Rolling Down The Grass Hills

The weather here in Northern Virginia has been unseasonably warm. For the past few days it has been in the 70's. Having a toddler who loves to play outside, the lovely November weather has been a wonderful treat.

Yesterday, in an effort to take full advantage of the warmth and sunshine, and in an attempt to tucker out Robby, we went to the park. As Robby was busy running around with the other kids, I made a realization. Perhaps I was particularly astute because, as I was getting ready in the morning, I noticed a lot of grey hair. It dawned on me that I now needed to choose coloring that touts "covering grey" rather than just choosing a fun color. I was feeling old. In any case, it quickly became clear that I was the oldest Mommy there.

I know that I am not "old" but comfortably aging. I have more energy and I am stronger than I was when I was in my 20's. Being around perky 20-something Mommy's made me self-conscious about my age. I suddenly felt sluggish and middle aged.

I suppose I countered the discrepancy between our ages in my typical fashion. I opted to "prove my youth." Yes, yet again I tried to prove to myself that I can still be the "fun Mommy."

While all of the other Mommy's were sitting and reading a magazine or chatting or texting on their phones, I threw myself into playing with toddlers. I chased Robby and his friends around the playground. I went up and down slides. I didn't find sliding nearly as much fun as Robby and his little playmates, but I continued to smile, knowing that I could nurse my sore muscles later.

After the novelty of sliding was gone, Robby proceeded to his next favorite activity: he began to roll down the grass hill. He loves to roll down hills.

I used to love rolling. I have tried rolling down hills since Robby was born and it wasn't nearly as much fun as I remembered. I was left at the bottom of the hill feeling dizzy and a little queasy.

I should have learned my lesson and avoided hill rolling. Apparently I am not that swift, because I opted to give it another try. At the urging of Robby and his three little conspirators, I accepted the challenge. After all, the texting Mommies may be 10 years younger, but I could be 10 times more fun!

I laid down and evaluated my technique. I suffered a shoulder injury last year. I am protective of my arm because it has a tendency to "pop" out of the socket (certainly not an issue I had to deal with in my 20s), but I was undeterred.

I tucked my arms tightly against my waist and closed my eyes. I began to roll. I guess it was more like bouncing than rolling. Yes, I began to bounce down the hill. I thought I had picked a location void of rocks and divots. I was mistaken.

I tried to open my eyes, but my head was spinning too much to focus. I was forced to keep my head down until the spinning stopped. I became nauseated. Initially I thought that it was because of the vertigo. I came to realize I had rolled through a large pile of animal poop. I would like to think that it was dog poop, but the hay encased by the fecal material leads me to believe that the culprit was a horse. (The park also has wonderful trails that are often used for horseback riding.)

As I was bouncing down the hill, apparently my leg lost suction. It slid off my stump about 3/4 of the way down the hill. I didn't realize that it was not attached until I tried to stand up and realized I was down one limb. So there I was, sitting at the bottom of a hill, covered in animal feces, missing my leg and feeling dizzy. Luckily, Superman Robby was there and retrieved Mommy's leg. (His three little friends took off running up the hill when they saw my leg came off.)

Disgusted and sick, I gathered Robby to go home. With as much fake pride as I could muster, I walked past the young Mommies who were trying to comprehend the story that was coming from the mouths of their little children. I had to concentrate on the lines between the bricks to maintain a straight path, but I managed to make it to to the car.

After I wrapped myself in paper towels to protect the seat, I drove to another section of the park. I put The Wiggles CD on to amuse Robby and turned off the car. After a few songs, I was able to regain my composure and drive home.

While I was taking a shower, I made a vow to myself. I will never again roll down another hill. I can still be the "fun Mommy," but perhaps I can achieve this status with cookies instead of queasiness. And if I have to use Nice N' Easy to cover my grey, so be it. At least I won't be scaring little kids and rolling through poop to prove my youth!