My Motivator

I think I am entering the season that I find the most depressing. With Christmas and the holidays over and seemingly endless weeks until the warm sunshine of spring, I find myself smack dab in the middle of the winter blues.  I am struggling to stay upbeat and pushing myself to socialize while in reality I want to cuddle up by the fire and hide. For good or bad, Timmy has no desire to hibernate and keeps me engaging with society.

Because I know that I need to push against the urge to hide, I have been trying to take Timmy somewhere everyday. I wish we could play outside at home, but the yard is too muddy from the recent rainstorms. So until everything warms up or dries out, I am forced to seek our toddler adventures outside of our house. Typically we either go to the pool or to his favorite toddler playground. I love playing with him and hearing his squeals of delight as he explores and learns always lifts my spirits.  Timmy is loving our community trips and doesn't seem to miss playing outside.

Timmy isn't my only motivator to leave the house.  Robby has been busy with his Taekwondo classes, taking as many as four per week. Scott and I try to split the duty, but Robby prefers my taking him to class. Although the little plastic chairs in the spectator lounge are uncomfortable and it is always cold because the main door is never closed, I usually don't mind going. I rather enjoy my hour sitting without having to entertain, cater to or serve anybody. It isn't the most cerebral stimulating time, but the quiet is welcome.

Hopefully the rain will stay away and the sun will return. Even when it's cold, I always feel better when the sky is bright. Right now it feels like the dreary days of winter will never end.

Sales Pressure

I am notoriously bad at turning away salespeople. From tour bus recruiters on the streets of NYC to the sales lady at Macy's, I have a difficult time simply saying no. Even if I have no interest in taking another double decker tour of Manhattan, I just seem to have trouble walking away. Unfortunately this is a trait that sometimes carries over into our home.

Yesterday a salesperson came to the door to talk to us about getting a new roof. Yes, I am well aware that we are in need of a new roof but we aren't shopping for one right now. I tried to politely decline the offer of a free, no strings attached estimate but the twenty something salesman looked depressed when he sensed that I was going to turn him away. I caved and agreed to the estimate.

I was expecting the same person to come to the appointment later in the afternoon. Instead I discovered that the innocent, trustworthy looking scheduler was replaced with an aggressive and imposing salesman.  (Talk about a bait and switch!) Scott wasn't delighted when he came home to find an eager and talkative salesman sitting on the couch.

Scott and I complement each other in many ways. Whereas I have a hard time disappointing a salesman, he is completely comfortable just saying no and moving on. I let him take the lead, hoping that the pitch would be quick. This particular salesman was difficult to dissuade because it took Scott nearly 90 minutes to get him out the door. He seemed sad when he realized that we wouldn't be buying a roof. It's a good think that Scott was home because I might have agreed to a nearly $20,000 home improvement project because of an unhealthy need to make somebody happy.

Rain Day

Yesterday was rainy, cold and windy. Because it was Monday and all of our favorite indoor play areas were closed, Timmy and I huddled inside all day. He seemed content to play with his toys, ride his train and dance in the kitchen. After an exhilarating weekend, I was grateful for a quiet day at home.

Not only did I need the chance to unwind emotionally, but I was happy for the chance to physically recover. Saturday I spent hours on my feet, standing still in a large crowd. It is far easier for me to walk and move than to just stand still. When I am still, my leg settles into my socket and begins to ache. If I am stagnant for too long, sores and blisters can develop.

Probably because of the adrenaline I didn't realize that sores had developed on my limb until I was home on Saturday night. I took off my liner to discover that I had developed three dime sized blisters on my leg. The blisters are healing, but right now walking is a tinge more painful. I'm able to manage and get around, but I am reminded with each step that I need to walk gingerly.  I took the rainy day as an opportunity to rest and work towards healing my leg. 

Although he did well yesterday, I know that Timmy is chomping at the bit for an activity. After I teach Abby this morning we will head to the pool. I know that the water will feel great on my aching body, and Timmy will love splashing and playing. It is definitely a win-win activity, and the perfect way to spend another rainy day.

Saturday!

Saturday can be summed up in two words: absolutely amazing. I am fortunate to have been able to share the incredible experience with my Mom, her two friends and my best friend Tammy. I was excited and honored that they all drove several hours to lend support and to try to raise awareness for prosthetic access. I was reminded that I have an incredible support system!

The day started out worrisome as we discovered that all the roads were closed that provided access to the parking garage with our reserved spot. As we were driving around DC, my anxiety was rising as it became clear that we were going to have to find another parking spot if we were going to make the event. With hundreds of thousands of protestors converging in the city, I was doubtful that we were going to find anything. Then, as if by a miracle, Tammy saw one lone handicapped parking spot in a lot located only a few blocks from the march. I felt an indescribable sense of relief pulling into the spot and turning off the ignition!

