Phantom Pain

I am having a bad morning. Actually, my bad morning is merely a carry-over from my bad night. I am miserable today and, unfortunately, I don't see the situation changing anytime soon.

Last night I had a difficult time falling asleep because of phantom pain in my limb. I hate the term "phantom pains" because I don't feel that it is an apt description for what I feel. The pain I was experiencing is anything but phantom!

I know that every amputee experiences phantom pains differently. For some, they actually feel pain in the limb that has been amputated. This has happened to me on a few occasions, but the occurrences are rare. I consider myself lucky that I don't suffer from this type of pain.

My phantom pains are strictly nerve based. My residual limb feels as if it is being stung by hornets. I feel extremely sharp small pains all over my stump, causing my leg to involuntarily kick. On nights when the stinging is severe, I feel as if I should have been a Rockette.

The stinging and kicking combine to make me miserable. Pain medications are ineffective and merely leave me groggy the next day. I am forced to try to find a comfortable position in bed and hope that it goes away.

When the stinging is only moderate, sometimes massage and compression prove to be a useful treatment. I tried my massage pillow last night but it was not effective. In fact, it made the stinging worse. I was in misery.

I struggled to find a position that would quiet the stinging. Finally, I settled on lying on my stomach with my knee bent and pulled up towards my chest. I put a long pillow underneath my knee to provide more support and a little elevation. Relief! The stinging lessened and the kicking subsided.

If I moved from this awkward position the stinging immediately resumed, waking me from my sleep. I was forced by my residual limb to stay in this contorted position. I was able to get a few hours sleep, but my body is paying the price this morning.

Apparently I threw my lower back out by sleeping is such an extreme position. I am having a difficult time walking and slight movements cause shooting pain down both legs. And I'm not sure how I managed to hurt my left shoulder, but I did that, too! I can barely move my left arm without pain radiating down the arm.

I struggled to put my leg on this morning and limped to the coffee pot. It took me a few minutes, but I managed to get to the kitchen to retrieve Robby's milk. I stopped by the hallway closet and pulled out two heating pads.

It took me about 15 minutes to carefully arrange all of our pillows to support my aching body. I finally managed to find a semi-upright position which was quasi-comfortable. I arranged the heating pads under my back and shoulder. I also put my massage pillow under my stump, hopeful that massaging now would thwart similar pains tonight.

I put Blue's Clues on the television for Robby and prepared to have my pain soothed away by the heating pads. I turned on both heating pads and was pleased with their placement. I then turned on my massage pillow.

Poof! Everything turned off. Robby started crying because the television was off and he was helping Steve find the next clue. I wanted to cry, because I knew that I had blown a fuse. This is not going to be a good day.