Tucson Day 3

Despite being in constant motion and falling into bed late every night exhausted, I am having a wonderful time in Tucson. I relish spending time with my amputee friends, laughing and sharing stories that only those living with limb loss can understand.  There is something empowering about being around individuals who are living the same reality.

I have been overwhelmed with hugs and kind words from readers of this blog. I can't help but smile whenever somebody approaches and asks if I am the AmputeeMommy. I have met so many new friends during this conference, and I am looking forward to keeping in touch with all of them. 

Conference Day 2

I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I just don't have time to write reflective and insightful blogs while working at the conference.  Yesterday I began work at 6:30 and was in non-stop movement until I finally made it back to my room at 10:00 PM.  While I love seeing all of my friends, I am exhausted by the time I collapse into bed at night.

While I was busy working at the conference, Scott and Robby took advantage of the opportunity to visit the Grand Canyon. They took the Grand Canyon train to and from the Canyon, and seemed to have a fantastic time.  Part of me wishes that I had been able to join them, but I also appreciate that this was a perfect father/son bonding opportunity. This has been an adventure that Robby (and Scott) will always remember fondly. 

 I can't wait to hear all about their adventure when they join me this evening! 

Worn Out

Hello from Tucson!

After my 22 hour day of travel and work, I am exhausted.  I woke up at 2 AM to make my painfully early flight, and didn't fall into bed until well after midnight. I began working to stuff conference bags almost as soon as I arrived at the hotel.  Obviously the task was not difficult, but it was tedious and tiring. 

After the last bag was stuffed, more than anything I wanted to just climb into bed, pull the covers over my head and fall asleep. But my plans had to wait because I was committed to attending the staff dinner. The dinner was enjoyable, but to be honest it was a bit of a blur.

Today I am attending the peer visitor certification course. I figured that I have been doing peer visits for a decade, so perhaps it is time to become officially certified. I am eager to compare the "certified" approach against what I have been doing on instinct. 

Hopefully today will not be nearly as long, and I'll be able to carve out some time to actually enjoy the resort. 

Tucson Bound

Yesterday was so busy that the anticipated tearful good-bye to Timmy never transpired. While I was sad to see him driven away, I just didn't have time to break down. Our pre-vacation list of things to do was overflowing and time was short.

We spent the day running errands, packing and trying to clean up around the house. I've abandoned all aspirations of returning home to a clean and uncluttered home. As I surveyed the destruction in my home, my goals became more pragmatic. I would like to not be hit with the stench of rotting diapers, baby formula or rotting meat when we return.  I guess we won't know if we were successful until we return.

After the housesitters were made comfortable, I set out to charge all of Scott and Robby's portable electronics. By the time they were all plugged in to juice up all of the electric outlets in my kitchen were occupied. DS systems were relegated to the corner of the dining room.  Despite my frequent reminders and a note on the kitchen counter, I am fairly certain that they will be forgotten. 

By the time the sun rises I'll be in the air, en route to Tucson.  I'm looking forward to seeing my friends, and to being reunited with Scott and Robby in a few days. I know that they are going to thoroughly enjoy their Grand Canyon adventure, and I can't wait to hear all about it!

Nana Vacation

I have been dreading today ever since I learned that I would be attending the conference in Tucson.  While I'm excited to be reunited with my friends for a few days, I know that my attending does not come without a sacrifice from my Mom. She will be watching Timmy for the week, and today is the day that I pack him up and send him to Nana's.

My Mom has been anticipating his visit by going to baby consignment shops and stocking up on toys and a small pool. I have no doubt that my little Hamlet will be spoiled, busy and happy. Between my Mom, my sister and his cousins, I know that he will be entertained and probably won't miss me at all.

Even though he won't spend time lamenting my absence, I will miss him terribly. The thought of being away from him for a week has been bringing me to tears. I suspect that I have been driving my Mom crazy by putting off scheduling the Timmy hand-off. I know that we are going to have to meet today so that she can take him to her house, but I find the thought of saying good-bye overwhelming.  Of course, avoidance only works so long and today he will begin his week long adventure at Nana's. 

