After Springsteen

 While Sheri and I had a fabulous time at the concert, the evening ended on a somber note. Because we were had floor seats, it was extremely easy for us to exit the venue. We were among the first wave of concert goers to exit into the fresh air. My sister was about two people ahead of me in the crowd when I saw a woman get bumped and tumbled into a light pillar. She screamed in pain, which prompted me to immediately stop. 

I turned around and I saw her trying to get off the ground. I asked if she was okay, expecting the obligatory "No, I'm fine, thanks" before continuing the walk back to the hotel. Instead, she looked me with panicked eyes and said, "Yes. Please call 911. He is hurting me."

 Sh*t.  I hate confrontation, but I quickly realized that our night was going to get interesting. I screamed to my sister, "Sheri, this woman is hurt and needs help." She immediately came back, which was a blessing because this tall, bald, large drunk man was screaming at the bloodied woman and grabbing at her keys. 

She told him to leave. He wouldn't. I told him to leave. He wouldn't. Sheri told him to leave. The situation was quickly escalating. Despite the blood and the screaming, thousands of people streamed by us without offering to help. I think Sheri and I simultaneously realized we needed to figure this out together. 

With communication that comes from being sisters for life, I left to find the police while she led the lady to safety. The drunk man followed my sister and the lady back into the venue, screaming and demanding that she come back and that everything was fine. 

I'll be honest, it took me longer to locate security than it should have. And when I did find help, it took longer for me to convince them that they were needed than it should have. Regardless, when it was finally understood that they had a violent man stalking a woman outside of their bathroom, the cops converged.  

It turns out that the drunk dude was on probation, so he was quickly led away in cuffs (screaming obscenities.)  The woman was treated by medical and helped by the police. Sheri and I provided our contact information and our accounts of the incident before heading back towards our hotel.  

By the time everything was over, the venue had emptied and we had a relatively quiet walk back to the hotel.   While I'm glad that we were there to help, I'm dismayed that nobody else stepped up.  It makes me very sad.

Springsteen

 The Bruce Springsteen concert is one that I will never forget. 

My sister prefers to arrive at event venues with at least an hour to spare. Because I am an easy traveler, I was fine leaving the hotel early so that we could arrive at the concert with "enough time" for her to be able to get a t-shirt. The show started at 7:30 and we had purchased drinks, her t-shirts and found our seats by 6:05. 

We were up in the rafters, taking pictures from our vantage point of the stage and the arena. Needless to say we were excited! As we were getting comfortable for our 90 minute wait for the show, my sister was approached by a lovely young lady. She introduced herself as being with the tour, and offered to move our seats to the floor. 

Are you kidding me? Floor seats for Springsteen? Talk about an amazing opportunity. We gathered our items from our rafter seats and headed to our new floor seats. Wow. Just wow.

 

Celebration

 Happy Birthday to Me!  

This year's celebration, much like everything else, will be different. Usually I don't have anything planned other than preparing a nicer dinner than normal and baking a strawberry shortcake for dessert. This year I actually have fun plans for my birthday! After work I'm heading to Pittsburgh to connect with my sister at the Bruce Springsteen concert. I'm so excited!

I can't remember the last time I had true plans on my birthday. I suspect it was back when I was in college and we would collectively go to the bars to celebrate at each opportunity. Since I graduated into adulthood, my birthday celebrations have been held at home (sometimes at a local restaurant with only family) followed by cake at home. I know that I have not spent my birthday in a 'party' type atmosphere in nearly 3 decades, a trend that is both pathetic and in desperate need of being broken.  

I'm really looking forward to unwinding tonight! 

Summer Soon

 The school year is heading into the final countdown. By the end of this week, we will be into the single digits when counting down until summer vacation. I've never been one to countdown days in front of students because not every kiddo is excited about the weeks without school and the structure that it brings. While I keep the countdown private, I am so excited about summer vacation!

Are we doing anything spectacular? Hopefully, although nothing is planned. I would love to take Timmy to the beach for a few days in July, but we are unsure where because the cost of flying is simply too high. So we are looking at Virginia Beach for a few days but that is still tentative. Too much can change, and planning isn't fun with this many variables.

While summer vacation is on the horizon, it is not yet here. Today we are back to work and back to school. It is going to be hot, which means that my day is going to be a lot harder. Hopefully the heat will stay away until I'm done with my final student. 

Ready

 I've come to the conclusion that my body and mind struggle when my schedule fluctuates. Having a random Tuesday off continues to play tricks with my mind calendar. I was hoping that I would settle back into the routine and the rest of the week would flow smoothly. Instead I'm still feeling disjointed and overwhelmingly tired. 

I suppose much of my fatigue stems from the end of the year chaos. It's a crazy time of year in those halls!While teachers are busy packing up their rooms and collecting devices, the kids are nearly bouncing off the walls in anticipation of summer vacation. While I will miss most of my students, I'm ready for a vacation. 

Summer break is on the horizon but it is not yet here. At this point, I'm just waiting for Saturday so that I can try to sleep away this fog I'm living in. 

 

Sweetwater!

 Yesterday was wonky because it was election day in WV, closing all public offices and schools. Scott and I were left with an extremely rare day off in the middle of the week. Wanting to take full advantage of the opportunity, we logged Timmy out of school at noon (with his teacher's permission) and headed to Northern Virginia for lunch. We have all been missing Sweetwater Tavern, a local favorite, and were delighted that fate aligned for a road trip.

The food was as good as we remembered. The bill was considerably higher than our norm because we ordered all of our favorites. It was a fun treat and I'm glad that we went. It feels like it was an amazing kick off to summer vacation, with the glaring exception that everyone except for Robby are still in school for another several weeks.

It is hard getting up this morning and getting my head in the school game.  A solitary day off in the middle of week has messed up my entire schedule! I know that it won't take long to get my footing, but my goodness I do not want to put on real pants this morning.

Have a great day!

