) 

 I suspect that Robby will need to return to his dorm tonight, but I will certainly miss him. He has stepped into the 'family snow hero' role.

 

SNOW

 Snow!

After waiting for a decade, we have finally had another whopper of a storm. By the times the last flake fell, we measured 10 inches. While not the 20 we had anticipated, the layer of sleet on top has made the yard perfect for sledding. 

Yesterday was too snowy and cold for the boys to go out to play during the day. Timmy did go out at night for a few minutes, but he came in looking and feeling like an icicle. Today it is supposed to warm up a few degrees, so I anticipate a lot of snow play in their future.

In anticipation of the storm, Robby's college closed until Wednesday. Scott was able to pick him up before the storm, so we are all snowed in together. I am not going to lie, it is wonderful to be "stuck" at home with everybody. There is something relaxing about watching movies in front of the fireplace while the snow storm is raging outside. 

Today Scott and Robby will work on digging us out. Hopefully our new snowblower is up to the task! They have a few days because our schools are closed until at least Wednesday. While they are outside, I'll be baking bread and cookies inside.   

Waiting?

 I was asked about the status of my prosthesis and my plans for acquiring a new leg.  Right now my device is manageable. Is it broken? Yes. It squeaks and clicks but I have learned how to pad the mechanism to mask the sound. I know that I need a new one, but I also recognize the time commitment that will require.

In order to obtain a completely comfortable new prosthesis, I am going to need to go to at least four appointments. One with a medical doctor to confirm that I am still an amputee, and at least three to the prosthetist to mold, fit and tweak the socket. It is going to take several afternoons and I don't have the time right now.

I am hoping that my leg can hold out until June. School is over the first week in June and I will have the entire summer to get the fit perfect. At this point, although my foot is technically broken, I'm still comfortable and mobile. I do so much walking everyday that I simply don't want to risk my existing comfort. 

Of course this plan could switch in a moment. Hopefully the device will wait until June, because it is the most convenient. Unfortunately, convenience and amputee life are not synonymous.  

Foil

 Robby spent the weekend working on an essay detailing a time he overcame a stressful situation. I was not surprised that he chose to share his Dad's heart attack in his writing. Although logically Robby knows that the event was not his fault, the timing fits a different narrative. He continues to blame himself because his Dad was helping him move heavy boxes from the third floor of his dormitory. 

I read Robby's essay and I could see my little boy processing his pain and fears. As the months have passed and we have adjusted to our new normal as a cardiac family, I had assumed that Robby had fully processed and boxed his misguided guilt. Obviously I was wrong, and I feel like I have failed him.

Scott read the essay and became despondent that his heart attack negatively impacted his son. While I understand his perspective, I have to admit that my threshold for mollycoddling on that particular issue is low. The reality is that I have been the foil for every 'personal' essay that the boys have ever written. The 'my amputee mom taught me' is an easy prompt that both have fully explored through their directed writings. This is the first time that I have not been the topic, which honestly feels refreshing.

I hope Robby will allow me to share his essay.   

MLK Jr.

 Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Typically it is designated as a day to volunteer and to give back to the community. Instead, today I will join my friends in the streets at a friendly, peaceful, protected protest. I can't imagine spending the day anywhere else.

After a short week back at school Robby came home for the weekend. He is planning on staying for the next few weekends, so this will be his last visit for awhile. I thoroughly enjoyed having him home and helping him get organized for the new semester. His courses sound so interesting I wish I could return to college!

Unfortunately, Robby's visit has caused Timmy's jealousy to go into overdrive. I suppose he rather enjoyed his taste of being the 'only child' for a few days. While I will miss Robby when he returns to the dorm, I don't think I can say the same for his little brother. I know that Timmy will miss him, it will just take awhile.

Shoe Tying

 Yikes. It's cold this morning, and the temps are only going to drop. Let me tell you, my leg is feeling every single temperature plunge. My phantom pain has been omnipresent over the past few days. It hasn't been severe enough to medicate, but it is always in the background, lurking and reminding me that I could be struck down by at any moment.

It's exhausting!

Today I will be in meetings for the majority of the day which is a mixed blessing. I'm happy to be off my foot and out of the cold temperatures, but I abhor sitting around a table for hours on end. I would much rather be spending the time with my students.

Speaking of my students, I'm hoping somebody may be able to help me. I need to teach a kiddo how to tie her shoes (she is losing recess because she lacks the skill). Unfortunately for her, I am really bad at teaching shoe tying.  If you have any tips, tricks or video tutorials, please send them my way!

 

F*ck ICE

 I am devastated that we now live in a country where our streets are being roamed by the federal police. ICE  has moved the needle on hate in this country. Individuals are now not only saying but are acting upon their most vile racist thoughts. As a student of history by default, I am both scared and disgusted by what we have become.

