I should know better than to consider any plans to be definitive. When a baby is involved, plans can change in an instant. I was expecting Timmy to come home yesterday. My Mom and I had the schedule worked out, and we were all chomping at the bit to welcome our little guy home. Unfortunately, Timmy developed a fever and everything changed.
Wednesday morning my Mom phoned and let me know that
Timmy had a fever. As the day progressed his temperature continued to
rise despite regular dosing of Tylenol. By the time evening set in my
Mom was en route to Urgent Care. Being away from him during his first
illness can only be defined as tortuous.
My Mom, recognizing my
growing panic, had the foresight to conference me into the room when
Timmy was examined. I was able to communicate directly with the doctor,
which certainly helped to set my mind at ease. Even though I couldn't
physically with him, I felt better simply knowing that I was in the loop
The doctor seemed confident in her diagnosis of
Roseola, a common childhood virus. Although I wanted to trust her, I
called Timmy's pediatrician to inform her about the situation and
diagnosis. I was proud of myself for remaining so calm and composed, despite my racing heart and frantic thoughts.
I was delighted when she called me back, almost as soon as I finished leaving the message. Deliberately trying to sound
reassuring, she began to calmly speak.
"Mrs. Chenoweth, you need
to take a deep breath and remember to breathe. Timothy is going to be
okay. Please, I know that you are upset that you can't be with him, but
breath and stay calm." I felt that her constant reassurance was odd
considering that I really thought I was calm. Apparently I was not
nearly as stoic as I envisioned!
Timmy is still at my Mom's house and
will come home as soon as his fever dissipates. I know that he is in
great hands, but I selfishly want him home with me. I want to be the one
rocking him and providing the comfort he needs right now. Yes, I
suppose I am struggling with the omnipresent Mom guilt again.
Timmy convalescing with my Mom, the miles seem to have grown
exponentially. I've been left to sit and fret. I knew I had to get my
anxiety in check when I tried to get a mug for my coffee and my neck
went into an intense spasm. I spent the rest of the day alternating the
heating pad from my stomach to my neck. I can't help but feel that my
body is betraying me.
Thankfully, Timmy is continuing to improve. It is
amazing how quickly little ones bounce back! I'm hopeful that he will
return home in the next few days. Today I have an appointment with my
surgeon to go over both my post-op progress and my biopsy results.
Hopefully I'll hear good news on all accounts, and my life (and neck)
can return to normal!