Repair Anxiety

Today the repairman is scheduled to return to our house to repair our fridge. Even though we were all tired and grumpy from the oppressive heatwave, last night's family activity was purging and cleaning. It took us over an hour to get rid of the expired food, half eaten tubs of dip and lone pickles that had been hiding in the recesses of our fridge.  Our freezer was littered with single hot dogs and assorted veggies that had somehow escaped their packaging. Between the freezer and the refrigerator, we filled three giant trash bags.  

After the food was relocated to either the trash can or the refrigerator and freezers downstairs, we turned our efforts to cleaning. Well, I turned my attention to cleaning. The boys retreated to the bedroom as soon as the last frozen pizza was put away. I was disgusted by the gunk that had accumulated on the shelves and within the bins!

I'll be glad when the repair is complete. The loud humming coming from the motor has been driving me batty. I feel like I am being taunted by the constant reminder that it is broken. Silence will surely be golden when everything is fixed.

Even though I'm looking forward to the repair being completed and my kitchen returning to its normal state of clutter and chaos, I am not looking forward to hosting the repairman today. I hate having people in the house when I am home alone. (The fact that Timmy is also home offers little solace.) Whenever somebody unknown is in the house I feel uneasy and paranoid.

The fact that I am an amputee definitely contributes to my uneasiness. If somebody wanted to hurt me, I worry that I'm an easy target. Even though I am strong and have taken self-defense courses, I can't help but feel vulnerable by my prosthesis.  

I hate feeling this way.

Sad Sign

The For Sale sign is posted in front of Bill's house. Every time I look out my window, I feel washed with sadness. I am going to miss my dear friend. To add further heartache, I know that my boys are going to miss their adopted grandfather. 

Robby and Timmy don't know life without having Mr. Bill watching from across the street. He has fixed fishing poles, mended bicycle tires and encouraged peeing on trees. He has guided Robby through school projects and has been a wealth of information for reports. It is hard to imagine the neighborhood without him.

After much internal debate, Bill has decided to move because he can no longer maintain his yard to his high standards. I suggested that he stay and simply lower his standards or hire somebody to help him care for the property, but I quickly realized that he was not grappling for reasons to stay. He wants to move because he is tired of taking care of the house and wants a simpler life. My offering suggestions was only making the situation more difficult.  

Instead of trying to fix the situation, I have come to the conclusion that the best way to handle the move is to support Bill. He is changing his entire life, and I know that he is both scared and confused. As much as I want him to stay, he needs to do what is best for him. Change is hard for everybody, regardless of age.  

Part of me is hoping that his house doesn't sell and that his desire to leave fades. But I also know that my wishes are selfish, and that Bill needs to move on if that is what he wants to do. So I will cherish the remaining time that we will share as neighbors and help him in anyway possible with this transition. Outside I will be strong and caring, but inside my heart will be breaking.

Sidelined

For one more day my limb health has stymied my plans. I was hoping to spend yesterday tidying up around the house, working through the laundry and playing outside with Timmy. Instead I ended up on the couch, watching The Polar Express while icing my limb. I hate the vulnerability that I feel whenever I have a prosthetic issue! 

Timmy is now old enough to understand when I need to take it easy and rest, which makes the situation easier. Instead of continuing to run around and throwing tantrums because he can't play outside, his whole demeanor changes when he sees me hobbling around. Now he tries to kiss my boo boos, brings me cups of water and snuggles up next to me to watch his favorite movie. I hate that he has to adjust his schedule because of my issues, but I love the compassion that he is demonstrating.

Hopefully taking another day off and resting has allowed me to heal enough to hobble through today without issue. The sore is now completely closed, and the swelling has gone down considerably. I will still take it easy, but I'm going to try to push myself a little bit today. 

I'm tired of being slowed by my prosthetic issues.  I'm bored of sitting on the couch, and looking around there is so much that needs to be done I'm feeling frustrated. I should also admit that as much as I love Christmas, I might lose my mind if I have to watch the Polar Express again today!

Farm Fun

The weather was ideal on Saturday, so we decided to take full advantage of the rain respite by going to the farm. Although we had a lot of back-to-school errands to finish, we decided that it would be more fun to play in the sun. We figured we could tackle all of our errands on Sunday when the weather was supposed to be more humid.  Timmy had a fantastic time playing on all of the structures and riding the cow train. The farm is definitely Hamlet's happy place. He has been going there since he was a baby and roams the grounds like a boss.