 

The Graduate

 After work on Friday I gassed up the car and headed to Indiana Pennsylvania. The drive was long only because I was tired, but I knew that I would be happy for the effort on Saturday morning. With my niece graduating promptly at 8:30 AM I knew that I wanted to tackle the lion share of the drive ahead of time. I pulled into the motel, an unsavory local rendezvous spot outside of town, and barricaded myself inside for the night. I went to bed early and woke up ready to watch my baby niece receive her degree!

 

Graduation

 Yesterday I received a very special invitation. Due to unforeseen circumstances, my niece had several extra tickets for her college graduation. While I understood the need to prioritize attendees when graduation plans were being discussed, I am delighted to be able to witness this amazing milestone in person. Recognizing the importance of my attending, Scott immediately started to find me a hotel room semi-local to the university. I'll be 20 minutes away tomorrow morning, allowing me to relax and actually sleep before the 8:30 start time. 

I am so proud of my niece. She has worked so hard, both academically and literally, throughout her college career. She has already accepted a position as a social worker. I swell with pride when I imagine the families and lives that she will enhance through her efforts.

What a great way to kick off Mother's Day weekend!

Pics tomorrow. 

Mall Cops

 Yesterday I took a student to the mall to practice some of his skills in a real-life environment. I love community mobility days. Being out of the physical schools makes the practice more fun and the time goes quicker. As a bonus, I usually get to enjoy a snack in the food court!

To say that I am proud of my student would be an understatement. Yesterday he navigated through the mall, located the Bath and Body Works, solicited assistance and made his purchases without me. While I was still supervising, he was essentially 100% independent which is an amazing accomplishment. Unfortunately, he may be too comfortable in public.  

While he was in the store I was surrounded by three mall cops. In a chilly tone, I was asked why I was following around a blind individual. "There have been reports that you are suspiciously stalking this individual."  Sigh. Apparently the school employee badge that I was wearing around my neck and the mobility training cane in my hand was not a signal enough that we were on a school trip. 

I was able to quickly justify my role, my student found the exchange hilarious. I was frustrated but I tried to frame the incident in a positive light. At least the community was truly looking out for each other. Somebody was concerned about his safety and spoke up. That isn't a bad thing.  

The fact that they failed to notice the teacher bad is simply moronic, but their intentions were well placed. 

Success

 Yesterday I had an amazing day at work. After working and struggling for months, my student finally crossed a light controlled intersection independently and without tears! Overcoming her own fears about walking independently has been an obstacle that we have been chipping away at throughout the year. I feel like yesterday she knocked a hole through the bolder and sees a glimmer of an independent future. 

Last night I helped Robby enroll in the college course portion of the Normandy Academy experience, allowing him to earn 3 college credits. He spoke with his advisor earlier this Spring about the course and transferring the credits into his program. Robby's advisor seemed to feel that the credits will count towards one of his Historical Preservation courses. Hopefully the Registrar will see his logic and agree to the swap, because right now my Koopa is on Cloud 9 with the prospect of eliminating Architecture from his schedule next semester.

While I was busy helping Robby, Timmy was on the swings or riding his bike through the yard. I love seeing and hearing him playing outside. I feel badly for not recognizing how much he missed his swing set, but I am going to focus on his joy that it is now in place. 

Today will again be busy, but the hours go a little faster when the skies are so bright and the temperatures are perfect. Have a great day! 

HOme

 Robby has officially finished his second year in college, marking the 50% point in his collegiate career. Wow! On Friday afternoon Scott and I converged at Robby's dorm after work to finish the move-out. Because I have been harping on him to bring home non-essential items for weeks, the final move-out was easy (relatively). Unfortunately the contents of his dorm room are now strewn across my living room floor, but we will tackle that issue throughout the week.

Saturday we honored Scott's one year anniversary since his heart attack. The anniversary hit him hard and the boys and I struggled to bring a smile to his face throughout the day. He just wanted to be left alone, which is ultimately what we ended up doing. First anniversaries are difficult, regardless of the progress that has been made during the year.

On Sunday I began to tackle the mountain of laundry that was brought home from college. From clothes to linens, the piles feel endless! In the evening we lit up the fire pit to celebrate Robby's start to summer vacation. 

 

Fun

 Yesterday's PLP subsided by mid morning, allowing me to thoroughly enjoy the rest of my day. Timmy offered to let me borrow some of his meteorites and other space rocks so that I could show them to my students. My goodness, I under estimated the excitement that would be elicited by every single student when I asked them if they wanted to hold a piece of Mars. From preschool to high school, each student eagerly grasped the opportunity and thoroughly enjoyed exploring the different items. It was a fun day full of smiles and excitement.

Today the excitement will continue as Robby is moving home after the successful completion of his Sophomore year. I can't believe that he is 1/2 of the way through with his degree! This semester he has really come into his own. Although I know he is going to miss his college lifestyle, I am looking forward to having him home.

As a family, we opted to handle the move-out differently this year. Robby has a lot of anxiety involving move-out because last year it ultimately led to Scott's heart attack. In order to minimize the amount of effort needed on a single day, we have spent the past few weeks and days ferrying boxes and bags from the dorm to home. Today we only have to move bedding, his laptop, refrigerator and microwave. It *should* be easy!

Wish us luck! 

PLP

My not-so-phantom pain has decided to make an unannounced visit and it appears that she has settled in to stay for awhile. My bouts of plp are short compared to some of my friends who suffer horribly and constantly, so I really try to not complain when I have a flare. But I also recognize that my flares still cause me pain and my discomfort shouldn't be minimized through comparison. I am lucky that I don't flare often, but I am miserable when it occurs.

I'm hoping that the pain will work out as I go through my day. Unfortunately today is going to be very busy as I typically log the most steps on Thursdays. The constant twitching through my limb is driving me crazy and it is only 7 AM. UGH! Sometimes being an amputee really sucks, and today is one of those days. 

Wish me luck and hope that the pain walks itself out. 

Done In Due Course

 Yesterday was rough. I had been dreading the day for several weeks because I knew that the meetings scheduled were going to be both long and tenuous. I wasn't incorrect. I walked into the meeting at 10 and didn't leave until nearly 3, working through lunch and all bathroom breaks. By the time I arrived home I had only logged 2k miles on my pedometer, but my body and mind were drained.  