This is the 250th birthday of our country. If you know me at all, you know I love a themed year. Oh my goodness I could get behind this party if times were better. But right now, the celebrations for our country are so tightly linked to MAGA and their 2025 agenda that I cannot fathom participating. 

This morning I am late posting because I had to rework my schedule. ICE is in the area and I cannot fathom risking exposing my blind non-white students to their taunts and grudges. The fact that this is our reality disgusts me.

We need to collectively rise up.  

 

Back to School

 After sleeping nearly all day on Friday, I began to feel better by Saturday. Although I was still fatigued and experiencing mild vertigo, I was functional. By Sunday I was feeling like myself again, which was good timing because I needed all my energy to help get Robby packed and moved back into the dorm.

It is hard to believe that another break has come to a close, and that my Koopa is beginning his fourth semester in college. How did that happen?! This semester he is beginning to tiptoe into his major with some niche coursework. I'm excited for him to finally be taking classes around Historical Preservation. I hope that he loves it as much as he anticipates.

Although we were sad to see Robby go back to school he was excited to return. After the obligatory move-in dinner, he spent the evening hanging out with his friends and getting settled. I'm going to miss him but I know he is happy to be back with his friends and his independent college life. (It's hard moving back home after you've had a taste of dorm life!)

The house is quiet this morning but I know we will adjust. Here's hoping he has a good first day of classes!

 

Sick Day

 Unfortunately my Mom's fracture has not healed as much as we would like, she she is in a brace for at least another four weeks. On a positive side, the brace is jointed so she can now bend her knee as she ambulates around the house. I know that she is miserable, but hopefully the new brace will make her confinement more tolerable. 

Yesterday I woke up early, helped put on my Mom's new brace and headed back to WV for work. It was a long day made longer by an emerging cold. By the time I finished with my final student I was dragging and my fever was spiking.  

It looks like today is my first sick day. 

Wonky Schedule

 So far my leg has been adjusting well to my return to work schedule, although the assessment may not be accurate. My schedule has been stacked with meetings, which means I have been sitting a lot when usually I would be walking with my students. Spoiler alert- I really miss walking with my students. 

Today is going to be wonky because I'm driving to my Mom's after work to take her for her leg check-up. Because I don't like to drive at night, I'll be staying at her house tonight and leaving early to get back for my first student on Friday. Thankfully Robby will be home tomorrow morning to make sure that Timmy is awake and ready for school. 

It's been nearly 9 weeks since my Mom broke her leg. While she has been a trooper, I know that the brace is becoming a frustration. We are really hoping that she is cleared to begin PT. Once she leaves the "wait to heal" phase and enters the "work for it" stage, I know that she will be in a much better headspace. It's always easier when you are actively working towards a goal. 

 

Fingers crossed for a good doctor report! 

Monument

Over the holiday my Mom, sister and I started to investigate retirement property for my brother in her local cemetery.  Since Jae's was shot and killed by Officer John Ellen of Travis County Texas, his ashes have resided in my Mom's closet. With the two year anniversary of him being gunned down while blind and in a wheelchair quickly approaching, we are feeling ready to lay him to rest. I think we all need a proper place to go and mourn Jae.

Shopping for cemetery plots is an odd experience and one which I am not eager to repeat. After looking at the cemetery, both my sister and my mom have decided that they would also like to rest there when the time comes. I suppose it will make it easier having everybody together, but the thought unnerves me.

Of course, the process of shopping for plots brought my own mortality to mind. Where do I want to be buried? I don't know. I really don't care. I figure that Scott and/or the boys can make that decision when the time comes. 

 I've long admired the monuments erected throughout Europe. Privately and in the inner recesses of my dreams, I suppose that I still haven't abandoned my aspirations of achieving something so monumental for society that a monument is erected in my honor in a public square when I die. On a whim I asked AI to generate a rendering.  It made me chuckle, so I hope it makes you smile too. I think I look pretty good in marble!

 And completely unrelated, but since this is my blog and I know you're reading...  

 

 

Ouch

 After a week of hobbling around on a sore stump, my leg is finally healed and comfortable. (Or, as comfortable as I am going to be with a broken foot.) Ambulating last week was laborious and painful. Each step was exhausting as it stressed other muscle groups in order to off load the weight from my sores. It took several days of not walking and lots of blister care wraps to get my leg healed and ready to return to work this week.

Is my leg ready? It is more comfortable than it was when I entered our winter break, but I am definitely not cozy. I am hoping that it is healed enough that my walking won't cause more damage and that I will continue to improve. I'm out of time, so fingers crossed the skin holds!

Today everybody returns to school except for Robby, who has a few more weeks at home before beginning his next semester. Timmy voiced his obligatory complaints about returning to class but I also know that he has really missed his friends. The morning wake up will probably be a little shocking for his system, but I expect him to resume his school schedule without much issue. 

It's hard to believe that winter break has come and gone, but I'm ready to get back at it. I've missed my students and my sense of purpose. Have a great day, and I'll see you tomorrow!