In many ways I feel as if this year is the last of Robby's innocence. School changes everything. I doubt that he will continue to view me as his "best buddy" when he starts school. Will he still like baking cookies when he is in school? I am dreading the first time I pick up the phone and hear a high pitch little girl asking "Is Robby there?" It will take all my strength not to hang up on her.
Robby starting school next year marks the end of my tenure as a stay at home Mommy. As Scott has repeatedly pointed out, I am going to need to return to the workforce. I have twelve months to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Time is ticking, and I'm feeling the pressure.
I am experiencing a lot of stress over letting Robby grow up and my returning to work. What do I want to do, and am I qualified? Twelve months doesn't seem like enough time to figure this out!
In an effort to try to squelch my stress, and partly in the hopes that I would experience an epiphany, last night I tried meditation. I suppose I should disclose that I have no idea how to meditate. I was inspired by the book Eat, Pray, Love. It worked for the main character, so I thought it was worth a try.
I secluded myself in the only quiet location in our house, my bedroom closet. I tried to sit cross-legged, only to develop cramps. After some experimentation, I removed my prosthetic because it was in the way. Sitting one-legged on the back of my closet with Scott's pants and shirts hanging over my head, I tried to channel my inner peace.
My inner dialog meditation went something like this:
"Hum... hum... hum.... this is nice. I'm relaxing. Hum... hum.... I've got this meditation thing down! I am the Queen Meditator. Look how Zen I am. What exactly does Zen mean?
Focus. Hum... hum...what's that smell? Wow, that's a lot of laundry. I thought Scott said he did laundry while I was in California. Figures! Oh, I'm meditating.
Hum... hum.... I mean really, how hard is it to throw laundry into the washer? It's not like he has to rub it against a rock. Focus Peggy.
Relax... deep breath. You are at peace... hum... hum... This would be a lot easier if I wasn't trying to channel my inner me next to a pile of his smelly drawers. Focus... focus... Hey, I've been looking for that sandal all summer.
Deep breathe. Ouch! Stump cramp. Why did that sweater just fall on my head? Ouch. Cramp again. Screw it, I stink at this. I'm getting too stressed out. I'm eating cake instead."
About Me
- Peggy
- I am a below knee amputee. More importantly, I am also Mommy to two boys, a very active 10 year old (Robby) and an mischievous toddler (Timmy). I have learned that being a parent with a disability can create some unusual and sometimes humorous situations. This blogger is available for hire! Let's talk and learn how a blog can expand your business.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Home
I had a great time at the ACA Conference last week. Although attendance was obviously down, probably due to the economy and the late announcement of the location, the exhibition hall was bustling with excitement and activity. Unfortunately I was not able to attend any seminars because of my booth schedule, but I did discover that I have a talent for passing out free t-shirts!
Sleeping in a large bed, by myself, was a true luxury. The hotel was nice, but I I am not discriminating. Snagging little soaps and shampoo bottles, having control over the television remote and being able to sleep unhindered are my hallmarks of "living it up."
I have concluded that most hotels are not equipped with enough electrical outlets for the modern traveler. I need to plug in my phone, computer and my leg. I was forced to unplug lamps in order to free up the necessary outlets. I am going to start traveling with my own power strip in the future.
Half-way through the second day of the conference, my Proprio signaled that the battery was low. I found this odd because I plug it in nightly. During my break I ran up to my room to get a quick charge.
After my leg was plugged in I noticed that the indicator lights were not illuminated. I checked the plug only to discover that the plastic was stripped away from the wires and that the connection was broken. The only explanation I can come up with is that the housekeeper accidentally sucked the cord into the vacuum cleaner, stripping the plastic and breaking the wires. Thankfully I was at the perfect location for a prosthetic malfunction, and it was quickly repaired.
Five days away from my Boys left me feeling homesick and anxious to return home. Scott had reached his limit of being "Mr. Mom" and was eager to return to work, if only to get a break from a needy little preschooler. I was bombarded with text messages and frantic phone calls, informing me that I "didn't understand" how tiring caring for Robby can be and expressing his need for a break. Travel weary, I finally crawled into my own bed after midnight on Monday and the parenting reigns were passed back to me.