My Mom's friend (Ruth) is nearly 90 and opted to use my wheelchair because of the distances involved. She was eager to lend her support behind the cause and excited to participate in her first formal protest. As we were making our way to through the crowds, it became clear that she was receiving a lot of attention sitting in the wheelchair wearing a bright pink "pussy hat." We began to joke about slogans that we should write on the back of her sign to bring even more attention to our group. Initially we were joking, but she quickly asked us to turn a sign around and to start writing.

Tammy, being a graphic designer, quickly sketched out her new sign. Within five minutes we had created her official protest sign, and my goodness it certainly garnered a lot of attention. She spent the afternoon posing for photos, talking with fellow protestors and accepting well wishes and smiles. Each time a photo was snapped we were standing in the background, holding the original sign in the frame. Because of Ruth's feisty nature and jovial perspective, we were able to further the reach of our original cause.

The crowd was enormous, and the causes were as diverse as the marchers. It was amazing to be part of such a powerful movement. To think that over 500,000 people were able to converge and peacefully protest without one single arrest is a remarkable feat, especially because of the recent riots and seemingly pervasive violence. It was refreshing to witness disagreements without violence ensuing! 

I left the march exhausted but with an overwhelming sense of optimism and empowerment. I know that the fight for insurance fairness is just beginning, but I am not in this battle alone. This issue, like so many that were represented on Saturday, should be bipartisan. I know that I have the strength and the supports necessary to fight this until every amputee who has the desire and the ability to use a prosthetic can access one. 

Sharing the experience with my friend, my Mom and two other amazing women made it even more special. I will always remember January 21st fondly. Now let's keep fighting!

 

#WhyIMarch

Tomorrow I am crossing something off my Bucket List. I am going to my first march/ protest. I've always wanted to participate in one, but until now the stars haven't aligned between cause and opportunity. Tomorrow my excuses for staying home are over, and I am going to take to the streets with thousands of other activists in DC.  I am delighted that my Mom, her friend and my dear friend Tammy are going to come along in solidarity.

I am not marching against any particular person or political party. Instead, I feel compelled to lend my voice and to try to bring attention to the potential catastrophic impact on access to prosthetic care. The repeal of the Affordable Care Act is inevitable, but the details of a replacement have been hazy at best. Until Essential Health Benefit status is maintained in the new legislation, I am not going to stop pushing and fighting. This issue is simply too big to ignore.

I know that it will be crowded  and that driving into DC on Saturday will be an exercise in frustration and patience. But none of those reasons outweighs my desire to try to make a difference. I need my voice to be heard, and I can't fail to be part of ;this opportunity in my own back yard.

Feeling Better and Still Fighting

Timmy woke up yesterday with a fever but turned the corner as the morning progressed.  By lunchtime he was full of energy and had returned to his normal mischievous self. His giggle sounded especially sweet after being absent for a few days. My goodness I love my little trouble seeking toddler!

I spent much of my day trying to keep him calm and contained. While I knew that he was feeling better, I felt it prudent to keep him as quiet as possible so that he could fully recover. Of course, he had a different perspective and took my desire to keep him quiet as a challenge. Assuming that his fever doesn't return, I think today we will be good to go to resume our normal activities. 
 
On a separate note, the movement to maintain essential benefit status for prosthetics is in full swing. If you have not yet sent your emails or contacted your legislators, I implore you to do so now. The amputee community is relatively small, yet we find strength through our collective voice.  A template email, as well as contact information for every legislator, can be found on our new podcast website.

I have spent the past two days on the computer and phone, trying to create awareness and momentum for this issue. Losing essential health benefit status could be catastrophic for many in the limb loss community. Without this status, insurance policies will revert back to lifetime caps and yearly maximum benefits. These restrictions will further restrict access to devices and quality care, forcing many into wheelchairs or back onto crutches because they cannot afford to ambulate. 

Sick Hamlet

Yesterday morning I knew that my little Hamlet was sick before I even went into his room. The fact that it was 7 AM and he hadn't woken up was the tell-tale sign that we were going to have a sick day. True to my prediction, he was burning up with a fever when I picked him up out of his crib. Typically full of energy and happy, he was lethargic and flat.  My heart breaks when my kids aren't feeling well.

His fever fluctuated throughout the day, reaching 103 when the Tylenol was wearing off and lowering to 101 when the medication was working. He sporadically crawled off the couch and played with his trains, but it never lasted for long. He just didn't have the energy to play, so we spent the majority of the day curled up on the couch watching Team Umizoomi.

Just like his brother, Timmy wants his Daddy when he is sick. He was asking for him throughout the day, and the only time he really perked up and smiled was when I told him that his Daddy was home. Almost as soon as Scott sat down Timmy curled up on his lap. If Timmy hadn't been sick it would have been an adorable scene. Although it was wonderful witnessing the bond between father and son, I was saddened because I knew that my Hamlet wasn't feeling well.

Timmy hasn't yet woken up, which is an indication that today will be a repeat of yesterday. I feel so helpless when he is sick. I wish that Momom and Daddy cuddles could heal viruses, but sometimes all we can do is love him and wait.