Thankfully today my calendar is meeting light so I get to spend the majority of my time with my students. It is hard to believe that we are entering the final month of the school year. I look at their growth and I am so proud of all of them! It has been an amazing experiencing becoming part of their lives for a few months. 

Have a good day. I'm certainly going to try! 

Birthday Wrap Up

 Timmy thoroughly enjoyed his birthday weekend. Friday morning we kicked off the day by going to Waffle House for breakfast. Because it was a wonky work day, I was able to take him to Hibachi for lunch, which is always an absolute favorite. For dinner he opted to keep it simple by celebrating with cheese fries and chicken tenders from his favorite local pizza restaurant.  For dessert, we had ice cream cake of course!

In between the numerous restaurant visits, Scott and I were able to assemble his gift. Timmy was delighted (although not surprised) to receive his new electric dirt bike. He spent the majority of the afternoon tooling around the house and through the woods on his new bike. 

Saturday we met my Mom and sister for lunch at Red Robin, so the eating out celebration continued. His Nana gifted him protective equipment for his new bike, which is both needed and much appreciated. As soon as the rain subsided after we got home Timmy geared up and headed back on his bike.

Yesterday Timmy rode and played on his swing for the majority of the afternoon while I cooked a week's worth of meals. Although it is a lot of effort and I am usually exhausted by the end of the day, I have learned to appreciate my efforts after a long day at work. This week is going to be both busy and stressful. Hopefully it will be a good one!

Happy Birthday Timmy!!

 Today is one of my favorite days of the year because it is the day I became a Momom for the second time.  Happy Birthday to my sweet, mischievous, precocious, kind, curious and funny Timmy (aka Hamlet).  I can't believe I am waking up this morning as the Mom of a preteen. I am excited (and somewhat intimidated) by the adventures that lie ahead for my little Hamlet. 

Timmy seems to find situations that are always interesting, unexpected and fodder for conversations, probably because he loves to make people laugh. He is my little performing comedian. Sometimes, when he is in the middle of one of his joke bits, I can see him in the future on a stage or being interviewed. After he makes it bit, I fully expect him to apologize in a public forum for the chaos that he brought into his mother's life when he was a young child trying to perfect his craft.  :)

Happy Birthday Hamlet. I love you to the moon and back, and being your Mom is one of my greatest achievements. You drive me crazy and you frustrate me to tears, but you also melt my heart and make me laugh more than anybody else.  I love you! 

 

Coffee

 It is difficult to fathom that tomorrow morning I will be the Momom to a 12 year old! At the same time, the aches and popping that my body experiences each morning reminds me of my age, so I really shouldn't be surprised by the passage of time. Regardless, the next few days are all about Timmy and I'm ready to celebrate.

To say that he is excited about his birthday would be an understatement. He has been counting down for over a month while dropping not-so-subtle hints about coveting an electric dirt bike.  I'm not going to drop any spoilers, but I suspect that he will be delighted with his birthday. At least, that is our goal.

 Even though his birthday isn't until tomorrow, our family has been in celebration mode for a few days. Each morning I have been surprising Timmy with a favorite breakfast as we countdown to Friday. Each evening he has been happily swinging on his new swing set in the backyard, delighted with his new set up. 

Today is going to be busy. My schedule is packed and I am going to all of my energy to get through the day.  My energy and probably a few more cups of coffee.  Have a great day! 

Temperatures

These wild temperature fluctuations are crazy!  Last week I was melting in the 90s, while this morning I'm bundled up under blankets and cursing the fact that I have already stowed my gloves for the season. I know that I am in the majority, but right now I prefer the cooler temperatures. My leg fit is more consistently comfortable when I do not add sweat to the mix. 

I only have five more weeks left in this school year. Do you think my leg will make it until the end of the term? My the odds be in my favor.  LOL

 

Swinging

 Scott and I spent Saturday morning assembling a 10-foot high swing set, courtesy of Timmy's Nana. My mother has an established history of gifting extraordinarily heavy items to my boys, so when a 250 lb box showed up on my driveway, I didn't need to look for a card. Timmy has been patiently waiting for his swing set to be assembled, and Saturday morning was the perfect day. 

With temperatures in the low 70s and no rain for the day, Scott and I set out to take full advantage of the assembly opportunity. Did we have to redo every step at least once because we made a mistake? Absolutely. Despite our best efforts, we were constantly disassembling and redoing steps. Even with our frustratingly frequent mistakes, assembly did not take as long as we feared. 

After 2 hours, the swing set was done and ready to be placed in the yard.  Timmy was ecstatic when he saw it in the driveway, and before I knew it he was helping Scott carrying it up the hill. By mid afternoon Timmy was happily swinging. According to him, it is the best thing we have done to the house since we moved in. 

I have to say, I agree.  Thank you Mom!  You knew just what he needed.

 

TGIF

 I'm happy it is Friday!

The week after a break is always difficult. It is harder to wake up in the morning and the days feel slightly longer when you try to resume your pre-vacation schedule. The heat has not helped quell my fatigue. While I appreciate the warmer temperatures, Mother Nature's most recent heat flash has brought temperatures in the 90s. Adjusting to the heat as well as returning to the work schedule has left me completely wiped out.

I already know that I'm going to have a difficult time navigating the heat in this current prosthetic set-up. My leg was slipping out of the socket yesterday and I felt my remaining muscle struggling to hold on with each step. I'm spraying my limb down with antiperspirant this morning in the hopes of calming the sweat reaction, but I know that I am going to need a more aggressive approach. 

This socket simply doesn't fit, and my system of make-shift pads and socks becomes compromised when heat is added to the mix.  I am really hoping that I can hold on until June, when the school year ends and I can start the process for a new leg. 

Happier

 The temperatures are rising and there is no doubt that Spring has sprung. I am loving spending the hours outside with my students, exploring neighborhoods and the school campus. After being indoors throughout the winter, it is nice to be working outside again. The minutes pass so much quicker in the fresh air and sunshine!