As soon as I fell asleep, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet. Robby crawled into our bed and began to smother me with hugs. I knew that getting him back to his room by himself was a lost cause. We pulled out the sofa bed in his room and I slept with him.
Well, I didn't really sleep. Robby was wiggly and I was constantly being kicked or hit by flailing arms and legs. I was hoping to receive flowers upon my return home. Instead I was greeted with a gassy little bed hog. It's nice to be home!
Sleeping in a large bed, by myself, was a true luxury. The hotel was nice, but I I am not discriminating. Snagging little soaps and shampoo bottles, having control over the television remote and being able to sleep unhindered are my hallmarks of "living it up."
I have concluded that most hotels are not equipped with enough electrical outlets for the modern traveler. I need to plug in my phone, computer and my leg. I was forced to unplug lamps in order to free up the necessary outlets. I am going to start traveling with my own power strip in the future.
Half-way through the second day of the conference, my Proprio signaled that the battery was low. I found this odd because I plug it in nightly. During my break I ran up to my room to get a quick charge.
After my leg was plugged in I noticed that the indicator lights were not illuminated. I checked the plug only to discover that the plastic was stripped away from the wires and that the connection was broken. The only explanation I can come up with is that the housekeeper accidentally sucked the cord into the vacuum cleaner, stripping the plastic and breaking the wires. Thankfully I was at the perfect location for a prosthetic malfunction, and it was quickly repaired.
Five days away from my Boys left me feeling homesick and anxious to return home. Scott had reached his limit of being "Mr. Mom" and was eager to return to work, if only to get a break from a needy little preschooler. I was bombarded with text messages and frantic phone calls, informing me that I "didn't understand" how tiring caring for Robby can be and expressing his need for a break. Travel weary, I finally crawled into my own bed after midnight on Monday and the parenting reigns were passed back to me.
As soon as I fell asleep, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet. Robby crawled into our bed and began to smother me with hugs. I knew that getting him back to his room by himself was a lost cause. We pulled out the sofa bed in his room and I slept with him.
Well, I didn't really sleep. Robby was wiggly and I was constantly being kicked or hit by flailing arms and legs. I was hoping to receive flowers upon my return home. Instead I was greeted with a gassy little bed hog. It's nice to be home!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Every Woman's Nightmare
The past few days have been a whirlwind of excitement. Being at the conference, surrounded by fellow amputees, was both comforting and empowering. I was fascinated by the various prosthetics that are being utilized, and I was amazed by the spirit of so many whom I met.
Friday morning I was approached and asked if I would be willing to introduce myself to the conference attendees on Saturday. I was apprehensive about speaking in front of the large crowd, but honored that I was asked. I accepted the invitation.
Friday afternoon I learned that my "introduction" was, in fact, a full blown 20 minute speech. My apprehension turned into fear. I am not a public speaker, and I don't feel comfortable in front of large crowds.
On my way out of the booth on Friday, I was reminded that Saturday was the Mobility Clinic, and that I should dress appropriately. I was given a Stay-Dri work-out shirt and told to wear athletic shorts. I took the shirt and headed up to my hotel room. Tired from a day of standing around in the booth, I was looking forward to relaxing and working on my speech.
Holding the shirt in the elevator, I began to think about what "work-out" type clothes I had packed. I realized I was going to need to walk to the shopping center and buy appropriate shorts. I was beginning to feel rushed for time because I still needed to write my speech, and I didn't want to devote a lot of time to trying to find a pair of spandex shorts that I will probably not wear much.
It was at that moment that I made the connection. I was expected to deliver a 20 minute speech, which had yet to be written, to several hundred people while I was wearing spandex shorts. My fear morphed into full blown terror.
Luckily my friend Leslie and I found a sporting goods store near the hotel and we set out on Mission Impossible. I needed to find a pair of spandex shorts that would flatter my plump bum and minimize my jiggly thighs. With limited options and a short time schedule, I had to settle for the least unflattering option- a pair of gray yoga pants.
My mom helped me gather my thoughts for the speech. We decided that, if the speech was taken from my own blog posts, it would be easier for me to remember. I began to feel more confident about the content of my speech, but nothing was going to make me feel secure in what I was going to be wearing!
I worked the registration desk Saturday morning which helped to keep my mind off the speech. My nerves were jumping in anticipation of my presentation, but I tried to remain calm. When it was my time to speak, I put on my best "I'm confident" game face, strutted up wearing my spandex and accepted the microphone.
