Heat Wave

 Oh my goodness, this past weekend has been so hot! I am not made for triple number temperatures. I have a feeling that this summer is shaping up to be a scorcher.  Because we are planning to move we opted to not put up the small pool this year. Hopefully by next year we'll be able to chill out in an in-ground pool at our new house. In the meantime, it will be Popcicles and hiding out in the air conditioning. 

We have not made nearly as much progress towards moving as I had hoped. Scott retired three weeks ago and his plans for projects have not yet materialized. I understand that he is still relaxing and unwinding, but time is starting to tick away. I think I'm going to allow him to live a vacation lifestyle until we return from his mother's house. After that point, we really need to kick everything into gear. 

Because of the heat I wasn't able to do a lot outside, but I did made a lot of progress in my living room. Items have been packed and organized or thrown away. I went through the boxes that Scott brought home when he retired and organized his notebooks into a moving box. It's nice to have less clutter and more boxes around.

I'm going to continue to chip away at packing, but I know that there is only so much we can do. I really need Scott to come out of vacation mode and start focusing on moving. In the meantime, hopefully we can stay cool until this heat wave finally breaks.

Oriented

 Robby had a fabulous time at his orientation. Although he was nervous, his excitement was palpable. Slightly introverted, he forced himself to harness "personable Robby" before entering the auditorium for the event. He was personable and outgoing, engaging conversations with the professors and his fellow incoming freshman.  He masked his fear with a smile and took on the challenge. 

While Robby was off choosing classes and working through his itinerary I sat through another "letting go" session before ditching the optional campus tour in lieu of meeting with Financial Aid. I was the first in line and my meeting was done in about 30 minutes. When it was complete and I was heading out the door, the line to enter was already snaking down the hall.  

With the help of his advisor, Robby has both changed his major and chosen his classes. He was originally signed up for Historical Preservation. He learned that historical preservation would train him to work with architects to save and restore historical houses. Instead, he is interested in working in a museum so his major was switched to Historical Preservation Public Education. Instead of restoring the house, Robby is interested in teaching people about what happened inside it and why it is important.  

Orientation

 I spent yesterday trying to stuff my anger back into a box. In the end, I am the only person impacted by their slight and my own reaction. I need to move on. The beginning of releasing the pain is putting it where it belongs- in the past. In this situation, avoidance will be my friend.

Today is an exciting one for Robby because he is going to Shepherd to pick his classes and complete his orientation. I don't know who is more excited- him or me! I'm looking forward to hearing all about his professors and experience but I'd be lying if I wasn't transparent about my own concerns for my day's itinerary. 

While Robby is off doing student admin sessions, I am to tour the campus (again). I am happy to participate wherever required, but it is supposed to be 95 degrees today. Walking around a hilly campus, under the blazing sun in a prosthesis that is fitting 'okayish' is a recipe for disaster. I'm really hoping that there is another option because I'm certain I'm not the only parent dreading the afternoon trek in the heat. 

Regardless of the heat or the activities involved, I'm excited to accompany Robby to his orientation. He has so many new adventures ahead!

Some Families Simply Suck

My reaction to Father's Day took me by surprise this year. I woke early and, as I was sipping on my coffee and slowly starting to begin my work, I began to think about my Dad. As so many things do these days, my thoughts quickly leapfrogged from my Dad to my brother as I envisioned them together again. That fleeting happy image was quickly replaced by the memory that not a single member of my father's family reached out or attended my brother's funeral.

That is where the anger swept over me. Sometimes I become so angry I don't know what to do with all of the emotions. Yesterday was one of those times. My brother died and not a single member of the entire "esteemed" family responded. We didn't receive a single text, card or petal from any of these 'loving family' members at the death of their cousin. 

The slight would have killed my Dad.

F*ck them. 

There is a liberation that comes from wiping an entire group of people out of your life. At least I now know that my family's presence at "family" events is no longer expected. If I were to attend, I'm certain I would no longer feel welcome. For that I am sad, but I am not going to mourn what never existed.

Another UTI

 After a few weeks off, tomorrow we are back to selling FlexyFriends. Scott and Timmy are heading to a local mall for a one-day event while Robby and I showcase our wares at a craft show in Maryland. With college tuition looming around the corner, I'm eager to take as many selling opportunities as possible! Both events are only a single day so we will be able to celebrate Father's Day at home.

I have not been feeling great this week courtesy of a nasty UTI. Despite my best intentions, I just didn't drink adequately at the World War II event this past weekend. I tried to fight it off on my own but on Wednesday I waved the white flag and contacted a doctor for antibiotics. I'm feeling better now, just very worn out from the infection.

When I finally decided it was time to seek treatment I tried to schedule an appointment with my doctor. I was frustrated that there were no openings until Friday (today). My searching led me to Amazon medical, where I was able to fill out an intake form and send it to a licensed doctor. I paid the $30 fee and 5 minutes later the antibiotics were called into my pharmacy.  It was cheaper, easier and considerably faster than using my own health insurance. Who knew!

The 'Brotherhood'

I know that there was no chance of navigating my brother's killing unscathed and unchanged. It has been two months and we are still fighting for scraps of information. The Texas Rangers, who are leading the 'impartial investigation' thus far have only been interested in soliciting negative information about Jae from me and other family members. 

It feels like they are building a case that Jae deserved to be shot. It does not matter that he was an addict and could be a real prick when using. He was unarmed, blind and in a wheelchair. Why did he have to be shot in the neck and killed? I have no faith that the 'impartial investigation' will bring any true resolution, information and certainly not justice. 

The badge protects itself. After all, it is called a 'brotherhood' for a reason. I discovered that there were 22 police killings in the state of Texas in April alone. Jae is simply more paperwork in their system. The scores of unreturned phone calls from every contact, including the "victims advocate" is another brick in their institutional fortress of protection. 

While I know in my heart that all cops aren't bad, I'm really struggling right now to remind myself of that reality. Each time I see a badge I want to scream and rage. I hope that my anger subsides with time because I don't like feeling this way.

Flags

 There were a few marked differences during this year's World War II event. Because the weekend also coincided with the 80th anniversary of D-Day, many of the antique war birds were flying at other events. The airshow suffered slightly by the lighter roster but it was still fun to watch them soar.  I saw many of the veterans on TV being interviewed in France so I was not surprised that the speaking roster was also a little light. What surprised me the most was the quality and type of items being proudly sold by the vendors.

When Robby and I started to attend the weekend nearly 10 years ago, anything with a swastika was original to the time period and held a story. I have never liked seeing the Nazi items for sale but have come to accept the historical value of the items. Vendors who sold these items always did so with respect, covering the symbols with stickers etc. to avoid promoting associated ideology. 

The Nazi items on sale this weekend were not old, not concealed and held no historical value. I was gobsmacked seeing a 4 foot rayon 'Made in Vietnam" swastika flag right next to the meet the survivors table. This brand new flag was being sold for modern use, not for historical preservation. Throughout the vendor tents we found brand new nazi propoganda for sale, much of it updated and repurposed for modern times.

I'm worried that our World War II weekend is slowly starting to become a Right Wing meeting event. I pray I am wrong.