I Feel Old

The past few mornings I have been waking up feeling old. All of my bones hurt and, while it hasn't been difficult to move, the discomfort has made for a miserable way to start the day. Ironically, the only part of me that didn't hurt was my stump.

I am not sure why my body has been hurting. My exercise routine, although increased slightly, has not dramatically changed. I've been eating well and drinking plenty of fluids. There is no reason for me to wake up feeling like an old woman.

I suspect that part of the problem lies with my inability to sleep at night. I wake up with my jaw clenched so tightly that it difficult to open my mouth. Unbeknownst to me, I might be clenching my other muscles when I'm sleeping, causing the pain when I wake up.

There is no one reason for me to be feeling so stressed at night. Unfortunately, the cause of the anxiety is most likely caused by pituitary tumors that were discovered nearly two years ago. The growths are too dangerous to remove without cause. The fact that they are benign and not impacting my day to day life means that they will stay in place.

I'm glad that I won't be having the surgery near my brain, but I hate that I have to just "live with" the growths. The feelings of anxiety that they cause are real and create physical consequences because the growths impact other endocrine systems. I think it is time for me to return to the doctor to discuss changing my medication. I hate not being able to sleep and I resent feeling like I should be waking up in a nursing home!