Honestly, I can't tell you what I said, but I do know that it wasn't anything that I had prepared. I spoke from the heart, relaying my experiences as an amputee. (I do remember plugging amputeemommy.com once.) As I began to speak, my nerves melted away and I felt as if I were just speaking to a friend or two. I felt connected to the audience. I was no longer fearful, nor was I self-conscious in my less than flattering outfit. I even received four episodes of "spontaneous" applause during my speech!
I received numerous accolades at the conclusion of my speech. Attendees frequently approached me for the remainder of the conference, telling me that they related to my story and appreciated my sharing the experiences. I was encouraged by several people to continue speaking, stating that they felt that I had a talent for reaching people.
For me, the ACA Conference was a success. I thoroughly enjoyed working the booth and meeting amputees from all over the country. I not only delivered a speech to a large audience while wearing spandex, but my words were well received! I am returning home jet lagged and tired but excited to tackle the adventures that lie ahead.
Friday morning I was approached and asked if I would be willing to introduce myself to the conference attendees on Saturday. I was apprehensive about speaking in front of the large crowd, but honored that I was asked. I accepted the invitation.
Friday afternoon I learned that my "introduction" was, in fact, a full blown 20 minute speech. My apprehension turned into fear. I am not a public speaker, and I don't feel comfortable in front of large crowds.
On my way out of the booth on Friday, I was reminded that Saturday was the Mobility Clinic, and that I should dress appropriately. I was given a Stay-Dri work-out shirt and told to wear athletic shorts. I took the shirt and headed up to my hotel room. Tired from a day of standing around in the booth, I was looking forward to relaxing and working on my speech.
Holding the shirt in the elevator, I began to think about what "work-out" type clothes I had packed. I realized I was going to need to walk to the shopping center and buy appropriate shorts. I was beginning to feel rushed for time because I still needed to write my speech, and I didn't want to devote a lot of time to trying to find a pair of spandex shorts that I will probably not wear much.
It was at that moment that I made the connection. I was expected to deliver a 20 minute speech, which had yet to be written, to several hundred people while I was wearing spandex shorts. My fear morphed into full blown terror.
Luckily my friend Leslie and I found a sporting goods store near the hotel and we set out on Mission Impossible. I needed to find a pair of spandex shorts that would flatter my plump bum and minimize my jiggly thighs. With limited options and a short time schedule, I had to settle for the least unflattering option- a pair of gray yoga pants.
My mom helped me gather my thoughts for the speech. We decided that, if the speech was taken from my own blog posts, it would be easier for me to remember. I began to feel more confident about the content of my speech, but nothing was going to make me feel secure in what I was going to be wearing!
I worked the registration desk Saturday morning which helped to keep my mind off the speech. My nerves were jumping in anticipation of my presentation, but I tried to remain calm. When it was my time to speak, I put on my best "I'm confident" game face, strutted up wearing my spandex and accepted the microphone.
Honestly, I can't tell you what I said, but I do know that it wasn't anything that I had prepared. I spoke from the heart, relaying my experiences as an amputee. (I do remember plugging amputeemommy.com once.) As I began to speak, my nerves melted away and I felt as if I were just speaking to a friend or two. I felt connected to the audience. I was no longer fearful, nor was I self-conscious in my less than flattering outfit. I even received four episodes of "spontaneous" applause during my speech!
I received numerous accolades at the conclusion of my speech. Attendees frequently approached me for the remainder of the conference, telling me that they related to my story and appreciated my sharing the experiences. I was encouraged by several people to continue speaking, stating that they felt that I had a talent for reaching people.
For me, the ACA Conference was a success. I thoroughly enjoyed working the booth and meeting amputees from all over the country. I not only delivered a speech to a large audience while wearing spandex, but my words were well received! I am returning home jet lagged and tired but excited to tackle the adventures that lie ahead.
Friday, August 27, 2010
ACA Day 1
Although I was only away from Scott and Robby for a day, I found myself missing my family last night. I was excited to be at the conference but hearing Robby over the phone made my heart pang. I missed his sweet little smile, and I wanted to give him a hug.