As the temperatures are rising, I find myself struggling with my wardrobe. I will not wear shorts to work, but I need to find lighter weight pants or capris. The heavy denim pants that I have been wearing are becoming very hot throughout the day. It is a strange situation because I don't know if I just should stay on trend and keep with longer pants that are lighter in weight, or do I just go with capris and let it known that I'm an amputee.

At this point, only a few select individuals know that I am living with prosthesis. It is kind of fun to be walking with a 'secret,' but perhaps it is time to just reveal and be comfortable. I was initially concerned about being able to make my own impression. The school year is almost done, so I believe that goal has been achieved. Before the end of the month, I will host my own personal celebration of limb loss awareness month by revealing my prosthesis at work. It should be fun! 

In the meantime, we are settling into the end of the school year with our eyes on summer. Robby has two more weeks of classes before finals. The rest of us have work until the end of May and Timmy continues for another week or two beyond that. Before I know it, we will all be home and waking up late on lazy summer mornings! It has been another year of adjustments and I cannot wait to just totally unwind.

 

Better Day

 I'm not going to lie, yesterday was rough. Hopefully today will be better.

Although it was a difficult day, it was an absolutely beautiful evening. Timmy, recognizing that I was upset, took it upon himself to prep the firepit. After it was lit he invited me to come outside to enjoy it because "even the worst days end better when you have a firepit."

He wasn't wrong. There was something soothing about just sitting next to the firepit and letting my mind unwind. I realized that I have been taking unprofessional exchanges personally. In reality, these interactions are simply a reflection of a different professional code of conduct which is probably regionally based.  The rules are supposed to be the same yet I often feel as if I am trying to learn an entirely different game. 

As this contract winds down with the school year I am starting to open myself up to new adventures. I am not sure what I am going to do next school year. The prospect of starting over feels overwhelming but I am reassured by the knowledge that I have already done it several times. 

Here's hoping that today is a better day. Wish me luck as I struggle to keep my face calm and my voice quiet. 

Rough start

 I was told to be clear and concise.

Is "bite me" clear enough?  It's been a rough start to the week.... 

I'm back

 My apologies for not posting last week. Because we were on Spring Break, I wanted to disconnect and just enjoy the time with the family so I opted to avoid the computer. I realize, in retrospect, that I should have posted my intentions. If you are still with me, I thank you!

My week off-line was just what my mind and heart needed to recenter and get ready for the weeks ahead. I spent the beginning of my week off by hanging out with Scott and Timmy (when he wasn't in school).  On Wednesday I headed up to visit my Mom and to accompany her to a doctor's appointment. While I was in PA my very dearest friend made to trip to hang out with me at my Mom's. It was so wonderful to have some friend time! I have missed those types of connections, especially since moving to WV.

Friday afternoon I packed up and headed back home for the remainder of our break. I spent the weekend deep cleaning the house. It hasn't looked this clean since we moved in, but I'm not overly optimistic that it will remain this way. I'm going to try to enjoy it while I can.

Today is back to work for everybody.  It is going to be hot. Wish me luck!

Easter

 Our Easter was uneventful but enjoyable. On Saturday night our yard was 'egged' as part of a local fundraiser.  Timmy (with an obedient Robby in tow) spent an hour running around the yard with flashlights, trying to locate each egg before the rain rolled into the area. Although the egg hunt was supposed to occur during daylight, the nighttime search was perfect fun. I loved hearing Timmy squeal with egg greedy delight with each plastic discovery.

The majority of Sunday was spent in the kitchen, working on a dinner that highlighted a favorite side from each family member. It took me 4.5 hours and three loads of dishes to prepare a meal that took about 20 minutes to consume. After dinner I packed up all the leftovers for Robby and we returned him to his dorm to finish out the school year.

This week I'm off, which brings me so much relief and happiness. My goodness I need a break! I'm looking forward to days of quiet time where I have few to no demands placed upon me.  Hopefully my dreams manifest into reality, because I suspect I'll be working around the house and finishing every project that has been put off. 

Holiday

 Two more days until Spring Break!  My goodness, I'm fairly certain that I am more excited than my students. At this point, the prospect of a solid week without obligations or expectations feels like a luxury vacation. Of course, I'm sure I will fill the time with household tasks and finishing projects that have been waiting, but for the next few days I will continue to dream of relaxation.

While our break is next week, Timmy is enjoying his holiday this week. Yesterday I surprised him by taking him to Red Robin for a late lunch. My goodness that kid loves his cheeseburgers! I feel quasi-guilty about him being home alone all day without the stimulation of his schoolwork, but he has been happy as can be by himself. He has thoroughly enjoyed riding his bike, watching television and eating snacks without supervision, and has been living his best life.  

With today being April 2, I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that April is Limb Loss/ Limb Difference Awareness Month. This year the efforts to highlight the issues faced by amputees feels insignificant. Progress is slow and sometimes battles stall. I definitely feel like the limb loss community is floating adrift without a clear direction. In the current political climate, it is difficult to make headway towards true progress.

Although Spring Break is on the horizon, I still have a few days of work left. The next two days will be busy and chaotic, especially because of the added energy of the approaching holiday.  Hopefully I will have the energy to keep up with these kiddos!  

 

 

 

Happy Mask

 I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a frustration meltdown. My emotions have been held so tightly for so long that, instead of healing, I have become a tinderbox ready to blow. Something has got to give, because I don't want to continue living life on the emotional edge. It isn't fun for anybody.

I'm beyond frustrated with my prosthesis. Last night I had to dismantle it (again) to create some makeshift buffers to stop the squeaking. Each time I have to take it apart I feel twangs of emotions that leave me feeling uncomfortable. I am angry that I am in a situation where I am dependent upon the device that isn't functioning properly. I recognize that I could start the process for a new leg, but I also don't have access to endless leave time to accommodate the fittings and appointments. From a practical standpoint, I need to hold steady until summer break. It stinks!

Although it isn't his fault, I find myself increasingly frustrated with the new cardiac lifestyle. There are so many variables to manage, and Scott seems to slip between which he feels is most important. I never really know if he is overly concerned with sodium, fiber or saturated fat. I know that this is new to him and that he is struggling to acclimate, but the changes in dietary focus are leaving me with whiplash. 