As I am watching Timmy run around the room giggling, I am feeling an uncomfortable combination of sadness and guilt. Logically I know that we are doing the right thing by letting him stay with my Mom instead of accompanying us to Arizona. Timmy would be miserable cloistered in a hotel room with minimal toys and none of the comforts of home. Since this is a working trip for me, I would not be available to provide the constant entertainment he would require. 

This morning I have one more medical test, and then we will pack up Timmy and drive to meet my Mom. I know that he is going to be spoiled and happy, so I am trying not to think about how much I am going to miss him. 

Tour de Neighborhood

While yesterday was not warm enough to go to the pool, it was the perfect day to spend outside. My morning and early afternoon were scheduled with appointments, but almost as soon as I arrived home, I challenged Robby to a neighborhood bike race.  In retrospect I probably should have withheld the challenge until after I had changed out of my sundress.  As soon as I threw down the challenge, Robby was out the door, riding to gather his friend Rowan to join his team.

Before I had a chance to change into more appropriate riding attire I had two kiddos (three if you count Timmy, but in all fairness he had no idea why he was cheering) jumping up and down begging to start the "most epic" neighborhood ride. I grabbed my racing partner, strapped him into his baby buggy and strapped the helmet onto my newly styled hair.  Scott hopped onto his scooter to act as traffic cop, race judge and basic team support. In other words, he made sure the intersections were clear and carried the water bottles.

For some reason, I was feeling particularly competitive and decided not to let the kids win. I think my decision surprised them because when Scott dropped the Happy Face flag, I took off like a flash. The friends frantically pedaled after me, shouting cheers of encouragement and directions as they tried to keep up. Although not particularly helpful, Timmy thoroughly enjoyed the excitement, being part of the action, and the wind blowing in his face as we tooled around the neighborhood.  He was laughing and grinning the entire time.

I tried to temper my excitement when I reached he duck pond (finishing line) two bike lengths ahead of my fierce competitors. Okay, I do have to admit that I did unstrap Hamlet so that we could perform our victory dance in the middle of the road. After all, I had just schooled some little racers who were talking smack just an hour earlier. I deserved to gloat a little.  Of course, those who were driving by obviously missed the context of my victory dance, and I'm sure it looked both odd and boastful. 

The friends are already plotting a rematch, which I will gladly accept. I'm fairly certain that they will win the next race, not because I will allow it but because I was rather sore last night from pedaling so hard. Every once in awhile I'll put in 100% effort to win, I am reminded of my victory every time I try to sit this morning.

Hearing Disclosure

We received the best possible news from Robby's ear specialist. We went to his appointment expecting to hear that his tube was misaligned and needed to be replaced. Although we hated the notion of Robby undergoing another ear surgery, recently the implications of his hearing issues have been glaring. His speech has stymied and it has been increasingly difficult to gain his attention when we are at a distance. 

Instead of hearing our amateur diagnosed confirmed, the doctor threw us for a loop when she declared that the tube was still in place. She vacuumed out the copious amounts of ear wax that had formed around the canal and discovered extensive granuloma formation. The surgeon explained that these little obtrusive masses were probably the result of a lingering ear infection.  He was prescribed ear drops to "melt" them away, and hopefully no further treatment will be necessary.

Although the granuloma tissue is still present, simply removing the wax from around the canal has made an incredible difference in Robby's hearing. He immediately began to talk about how much easier it was to understand us when we were speaking. He explained that many times he just nodded because he was hearing too many muffled sounds to decipher our conversation. Hearing this from him broke my heart! I wish he had told us earlier that he was struggling.

We had a lengthy family conference last night where we addressed Robby trying to conceal his difficulties.  We reminded him that we are a team and that when one teammate is struggling, they need to speak up so that everybody can pitch in and help. Fearing that he was embarrassed, I tried to convey that his difficulty hearing was no more a reflection of how great he is than my amputation is for me. It is part of us, but we are not defined by our losses. I think he understood the analogy because he gave me a hug and promised to let us know the second he notices a difference.