Not Exactly What I Planned...

It has occurred to me that I need to take better care of myself. I have been lax when it comes to making sure I carve out "me time." I feel selfish taking time to pamper myself when I know that I should be working around the house or playing with Robby and Scott. The days in Chicago have reinforced what I already knew to be true. I am a much better wife and Mommy when I remember to take time for myself. I am trying to do better.

I also need to confess that I have been an irresponsible Mommy by not taking better care of my health. If I am not healthy, I am not able to care for Robby and he still needs me. I was referred to a specialist in Pittsburgh for the treatment of the pituitary tumors which were diagnosed in August. I have been playing a one-sided game of phone tag trying to obtain an appointment and treatment direction.

I have not been assertive enough with my messages. I should have insisted on a call back. I should have called daily, and then hourly, until I received a response. Life intervenes, and I suppose I wanted to ignore the obvious. I need treatment for the growths. Truth be told, I'm scared.

Finally, I was able to contact the specialists at the University of Pittsburgh. I am being scheduled for some tests in my home area, and then I will travel to meet the doctor. I don't have a specific date, but I feel that I am at least moving in the correct direction. Progress--so the fear which has been building seems to be abating!

Yesterday I went to my OB/GYN for my routine physical. Upon examination, a lump which was detected in my breast last year by the physician seems to have grown. She darted out of the room as soon as the physical was complete.

After I dressed, the doctor returned with a fistful of papers. I was informed that I needed a needle biopsy, and that it has been scheduled for the following afternoon. Wow! I went for a physical, and I left the office with an appointment for a biopsy. My head is spinning.

I was assured that, in all probability, the biopsy will be negative. I am a cancer survivor, so I am always scared. I know that it is prudent to be proactive. I would rather have more tests that yielded nothing than not have it checked and wishing that I had done something.

Part of me is regretting the commitment I made to take better care of myself. My efforts seemed to have yielded nothing but worry and more work. I now have to drive to Pittsburgh to meet with pituitary doctors. I also need to have a biopsy and follow up with a breast specialist.

Knowledge is power, and I know that I will rest easier when I am in control of my health. Regardless of the outcome, I know that I am strong. Health problems cannot be wished away, and it would be irresponsible to try. I am hoping that, by committing to take better care of myself, I will feel refreshed and energized. Trying to find the bright side, perhaps I can catch up on reading my out of date magazines in the doctors' offices and relax in the car when I drive to Pittsburgh.

** I will update the blog when I receive my results. Fingers crossed!**