I also realized that I'm angry that we are a cardiac family. I know that this isn't anybody's fault and I certainly do not blame Scott for having a heart attack. I am just angry that our family now has to manage these risk factors and medical reality. I want our old carefree lives back, but I know that that life stage is over.  

Today I just want to scream and hide. Fortunately I have to work and my students deserve my best, so I'll have another great excuse to put on a happy mask. Right now, life feels very hard. 

Weekend

 After a week of feeling like I was licking a curb, I finally feel better. My nose is still a little congested, but at least I feel human again. And I recovered right in time, because this past weekend was both busy and eventful.  

Saturday was spent protesting with Robby before going clothes shopping. Rob was invited to a scholarship reception on Sunday and we realized that he had outgrown (again) his suit. While we didn't have time to secure a new suit, we did set him up with a nice pair of Dockers and a new shirt for the event. 

Sunday was dedicated to the scholarship reception. While I may never see my kids receive an Olympic medal or athletic award, I was tickled to be able to accompany my kiddo to the reception. I am always proud of him and his accomplishments, but yesterday I was especially tickled to be his Mom. I'm so proud of how well he is doing in college, and the person he is becoming.

My leg held up to the activity over the weekend, but I know that my time with this prosthesis is wearing down. I am feeling the lack of energy return with every step. As soon as the school year is over, I'm going to start the process for a new leg. I'm dreading it, but I know that it will be worth it in the end.

Do you have any suggestions for a new foot?  And if you know of a prosthetist in WV or NoVA, please let me know! 

 

 

Sick-still

 Oh my goodness, I'm so glad that it is finally Friday. This week has been made more difficult thanks to the pesky virus that has been nagging at me. By the time I come home from work my nose is bright red, my head hurts and I'm exhausted. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to rest, reset and start to feel normal again.  Being sick simply stinks!

Sick

 I managed to dodge the virus all school year, but this week my luck finally ran out. I came down with a wicked cold, leaving me worn out while sporting a bright red nose. I've been able to make it through my schedule, but I've been heading into bed at 7 pm and sleeping until morning. I miss seeing Timmy and Scott in the evening, but right now my body just needs to sleep.

After several days, I'm finally feeling a little better this morning. My head is clear and my throat and chest don't hurt as much. Hopefully I am on the mend because this cold has been miserable. I suspect I will still crash out early tonight, but hopefully I'll be well by the weekend.

I'm looking forward to the protests on Saturday! 

Race Day

 After a fantastic week at home, Robby has returned to school to finish out the semester. I know that he enjoyed being home and eating lots of homemade meals, but I also saw that he was getting antsy to return to his autonomy and friend group. He is also chomping at the bit to share the news of his scholarship with his professors.

Several months ago, he signed up for the Lucky Charm 4 Miler race with his Aunt Sheri. Wanting to perform at peak, he has trained for more than a month. He was nervous about the fourth mile because all of his other races have been the regular 5K distance, and concerned because he became ill after his last 5K. (It was nearly impossible to convince him that he was sick with the flu, which had absolutely nothing to do with the 5K.)

Despite his concerns, he did an amazing job. Sheri and Timmy crossed the finish line in less than 1 hour, which was his goal. He delighted in us cheering him on, and was especially giddy that his Dad was there to witness his triumph. Timmy wore his participation medal all day and it is now proudly hanging on his wall, in a prime location to be seen and admired during his Zoom class today. It looks like Aunt Sheri has a new race buddy because Timmy spent hours on Sunday looking for his next challenge.  

 

 

Heading to FRANCE!

 I thoroughly enjoyed the day that was "outside the scope of my contract." I slept in and relaxed around the house before doing some light shopping. At lunchtime, I took the boys for a hibachi lunch before they both received fresh haircuts. It was nice to have a random day off to just hang out and relax.

While I enjoyed the hibachi lunch, it was not the highlight of my day. In the late afternoon Robby received a call from a representative from the National World War II Museum. He was offered a full scholarship for Normandy Academy this July. He is going to be heading back to New Orleans before heading with his college peers to France for a week. 

I am unbelievably proud and excited for this opportunity. The trip has been described as life-changing, and I have no doubt that he will be transformed. Needless to say, the entire family was floating on Cloud 9 after receiving the news!  

 

OUCHY

 Our 'storm' day off school was uneventful from a weather perspective, for which I am grateful. The storm created devastation in our neighboring counties, so I am going to consider the day off work a gift and not complain. I would rather be waiting for raindrops than sitting in the dark, fearing falling trees.  Because the weather remained clear I was able to make a really nice dinner and we made a dent in our laundry mountain.

I probably could have completely finished the laundry, but my leg started to overreact in anticipation of the storm that never arrived. Phantom pain stinks, regardless of the situation. I employed all of my tricks, which provided enough relief for me to remain mobile throughout the day. By the time I slipped into the tub at night, my leg was beyond angry.

It was a rough night with stinging and kicking. This morning I'm tired and my limb feels sore from the constant cramping, but I'm again mobile. Hopefully my limb will cooperate with my schedule today! 

 This past weekend was busier than normal (at least for us).  Friday afternoon Scott picked up Robby from school. He is officially home for Spring Break! I'm excited to see him every day, and I know that Timmy is especially happy for the company of his big brother. Of course, I had to whip up one of his favorite dinners to celebrate his homecoming.

On Saturday, we woke up, packed up, and headed to Pennsylvania. We dropped Timmy and Friend off at my Mom's house and Robby, Scott and I continued our way to Easton PA. The boys were heading to a concert and I took the opportunity to visit with my friend Tammy.

Tammy and I ended up going to the same mall that we used to stroll in college. While it is still her local shopping center, I delighted in the nostalgia of revisiting the past. I was gobsmacked that the only thing that remained the same was the name. While I didn't overtly recognize the mall, I did have glimpses of memories as we walked around.

Sunday, we woke up early, packed up and headed to pick up Timmy. After a short visit with my Mom, we continued back to WV. I had a meeting scheduled for today and I really wanted to tackle the paperwork before it became too late. I began the paperwork as soon as we arrived home, and I'm glad that I got an early start because it too me almost 3 hours. 

