I think I am in a state of fitness saturation. It feels like my every waking moment is consumed with working out, tending to various limb injuries which are the result of my working out, or counting calories so I don't sabotage my fat burning efforts. Right now I just want to stay in bed and eat a cupcake!
During the past seven weeks I
have dedicated myself to becoming healthy and strong. I've fought
through blisters and pinch cuts, phantom pain and socket sores. I've
used 5 tubes of BenGay
to treat my sore muscles after sweating through 21 sessions with my
trainer. I thought by this time in the process I would be feeling better
about myself. Instead, I find myself feeling frustrated and depressed.
I know that I've lost weight, but each pound shed merely reminds
me of how much more I should be losing. I am, without a doubt, the
chubbiest person I've seen at the gym! My clothes are looser, but when I
ask Scott if he can see a difference, he simply responds by saying, "I
see you everyday, it's hard for me to judge." I really wish he would
just lie to me and tell me that the transformation is amazing.
thought that I would find the weights and exercises easier. Instead I
am still struggling with my form. I still look like a novice and
continue to feel silly and out of place at the gym.
this foray into the not-so-wonderful workout world, I have cursed my
prosthetic more than I have since I first became an amputee. I am tired
of having to adapt the movements and make accommodations. I anticipated
muscle fatigue and being sore. I never envisioned how I would feel so
disabled in my quest to become healthy!
I can't help but
think that many of my frustrations should be attributed to my trainer
instead of my prosthetic. Despite my explanations, I continually have to
make adjustments to the movements. I hear mutterings among the trainers
that I am making excuses and being weak by making an accommodation.
These innuendos make the experience even more toxic as I feel
myself becoming defensive and angry because I do not use my amputation
as an excuse.
The countdown is on and I only have 6 more sessions at this
facility. With the end in sight, I am fighting the inclination to simply
quit. I want to see this through to completion and I won't allow myself
to give up.
I've made some progress, but I know that I still have a lot of
work ahead of me. I'm not giving up on becoming healthy, but I am
abandoning all hopes of this facility helping me achieve my goal. I'm
currently investigating other gyms and trainers who will be more adept
at working with my prosthetic.