Like so many people I know, it is difficult for me to ask for help. I am not reluctant because I fear being indebted to another person. I have no doubts that my friends and family offer assistance because they care, not because they are seeking something in return. For me, asking for help is admitting a weakness. The simple request, regardless of how obvious the need or the reasons, is an admission that I cannot do something. I despise feeling limited, regardless of the unusual circumstances.
Rationally I know that my aversion to asking for help is completely unfounded. I never feel that my friends or family are somehow beholden to me when I help with a project. I certainly don't take their request as a sign of weakness. I just find it difficult to be on the other side of the dynamic.
Although my pride often interferes, I am trying to accept my current limitations by asking for help. In truth, I am more willing to ask because I know that the health of the baby is at stake. I just cannot keep pushing myself to my physical limits. Each time I overexert, regardless of my intentions, I end up cramping and in pain. Although the physical discomfort and cramping is enough of a deterrent, facing the wrath of my family after I overexert myself is almost as scary!
Thankfully my family knows me well, and were able to sense when I was preparing to overdo it. My Mom and my sister came down this Saturday to help move the remaining furniture out of the baby's room. Between the two of them and Scott, the room is now clear and ready for new carpet, paint and a crib. I felt useless as I stood idly by why they all worked, but I also knew that I had no choice. I carried a 5 pound bucket of paint up from the garage and was rendered out of breath and bent over from cramps. Trying to move a computer armoire certainly would have been a disaster.
With the help of my family, the room has been cleared and a huge stress has been lifted. While I hate that I have to depend on others, I am extremely grateful that they dropped everything to help. For the next few months I suppose I'm going to have to continue to swallow my pride and admit that I'm human. I can't do everything, and I need to rely on those around me. I know it won't be easy, but when I'm holding that little baby in my arms I have no doubt that it will be worth it!