Crying

Between the pain and the medication prescribed to alleviate it, the past weekend is a blur. I can get around the house, but moving is both slow and deliberate. Not being able to bend, twist or lift anything has certainly impacted my ability to do much of anything productive.

My mom had been at our house since Wednesday afternoon. While I wish that she could have stayed longer, I know that she has things that she needs to get done at home. We are very similar in respect to relishing routine and home. I know that she was missing her bed, and perhaps more importantly, her puppies. It would have been selfish to ask her to stay, although I'm sure she would have if I had asked.

Because I can't lift or bend, I am virtually useless caring for Timmy. Scott returns to work full-time today leaving us with few viable options. Timmy is enjoying an extended sleepover with his Nana. I know that he is being spoiled and loved, but my heart aches that I am not the one who is caring for him.

I hate not being able to take care of Timmy! I realize that the recovery is temporary, but sending him away makes me feel like a maternal failure. I should be the one taking care of him, and I detest the fact that I am unable to do so right now.

I spent the majority of yesterday sobbing after watching my mom and Timmy drive away. I felt foolish crying so hard, but I simply couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I would blame my overreaction on my new found menopause, but I suspect that it is too early to make that a viable culprit.  I think it was more a result of exhaustion and my fragile emotional state.

Unfortunately, crying after major abdominal surgery is not advantageous to comfort or healing. The harder I cried, the more I hurt, and the pain simply made me more upset. I dove deep into the disastrous abyss of self-pity, and the only thing I could do was fall asleep and try to claw my way back to reality.

Thank goodness for Skype! I am sure I drove my mom to the brink, but I might have pestered her to video chat with my little guy. He seemed unimpressed by seeing me, but watching him play did wonders for me!