It turns out that my paperwork woes were not necessary. About an hour after I logged off the computer I received a text announcing the closure of schools for Monday due to storms. I found it ironic that I worried so much about something that got pushed off, but I'm still happy that it is done. 

Today is a wild weather day. I'm nervous about the trees, but there is little I can do to minimize the risk of damage.  Stay safe today if you are in the path of the storms. 

Friend

 I'm looking forward to this weekend when I will be hanging out with my dear friend from college. Scott and Robby scored tickets to a concert in her area, so we decided to make a weekend of it. Timmy and Friend are going to my Mom and Sister's house, where he will enjoy some St. Paddy's day festivities (and lots of spoiling, I'm sure).  I'm going to hang out with my friend while the boys are at the concert. I'm really looking forward to some quality friend time!

Not only will I be seeing my friend, but Robby will be coming home for his Spring Break. It is difficult to fathom that he is almost done with his sophomore year.  Time has moved so quickly, especially since I started back in the schools.  

Robby has already sent me the list of foods that he is looking forward to devouring over the next week. I guess I'll be spending all my free time in the kitchen.  I'm not going to complain though- I'm happy that he still wants to come home and eat at my kitchen table. I know that this won't always be the case, so I'll enjoy the moment. 

Have a great weekend! 

 

Grief

 Yesterday was strange. I woke up at my normal time but, as soon as I opened my eyes, I remembered the significance of the date. 28 years ago my foot was crushed. Most years the anniversary passes as a blip, sometimes I don't even remember at all. But for some reason, yesterday the memory hung heavy on my heart.

A literal lifetime has passed since I was injured and my life was derailed. Since that sad day I have worked through surgeries, pain, loss, frustrations and curve balls to rebuild a new life. In the past year, I've seen most of what I have professionally built dismantled because it was not singularly profitable. 28 years later, I am back working exclusively in my pre-injury profession having accepted that the prosthetics industry truly only values the monetary bottom line.  

Perhaps the anniversary felt more profound this year because I am no longer in the prosthetics industry. I don't know. I do know that I was glad when the sun finally set so that I could put the date behind me. Thankfully nothing of import has happened in my life on March 12, so today should be emotionally safer. 

Riding

 Yesterday I was running around all day putting out fires (figuratively, not literally), but I didn't really mind because the weather was gorgeous. Today is supposed to be even nicer. With bright skies and warm temperatures, I'm looking forward to resuming my outdoor lessons. I've been contained within walls for far too long.

After school Timmy hopped onto his electric bike and rode until the battery was dead. I know that he is delighted to be able to go outside for longer periods of time and to again be on two wheels. I resumed my perch on the swing, chatting with him as he rode by on his loop. After a rather stressful day, it was the perfect way to wind down.

The bike is charging and readying for another session tonight. Have a great day! 

Birthday Wrap Up

 Scott's birthday was a low-key, nearly non-existent affair. Per his request, I refrained from decorating and serenading him with Happy Birthday throughout the day. Instead, I made a nice steak dinner, gave him a gift and called it a day. I knew that this birthday was going to be difficult, but I suspect I underestimated the impact. Regardless, I think we are both happy that his birthday is over so that we can put being 60 in a box and forget about it for another year.

Robby spent the weekend on campus. On Saturday he joined his Spanish class for a field trip to DC. He had a fantastic time! In fact, we didn't hear from him until nearly 11pm.  It turns out that he and his friends decided to go to the Drag Show fundraiser on campus after they got back on campus, so he kept his phone off.  I was delighted to know that Robby was having fun and I was sure that he was safe and happy. Scott was nearly frantic as the evening passed, working himself into a near frenzy. At one point he wanted to drive by Robby's dorm to see if he made it back from the field trip.  Of course he was half joking, but his worry was visible.  His reaction was almost comical if it hadn't been rooted in concern.

Sunday I spent in the kitchen, cleaning and prepping for the week ahead. The weather is going to be gorgeous, which means that my students and I can resume our outdoor adventures.  The days are always happier when I can spend them outside! 

60

 We are on the brink of an exciting weekend. Tomorrow Scott is turning 60! Unlike other decade celebrations, this year we are keeping it simple. Scott asked for a steak dinner tomorrow, and tonight we are going to pick up Robby and go out to a restaurant as a family. 

I'm doing my best to respect Scott's wishes for a calmer celebration because he is increasingly depressed about his age. I'm sure that everything feels different as a cardiac survivor, including birthdays. I keep reminding him (and perhaps myself) that he is entering year 60 healthier than he entered 59. His blood pressure is under control, he has shed 15 pounds, he works out regularly and his diet has been completely transformed. By every measure he is physically better this year, but the weight of the 'event' continues to weigh him down.

There have been so many changes for both of us that I certainly understand Scott's desire for quiet and normalcy. I suspect that he will spend his birthday on the couch watching racing, which will allow him to zone out and unwind. Have a great weekend! 

 

Sad

 This has been a rough week. Work has been fine, but my emotions have been on the brink. We have lived in this state for a year now, yet Scott and I continue to feel like outsiders. The residents of this state just don't welcome outsiders. After a year of big smiles and outgoing conversation starts, I am simply tired of trying.

I've resigned myself to the fact that I probably won't form friendships with anybody in this state. I just can't break through, and the rejection is starting to wear me down. I'm starting to no longer give a f*ck, which is not a mentally healthy perspective to hold about coworkers and neighbors.

Thankfully the cold rain is supposed to dissipate today, leaving bright skies and warmer temperatures. I'm hopeful that resuming outdoor activities again will help to bolster my mood. I always feel happier walking in the sunshine. 

Nobody Cares

 Yesterday was emotionally and intellectually draining. The marathon meeting took almost five hours, but at the end the student is going to be served appropriately, which is a huge win. While I'm delighted for the outcome, the entire ordeal simply highlighted the fact that I do not fit in socially. While all of the administrators huddled before the meeting and during the break, I was relegated to standing against a wall by myself. Again.