After a relatively laid back afternoon, I prepared myself for the Welcome Reception, which marked the opening of the Exhibition Hall. My emotions were mixed. I was excited to be at the conference but I missed my little boy. I was looking at pictures of him on my cell phone when I walked into the hall.
I looked up from my phone, and began to smile. I realized immediately that I was not going
to be struggling with "Robby withdraws" for the duration of my trip. Anytime I miss him, all I need to do is look up and I will see a larger than life photo of Robby and me.
I was in the booth most of the evening, leaving me unable to visit the other exhibitors. I am hoping that I will be able to look around during a break today. I am eager to see the "latest and greatest" prosthetic components. Of course, I will be sure to let you know what I discover!
On a separate topic, a segment on 20/20 tonight follows a Tanzanian woman with Albanism who was mutilated for her bones. Mariamu was viciously attacked and her arms were amputated by bandits. Miraculously she survived to tell her horrific tale.
My prosthetist, Elliot Weintrob, learned of her story and offered his services. He closed his business for nearly a week so that he could focus on providing Mariamu with prosthetic arms. Physical Therapists joined the effort to teach her how to use her new devices.
Miriamu fought against the odds to survive her brutal attack. She is now using her voice to educate the world about the plight of Tanzanian Albinos. Tonight at 10 pm on 20/20 her story will finally be told.
After a relatively laid back afternoon, I prepared myself for the Welcome Reception, which marked the opening of the Exhibition Hall. My emotions were mixed. I was excited to be at the conference but I missed my little boy. I was looking at pictures of him on my cell phone when I walked into the hall.
I looked up from my phone, and began to smile. I realized immediately that I was not going
to be struggling with "Robby withdraws" for the duration of my trip. Anytime I miss him, all I need to do is look up and I will see a larger than life photo of Robby and me.I was in the booth most of the evening, leaving me unable to visit the other exhibitors. I am hoping that I will be able to look around during a break today. I am eager to see the "latest and greatest" prosthetic components. Of course, I will be sure to let you know what I discover!
On a separate topic, a segment on 20/20 tonight follows a Tanzanian woman with Albanism who was mutilated for her bones. Mariamu was viciously attacked and her arms were amputated by bandits. Miraculously she survived to tell her horrific tale.
My prosthetist, Elliot Weintrob, learned of her story and offered his services. He closed his business for nearly a week so that he could focus on providing Mariamu with prosthetic arms. Physical Therapists joined the effort to teach her how to use her new devices.
Miriamu fought against the odds to survive her brutal attack. She is now using her voice to educate the world about the plight of Tanzanian Albinos. Tonight at 10 pm on 20/20 her story will finally be told.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Conquering the World... Or the Conference
I had a difficult time saying goodbye to Robby. We tried to make my exit as non-eventful and enjoyable as possible, which seemed to be working until Scott pulled into the airport drop-off zone. My little boy then began to cry, begging to come to work with me. I smothered him with kisses and waved as they began to drive away. I have to admit that I teared up when Robby rolled down the window and yelled "I love you, Mommy. We will still be best buddies."
Other than saying goodbye, the travel was remarkably easy. I encountered no difficulties and the entire experience was relatively pleasant. I am now in California, checked into my hotel and ready for the adventure the lies ahead during the next few days.
Despite nine hours of traveling, I feel energized and excited. I can't wait to start meeting with attendees and to visit with friends. Perhaps it is intuition or maybe just wishful thinking, but I feel as if great things might be lying right around the corner. I am not sure what, but I know that I am open to new opportunities and eager to grow this blog and amputeemommy.com. Hopefully I will be able to connect with others who believe in me and what I have to contribute.
So many people have helped me to prepare for this trip. Scott, although nervous, is assuming the reigns at home. I know that Robby is happy and I suspect his tummy is filled with ice cream and junk food. My Mom has supported my venture since its inception. She ordered a custom cookie mold and baked several dozen cookies for me to distribute to my Ossur friends. You know you're loved when somebody makes you cookie bears with a prosthetic!
My friend Tammy designed my new logo for amputeemommy.com. She also designed magnets and buttons which will be set out to try to grow my readership. Wish me luck, and I will keep you posted!
Other than saying goodbye, the travel was remarkably easy. I encountered no difficulties and the entire experience was relatively pleasant. I am now in California, checked into my hotel and ready for the adventure the lies ahead during the next few days.
