My Resolution

I know that I mentioned this yesterday, but it bears repeating. I detest New Years! I wish that I could go to bed on December 30th and wake up on January 2.

It seems that every other television commercial is touting a gym, a diet pill or Jenny Craig. Watching the Maxwell House coffee, Toll House cookies and Pillsbury Crescent Roll commercials were certainly more fun. Just last week I would watch TV and feel happy and hungry, but now I watch a commercial and feel fat and inadequate.

New Year-New You themes are everywhere. I suppose I understand the concept and the reason behind the marketing, but I heard that 80% of all weight loss resolutions have been abandoned by Valentine's Day. That actually makes sense--that is when ads for chocolate are ramped up!

Instead of resolving to lose weight, to clean more or to recycle more, I am going to focus on acceptance. I realized that I am more lenient in accepting other people's flaws than I am with my own. I have become my harshest critic, and I am too hard on myself.

I used to feel confident- at least I think I did. Now I find myself doubting everything from my parenting skills to my looks. I've been told that I have a normal gait pattern, yet I am constantly doubting how I walk. When we are at the park I hate that my amputation keeps me from utilizing some of the play equipment. At the same time, I realize that every other parent is sitting down and isn't even near the play structures. I am tired of never feeling good enough!

Confiding in a friend yesterday, I realized that I am not alone with my self-deprecating thoughts. I suppose that women are particularly vulnerable to engaging in this thought pattern. We try so hard to be everything to everybody that we leave nothing for ourselves. In a strange way I feel like I am left with the very worst parts of myself because I've given the best to everybody else!

One of my favorite television shows has become "The Biggest Loser." I particularly like the theme song which asks the question, "What have you done today to make you feel proud?" I decided to start my transformation by answering that question.

Every night I am going to ask myself what I did to make me feel proud. I am hoping that asking the question will force me to focus on more positive achievements. I know that this simple step isn't going to change my negative thought patterns completely, but it is a start. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them!

I'll keep you posted on my "eliminating the anti-Peggy mindset" resolution as my journey progresses. In the meantime, I want to wish everybody a happy and safe New Year celebration. We plan on ringing in 2011 by watching a giant pizza be lowered to the ground at 8:00 pm at our local pizza shop (they ring in the new year early for kids). After a toast of milk, we will be going home.

I plan on being tucked into bed and watching a movie by 9:00. I'd say that I was boring, but in the spirit of my resolution I'll congratulate myself for conserving my energy and staying home on what my father refers to as "amateur night." Happy New Year!