I spend a lot of time wall hugging in this new job. I do not feel welcome into the teacher's lounges, so I try to respect their space and not infringe. Conversation attempts are either outright rebuffed or not reciprocated. Despite my efforts at every school, I have failed to make any social inroads. My conversations remain superficial at best and I'm tired of trying.

I came home from the meeting feeling happy for the student but deflated emotionally. Scott is right. It doesn't matter if I am working remotely or in person. At the end of the day, nobody cares about the contractor.

So, I've decided to abandon any aspirations of establishing friendships. If none of these individuals want to get to know me, so be it. It is there loss, because I'm delightful. (LOL)  Instead, I'm going to focus on my students, and be the best instructor that I can be for them. They deserve it.  

Park

 What a gorgeous weekend! 

I'm going to ignore the fact that we are supposed to receive more snow tonight by focusing on the fact that it was almost 70 degrees over the weekend. It was the perfect weekend for Robby's Pokemon Go event, which he thoroughly enjoyed both Friday and Saturday.

While Robby was busy at the park with his friends, Timmy took the opportunity to go jogging. He is registered for a Lucky 4 Miler with my sister in a few weeks and he has been training. I must admit that I am impressed with his dedication. I've always hated to run, but he seems to enjoy himself. We spent Friday evening meandering through the park, with him jogging and me walking. It was a fun and relaxing way to finish a very stressful week.

On Saturday we returned to the park so that Robby could continue his event. Again Timmy went for a long jog and seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself. After hibernating from the cold during the past few months, it was nice to be outside and breathing the fresh air again.

Unfortunately tonight we are supposed to get more snow. March snow never lasts long, but at this point I'm ready for Spring. Of course, I don't get a vote in the weather so my opinion is of no import. 

Today is going to be difficult with a contentious meeting scheduled. Please send me strength and good thoughts. It is going to be a very long day. 

Saved By the Bell

Yesterday, work was rough. The mental gymnastics necessary to navigate all of the interpersonal relationships within all of these schools is utterly exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I walked into a backwards episode of Saved By The Bell because of all of the petty comments and gossip that I overhear. 

I know that gossip is present in any workplace, and that in this regard the school communities are no different. I suppose one benefit of being primarily remote was my ability to glide above the personal relationship muck. In any case, yesterday the discord felt stronger and increasingly uncomfortable. Perhaps I'm not the only person who feels on edge from current events and societal anxiety is seeping into the workplace. 

In any case, I'm so glad that it is Friday. I don't know what I am going to do over the weekend, but I hope it involves a nap and no technology.  Have a good day! 

running

 After a classmate cast doubt on the authenticity of the medal Timmy earned doing the Turkey Trot this year, he has been on his own little medal quest. Not one to be told that he didn't really achieve something, he is doubling down on his 5k prowess. In order to prove his friend wrong, Timmy decided that he simply needs more medals. So he talked his Aunt Sheri into doing a St. Paddy's day race with him and he has begun training. 

Yesterday after school Timmy hopped onto his bike and mapped out a .1 mile route around the house. With Friend at his side, the pair dutifully jogged ten laps while I sat in my swing and cheered them on. (I am thoroughly enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.)   Friend was exhausted but delighted. Running with Timmy and string cheese are Friend's very favorite things.

 

 

Secret

 I love the fact that I have been working for five months yet only two co-workers know that I am a below knee amputee. I have worked hard to smooth my gait and I am proud of the fact that it is not noticeable. At the same time, I'm proud to be an amputee and I don't feel compelled to hide my disability. Confused?  I don't quite understand myself either.

 West Virginia is a miserable place to live with a disability. Immediately upon moving to the state I recognized an increase in verbal quips and sneers when I had my prosthesis visible. My decision to wear only pants at work was a proactive move against possible discrimination. I wanted the opportunity to meet my coworkers, and to do the job, without the bias of my being an amputee. 

Somehow, five months have passed and I now feel like I'm safeguarding a secret. I've decided to wear a skirt in April for Limb Loss Awareness Month. Until then, this is our little secret.

 

Catching UP

 Happy Two-Hour Delay Day!

Although the delay has little to no impact on my personal schedule because of my later start time, I have come to love the days when Scott can relax a little longer and sleep in before heading into work. He benefits greatly from the two-hour delay, so I celebrate when they are called. Thankfully the major storm skirted past us and only brought huge white flakes that melted on contact and a little black ice overnight. 

Robby surprised us Saturday morning with a request for us to come for a visit. The majority of the students packed up and headed home on weekends, leaving the campus with an isolated feel. He planned to stay for the weekend to attend an event on Saturday night, so our visit was just for the afternoon. 

We had a great time during our impromptu visit. While I had planned to spend the day cleaning my living room and bathrooms, hanging out with the boys was a much better option.  We went shopping and had lunch at an amazing Mexican restaurant before taking him back to his dorm in the early evening. He arrived back on campus in plenty of time to get ready for his party, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

Sunday was miserable outside, so I spent the afternoon cooking and cleaning. I made beef stew, which apparently I haven't made recently because Timmy had no idea what it was. Initially he claimed it looked like "an old poor person's food." After a spoonful he happily slurped it down and even asked for a second bowl. It may look icky, but it was tasty!

Stay safe and have a great day!

 

Healing Slow

As anticipated, my pinch cut is proving difficult to heal. Because of its location and my need to constantly walk, I feel like I am undoing the healing that takes place throughout the night.  I know that it is slowly getting better, but the progress is slower than I would prefer. I'm mobile. Not mobile without pain, but mobile. I suppose, for right now, that has to be enough.

This morning I woke up to news that Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has been arrested in the UK. I grew up enthralled by all things royalty. I remember watching his wedding to Fergie and being completely mesmerized by the pomp and pageantry. To see how far he has fallen is both astounding and oddly uplifting.

This is a man who is being held to account despite his social and financial status. Hopefully we will take a lead from our friends over the pond and start looking at the men on our shores who have abused young girls.  