Despite nine hours of traveling, I feel energized and excited. I can't wait to start meeting with attendees and to visit with friends. Perhaps it is intuition or maybe just wishful thinking, but I feel as if great things might be lying right around the corner. I am not sure what, but I know that I am open to new opportunities and eager to grow this blog and amputeemommy.com. Hopefully I will be able to connect with others who believe in me and what I have to contribute.
So many people have helped me to prepare for this trip. Scott, although nervous, is assuming the reigns at home. I know that Robby is happy and I suspect his tummy is filled with ice cream and junk food. My Mom has supported my venture since its inception. She ordered a custom cookie mold and baked several dozen cookies for me to distribute to my Ossur friends. You know you're loved when somebody makes you cookie bears with a prosthetic!My friend Tammy designed my new logo for amputeemommy.com. She also designed magnets and buttons which will be set out to try to grow my readership. Wish me luck, and I will keep you posted!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Trip Goal
Robby has discovered that I am going away. Yesterday I had a 44 inch shadow following me everywhere I went. He hugged me constantly and repeatedly reached for my hand to remind me that we are "best buddies." Knowing that my cover was blown, I sat him down and told him that Mommy had to go to work for a few days.
With Robby fully aware of my impending trip, I set about getting prepared. I packed the suitcase only to realize that it was overweight. I then unpacked and evaluated my options. I am now schlepping 10 pounds of amputeemommy.com magnets in my purse to save an additional $15 baggage fee. It is ironic that the baggage fee is precisely the copay I will have to pay my doctor when I return with a sore shoulder resulting from carrying an ultra heavy purse.
I always worry that Scott and Robby will be hungry when I am away. I typically prepare an obscene amount of food before I leave for a trip. Standing in my kitchen I had a revelation. Traditionally the food I prepare is not consumed while I'm away. My Boys will revert to a bachelor lifestyle, relying upon pizza, fast food and cheese flavored snacks for nutrition. I put my whisk down and didn't cook all day. They will be fine.
I am excited about working at the conference. I always enjoy meeting new people and hearing their stories. As I've written before, it is refreshing to be viewed as more than a wife and mother. I'm looking forward to just being Peggy for a few days.
Sometimes, when I'm begging and pleading for Robby to let the poop out, or when I'm picking up pieces of my ceiling which has been pulled down, I really miss having professional ambitions. Of course I adore being Robby's Mommy, and I wouldn't give up this time being home with him for anything. Still, I've realized it is easy to get bogged down in running the household and I forget my own talents and dreams.
For me, this trip is more than an opportunity to contribute monetarily or to socialize with other amputees. I intend to use this time to reconnect with myself and to work towards my own goals and dreams. Wish me luck!
With Robby fully aware of my impending trip, I set about getting prepared. I packed the suitcase only to realize that it was overweight. I then unpacked and evaluated my options. I am now schlepping 10 pounds of amputeemommy.com magnets in my purse to save an additional $15 baggage fee. It is ironic that the baggage fee is precisely the copay I will have to pay my doctor when I return with a sore shoulder resulting from carrying an ultra heavy purse.
I always worry that Scott and Robby will be hungry when I am away. I typically prepare an obscene amount of food before I leave for a trip. Standing in my kitchen I had a revelation. Traditionally the food I prepare is not consumed while I'm away. My Boys will revert to a bachelor lifestyle, relying upon pizza, fast food and cheese flavored snacks for nutrition. I put my whisk down and didn't cook all day. They will be fine.
I am excited about working at the conference. I always enjoy meeting new people and hearing their stories. As I've written before, it is refreshing to be viewed as more than a wife and mother. I'm looking forward to just being Peggy for a few days.
Sometimes, when I'm begging and pleading for Robby to let the poop out, or when I'm picking up pieces of my ceiling which has been pulled down, I really miss having professional ambitions. Of course I adore being Robby's Mommy, and I wouldn't give up this time being home with him for anything. Still, I've realized it is easy to get bogged down in running the household and I forget my own talents and dreams.
For me, this trip is more than an opportunity to contribute monetarily or to socialize with other amputees. I intend to use this time to reconnect with myself and to work towards my own goals and dreams. Wish me luck!
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