Pain

 The wild fluctuations in weather have caused my 'not-so-phantom' pain to flare. Sleeping has become elusive as my leg morphs into a raging cricket at night, hopping and kicking with each zap of pain. Needless to say, I'm not planning on tackling any massive projects today. As soon as Timmy logs into school, I'm going to try to take a nap.  Between the plp and my general anxiety and hot flashes, the past few days have been miserable. 

I am hoping to nap and kick the pain to the curb soon because this weekend we have a big FlexyFriends event. We are heading to our first 'ComicCon" of the year. Fingers crossed we do well! Between the layoffs and the tariffs, we are not sure what to expect. 

Tomorrow we are heading down to set up and being mobile would be very appreciated by all.

Rainy Day Pain

 Yesterday was rainy and cold. My beautiful daffodils looked miserable as they were pelted into the ground by the relentless rain. The icky weather will continue through today before it clears to just cold temperatures for the rest of the week. Where is Spring? It feels like the whole world is going crazy!

I wouldn't mind the rainy weather if it didn't bring miserable phantom pain along. My leg has been miserable for the past two days. The twitching and zapping has been exhausting because it becomes most active as I try to sleep. I've developed quite a few tricks over the decades to help, but nothing takes it away completely. I'm forced to just ride it out until it vanishes as quickly as it arrived.

Here's to clearer skies and less pain for everybody. (And maybe a rise in the stock market too!)

Never the Same

 The anniversary of Lt. Ofc. John Ellen murdering my brother was difficult. We all continue to struggle with not only his absence but the way in which he was so violently removed from our world. I know I will never be the same, and I have seen the physical changes it has carved into my mom. The mom and nana that we all knew was shattered on April 3 and she will never be the same. 

I have so much more to say but the tears are starting to fall.  Maybe I'll be able to go into it more tomorrow.  Thank you for your patience as I work through my crazy life.

Still No Justice

 One year ago today, Lt. Officer John Ellen of Travis County Texas responded for a wellness check on Jae Friedman. 

Officer Ellen fired 9 bullets through my blind and above-knee amputee brother as he was sitting in his wheelchair drinking a beer. The last words spoken while my brother was alive were "f*cking ch*nk." 

Yet the blue wall stood to swath him in the protection of qualified immunity and his family was sent the bill for the investigation.

 It has been a year and the pain has not subsided and the questions persist. 

My ire towards the police establishment grows exponentially.

My heart shatters when I think about it, so today I am going to try to stay busy and forget.

But I will never forget Jae Friedman, because his life mattered and he did not deserve the violent end he received. 

www.justiceforjae.com

I Fell

 Happy Limb Loss Awareness Month! 

Unfortunately, there is very little happy to celebrate in terms of living with a disability in modern America. Funding for the Amputee Coalition is in peril as the ACL is being dissolved. Services for disabled Vets have already been cut and needed community resources are shuddering.  It sickens me to my core to see individuals who have benefited from these organizations sit back quietly as those services are stripped for the next generation.  

I want to share a little story that happened to me yesterday. It has left me both bruised (literally) and emotionally. But Timmy quickly reminded me that we get kicked a lot but don't stay down for long, so I have decided to share what happened. I have moved deep into a red state, and the differences are becoming stark.

I was outside in the beautiful sunshine, admiring the flowers and seeing what else is popping up around the yard. I tripped over a landscape rock that I didn't see and stumbled into the center of my driveway before succumbing to gravity. I landed on my sound side knee and hand. Unscathed but stunned, I stayed on the driveway for a moment before starting to get up.

As I began to orient myself, I saw a car loop around our cul-de-sac and pull in front of our driveway. The window was already rolled down and the driver was laughing.  He gleefully screamed "serves you right you fucking libtard" before driving away. 

Since when did seeing a disabled woman fall become a source for amusement? And why did my political affiliation impact their decision to help?  I would help anybody who fell, regardless of the hat they were wearing.

Would you?

Smoke House Burger

 We had a fun albeit quiet weekend. On Saturday my sister came down for lunch and to explore the area. Excited for the opportunity to drive her new Jeep in the warmer temperatures, she was excited to tool us around for a few hours. Timmy seemed especially impressed by the 'headless' Jeep and is looking forward to going road tripping with his Aunt Sheri this summer. 

Yesterday the gorgeous weather continued, allowing us the opportunity to work outside while Timmy rode his bike. Seeing Timmy get back onto his bike was heartwarming and exciting. He has been hesitant about riding (or doing anything deemed dangerous) since breaking his arm last year. Breaking through his fear and regaining his love of biking was fantastic to witness. The smile on his face as he whizzed up and down our driveway was the best thing I've seen all month.

After weeding, planting and riding bikes all afternoon, I decided it would be the perfect evening to fire up the grill.  Unfortunately, after hearing the burgers sizzle on the hot grill our propane tank puttered out and ran cold. I thought it would be easy to finish the burgers inside. 

I never realized it before, but my kitchen stove range does not have a vent. The burgers smoked severely and quickly billowed and filled the entire bottom floor of the house. The fire alarms started beeping aggressively and angrily as we frantically tried to clear the smoke. I opened every window in the solarium, forgetting that I had just hung a stained glass fusion block earlier in the day. The block came down on the top of my head (ouch) but thankfully did not break. 

It took us nearly an hour to clear the smoke out of the house. Scott had to to dismantle and remove the smoke alarms to get them to stop screaming at us. (They have since been reassembled and rehung.) Needless to say, our 'smokehouse' burgers left much to be desired!

Quiet Day

 Yesterday I attended Timmy's Spring Parent/ Teacher conference. He was described as an empathetic, funny, hardworking student. I could not be more proud! He is thriving in his school and is loving having a dedicated classroom in the house. With everything else uncertain, it is reassuring to know that we made the correct decision when it comes to his school.

The weather is supposed to be nice today so I am looking forward to soaking up some sunshine. Hopefully the warm weather will last through the afternoon so that Timmy and I can take another long walk through the neighborhood. We see so many houses with swingsets/ trampolines set up. We are really looking forward to meeting the other kids in the neighborhood.