My Last Poop Blog (fingers crossed...)

Since Thanksgiving I have been held hostage by the pooping habits of my three year old. Robby's "withholding" has affected every aspect of my day. I haven't been able to leave the house for more than an hour at a time for fear of "leakage" burning his sore and raw bum. We have both been miserable.

I have conducted countless hours of research on the internet trying to find a remedy. After a discussion with other Mommies, I opted to try the "mineral oil" treatment. The oil is supposed to lubricate the bowel movement, making it painless when passing. Theoretically, after a few pain free bowel movements, Robby's fear of poop was to subside, and life was to return to normal.

The first day Robby was on the oil yielded limited success. He pooped in the bathtub. At the time I was elated. The entire family erupted into the "poopy dance." In retrospect, the poop was probably due to his screaming and his inability to control his muscles while throwing a tantrum.

The second day of the oil treatment produced no movements. Robby continued to withhold and his diaper rash continued to worsen. More research led me to slightly increase the oil dosage.

Yesterday Robby began to poop. As soon as he pooped without screaming he was rewarded with a trip to the bakery. There he picked out a giant Christmas tree cookie, smothered in green frosting. Yes, I am not above bribery, especially when desperate!

Scott and I thought that we had conquered the "withholding" issue. We decided to continue a maintenance dose of the oil to keep things "running smoothly." Poop talk in our house has become both natural and matter of fact.

Today I woke up determined to resurrect my dwindling Christmas spirit. I put on a brand new bright red cable knit sweater. Robby, dressed in red pants and his Santa Claus shirt, looked adorable. I must admit, we were quite the festive looking pair! We set out for the mall so that Robby could meet Santa.

I was delighted when, after some coaxing, Robby approached Santa. He was eager to sit on Santa's lap as soon as he saw the basket of lollipops next to Jolly St. Nick. Again, he is still at an age where he is easily and cheaply bribed. I got a wonderful picture of him with Santa.

Robby began complaining of a tummy ache almost as soon as we got home. He told me that he needed a new diaper. I no sooner took off his diaper when I received the surprise of a lifetime.

I've experienced projectile vomiting before. I didn't know that projectile diarrhea was a possibility--until today. Before I could seek cover, I was being sprayed with bright green liquid feces.

Nothing was safe from the wrath being produced from his bottom. Bright green (yes, Christmas tree cookie green) odoriferous fecal matter was spraying in 180 degrees for at least 10 feet. Diarrhea covered my brand new Christmas sweater, my hair and my face. The white carpet in my bedroom was splattered with little smelly green dots. My sweet little white cat also received a direct hit. She was not happy!

The rest of my afternoon was spent cleaning up after his anal explosion. With everything properly disinfected and cleaned, the smell is beginning to dissipate. Looking on the positive, Robby is no longer withholding. I have clean sheets on my bed and my carpet is clean. After seeing the damage inflicted on my sweater, red and green will forever have a different connotation.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find the cat.