While Timmy was busy playing, Robby immersed himself in fishing. He was able to pull several large fish from the pond before losing his last hook to a large snapping turtle. Disappointed that his fishing adventure was cut short, he packed up his gear and dedicated the rest of his afternoon to playing with his little brother. (In many ways the farm is magical because both boys get along without scrapping.)

Our plans of tackling our errands on Sunday became complicated when I removed my prosthesis on Saturday night to discover a large sore behind my knee. I didn't feel any pain during the day, but the discomfort increased as the evening wore on. By the time the sun went down, I had my limb wrapped in a cool towel and was feeling worn out on the couch.  It was not a fun way to finish off an otherwise great day.

Sunday my leg still hurt but wearing my prosthesis was manageable.  In an ideal world I would have gone the entire day without donning my prosthesis. But I live in reality, not in the real world.   I did try to minimize the amount of time I wore my leg so that the sore could heal quickly.  I really hate how a small sore can turn well laid plans upside down!

Potty Training Trouble

Earlier this week, as I was rummaging through my purse for a pull-up diaper, another Mom proudly declared that her son was fully toilet trained at 18 months. I smiled and agreed that it was wonderful before sticking the pull-up up my shirt and discretely guiding my wet little cherub into the bathroom. Unfortunately Timmy doesn't do anything discretely, and began to scream "no pee pee potty" with a sense of outrage and panic.  

Timmy not only demonstrates zero interest or motivation in using the toilet, but he seems to go out of his way thwart our efforts. He melts down into tears and tantrums whenever I try to put cloth underwear on him. He has resorted to hiding in corners when he has to go to the bathroom in an effort to avoid going to the potty.  

I've read the books, bought the trainer toilets and urinals, and purchased the potty bribes. In May I was confident that he would be fully out of diapers by the end of the summer. Labor Day is around the corner and I'm still buying Pull-Ups and Diapers. Needless to say, we have failed to meet our goal. 

It is painfully obvious that I am not good at guiding a child through potty training.  In fact, I would go as far as to declare that I am a complete failure at potty training. Unfortunately for everybody, learning to use the potty is not negotiable. I'm in for a loud, and frustrating weekend as we continue our efforts.  Wish us all luck!

Broken Fridge

Timmy is not handling his Daddy's return to work gracefully. Each morning he is in tears, wrapping his little arms and legs around Scott and holding on as tightly as possible. After we pry him off and Scott makes his departure, Hamlet breaks down crying. It doesn't take long for his cries to morph into a full blown tantrum, which I am forced to endure until it passes.

I am hoping that his reaction softens as this routine becomes our new normal. I hate seeing my little guy so distraught. While I know that his tantrum is not fun for me, I am confident that he is miserable as well.  

I would love to pack up Timmy and Robby to escape to the pool to enjoy our final days of summer. The sky full of rain clouds and a broken refrigerator thwarted that plan. So instead of playing in the sun I am going to be waiting for the appliance repairman.  

Sigh. I really don't want to be an adult anymore.

Sprained Phantom Ankle

Last night the skies opened up and the rain showered down for hours. Our yard is again a sloppy, wet mess. At this point I have completely given up hope for the rest of the summer. Instead I am hoping that the Fall is full of beautiful leaves and bright sun shine against blue skies. 

In addition to our yard and our roof, my leg has also been feeling the wrath of the rain storms. It seems that the pain becomes more intense and more frequent with each storm. Last night my ankle (phantom) was aching so much I was almost on the verge of tears. It is incredibly painful and frustrating to feel that your missing ankle is somehow sprained. 

Moving around buckets to catch the drops coming into our house, I was struggling to walk. It was painful each time I fully loaded my prosthesis. I removed my leg and liner numerous times, hoping to find a magical sweet spot to allow me to walk without pain. (I knew that my attempts were futile, but I felt like I needed to at least try.) 

Eventually I took some Tylenol, grabbed the heating pad and went to bed for the night. Thankfully the sensation that my ankle is sprained has vanished. Now my limb just feels sore and tight, but completely manageable. 

I am walking without my limp, but I plan on taking it easy today. I feel like my body is trying to tell me to relax and take it easy. An injury right now would be catastrophic, so perhaps it is time I actually start listening to my body and following the cues.