Hibachi

 Yesterday was wonky because our schools were open while everything around us was closed for the holiday. Because of this disconnect, more than 1/2 of my students did not show up for school yesterday. I'm not complaining though because it was a nice way to ease back into the week. As a bonus, I was able to surprise Timmy with Hibachi for lunch because my afternoon kiddos were AWOL. Needless to say, Hamlet was delighted!

Today we are waking up to a two-hour day due to ice. Sadly the decision to delay was not called until 6:40, at which point we were already up and ready for work. If the call had come an hour earlier we could have slept in, but instead we are watching TV and waiting for the time to click by.

After several days of rest, the sores on my leg have begun to heal. I'm again comfortable in my socket, although I'm continually nervous that something else will happen. Hopefully I'll be able to maintain a status quo until summer break, when I can start the process for a new leg. 

Have a great day!

 

Shook

 In the early morning hours on Friday Robby was awoken by commotion in the parking lot outside of his dorm. He viewed the heavy police presence as an annoyance because he was trying to sleep. It wasn't until he woke up that he learned the reason for the police activity and it shook him to his core.

A student at Shepherd University was 'fatally shot.' He was murdered, but for some reason 'fatally shot' is the softer explanation. Because the victim was in the same incoming freshman class, Robby recognized him from the orientation activities they participated in last year. It's hard to process when a peer dies so tragically. 

I must admit that I am impressed by the campus security response. Within moments of being notified the surveillance cameras were pulled from across campus. The assailant was identified and cornered in parking lot adjacent to the dorms. He was taken into custody without further incident, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

Robby came home over the weekend to get away from the chaos on campus. We spent a lot of time talking about senseless violence and how to regain your feeling of safety. I know he is going to be okay, but this is going to stay with him for awhile. 

Ouchy

 Yesterday was physically difficult. My Thursday schedule is always busy. I've tried rearranging the kiddos service times, but I haven't figured out who I can move without completely disrupting their existing schedule. So, I go into each Thursday morning knowing that I'm going to be exhausted when I come home from work.

Yesterday was especially painful because the pinch cut opened up about 1/2 of the way through my day. Ouch! I spent the remaining hours struggling to keep my liner from rubbing against the growing sore. By the time I finally walked into the house at the end of the day I was hobbling and walking more like Frankenstein than I care to admit.

I spent the night tending to the wound, and thankfully this morning it is scabbed over. My schedule today is rather light so my leg should begin to heal. I'm going to keep it off for most of the weekend, so hopefully by Monday morning I'll be ready to go!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, but we are referring to it as Saturday. All of the males in this house detest the holiday, so I have abandoned my aspirations of pink and red hearts decades ago. If you celebrate, I hope you enjoy your day!  

Lonely

Neosporin and Tegaderm patches have become my best friends as I try to heal my impressive pinch cut. I'm grateful that I worked out a solution so that I can remain at least quasi-mobile during the healing process. Unfortunately I've been forced to slightly modify my gate to keep the weight off of that area of my socket. This has caused muscles to hurt that I didn't know existed. By the end of the day I'm exhausted and I feel tied up like a pretzel, but I am also relieved that I made it through.

Between the pinch cuts and an increase in work frustrations and meetings, this week has been rough. I am feeling incredibly lonely, which is strange in a house full of people. I love my job and my students, but I really miss having local friends. I've tried to form friendships with co-workers, but it feels either pushed or my attempts are not reciprocated.  

I am struggling because I don't feel like I fit in. I never appreciated how difficult it is to forge friendships in your middle years. I'm just feeling very.... lonely.

 

Ouch

 Ouch.

Yesterday I ended up in the middle of a small scuffle in the hallways, which resulted in my getting shoved into a locker. I'm fine except for the ginormous and extraordinarily painful pinch sore that was created as a result of the impact. Right at the brim line of my socket, the sore slowly bled and oozed throughout the day which made working and concentrating difficult. By the time I finally came home, my liner was encased in dried blood and the skin was raw.

Sometimes being an amputee really stinks, and yesterday was one of those days!

I spent the evening nursing my injured limb, trying to coax the skin into premature healing. Despite all of my efforts, I know that it will take about a week for my limb to completely heal. In the meantime, I am going to be aware of each tenuous step. 

 

SleepOver

 Friday was bittersweet.  My dearest friend's father passed away and I traveled back to PA for his funeral. While I was sad for the occasion, I selfishly admit to being excited to be reunited with my friends. While they were the ones who were grieving, I felt like being hugged by my oldest friends was healing. 

After the funeral I went back to her house and we had an old-fashioned sleepover. It has been a hot minute since I curled up with jammies, ate ice cream and fell asleep on the couch, but it was so much fun. Our sleepover was low-key which is made it perfect.  My goodness I have missed having friends. West Virginia is incredibly lonely.

Saturday I headed back to WV. Although the wind was wicked, the drive was easy. Yesterday was spent cleaning, finishing some paperwork and cooking for the week. This week is going to be busy with meetings, so I'm trying to set myself up for success.  Have a great day, and stay warm! 

snow

 We've had a small break in the cold temperatures, allowing some of the ice to finally melt. Unfortunately it won't last long so I am trying to take full advantage of the opportunity. I hate trying to walk on and around icy sidewalks and parking lots. Although I adore a good snowstorm, I abhor the mobility hazards that are often left in its wake. 

I wish I had something more exciting to share.  The first week back to work after an unexpected snow week is tough! My legs are tired by the end of the day, and all I want to do is hop into a bath and relax. I'm not sure how much of the pain is being an amputee, or just getting old. 

 

Anxiety

 I am finding it difficult to resume 'life as normal' since Scott's latest cardiac event. I am grateful that he is well, but terrified by the 'what ifs.' I know that I need to get my head back into the game because our life as a cardiac family is not going to change. I need to learn to live with the fears, but right now I am finding comfort elusive.  Much like it did over the summer, I'm sure my fear will soften with time.

 Despite my anxiety, I'm happy that school is back in session. I've missed my students, and immersing myself into their realities helps me escape my own. I have been able to forge a unique and special relationship with each of my students. I'm so fortunate because I love going to work each day. My body is tired, but I love the job.