Summer Space

Spring break is officially over with Scott returning to work and Robby going back to school this morning. The house will be quiet for the first time in over a week. Both boys were sad last night as they set out their clothes for this morning, and I did my best to maintain my solemn composure and to refrain from breaking out into a jig of happiness!

I love having both of them home with me, but I have to admit that I'm delighted to be returning to my routine. I have so many work projects going on right now, I feel like I am in a delicate juggling act to keep all of my responsibilities fulfilled while honoring deadlines and producing quality work. I need time to think, to work, and to write my reports so that I can stay on schedule. None of these come easily when I am constantly interrupted by my 46 and my soon to be 6 year old.

I suppose it is difficult for both of them to fully grasp the concept of "working at home." After all, my flexible schedule allows me to keep up with the household responsibilities without much disruption to their lives. Perhaps my efforts to seamlessly incorporate my work into the family routine is backfiring. I suspect it is time for me to abandon my SuperMommy aspirations because, to be honest, I'm running on empty.

During the past week I've been waking up at 4 AM so that I could get some work completed before the boys woke up. After spending the day cleaning, cooking, working out, playing and being a referee, I'd find myself staying up late just to finish the professional projects I started 15 hours earlier. While I'm glad that Robby and Scott had a relaxing week away from their respective schools, this week has provided me a sneak peak at what my summer might become if I don't make some changes.

This coming weekend I am hoping to set up a dedicated office space although I haven't yet figured out where. I am going to carve out a work schedule for summer months and vacation times so that I don't have to get up before dawn to start working. Perhaps if Scott and Robby see me "going to work" -even if it is just going to a different room- they will realize that I need to be undisturbed. At least, that's the plan for now. If it doesn't work, I may just put locks on the door and wear noise canceling headphones.

Easter Fun and Fatigue

Yesterday was a blur of Easter excitement and fun. Robby is at the perfect age; he is old enough to have conversations yet youthful enough to fully believe the lore of the Easter Bunny. I wish that this innocence would last forever, but in reality I know that I only have another few years (if I'm lucky) before he begins to doubt the magic. I try to make the most of every holiday while he still believes!

Saturday morning Robby woke up and discovered a small velvet bag full of "magic beans." The attached card, written by the Easter Bunny herself, told him to plant the beans in the evening and await for Easter Magic to make them grow. He was chomping at the bit all day to go out and plant the beans, carefully marking each little hole with a stick. I think the Easter Bunny was a tinge overzealous giving him 30 beans- we ended up a virtual forest of little sticks in the front of our yard.

Sunday I woke up early (4:00 AM) because I was fretting about oversleeping and not getting all of the Easter magic ready in time. Scouring the yard in the dark wearing my pajamas, using my cell phone as a flashlight and armed with a basket full of lollipops and a shovel, I must have been quite a sight. Thankfully my neighbors were sound asleep so I didn't have to offer any explanations. It took me nearly 45 minutes to dig up all the beans and plant the lollipops in their place, scatter the eggs, and hide his two surprises.

With a few hours of free time before Robby and Scott woke up, I took the rare quiet time to get some work done. By the time Robby came scampering out to the living room I had finished one report and written two papers. Apparently I can be quite productive when I wake up at an obscene hour and have steady access to strong coffee!

Robby was thrilled by the lollipops that "grew" from the magic beans. He quickly scooped them out of the ground while Scott kicked over the sticks marking the beans that I missed in the dark. Finding the eggs, unfortunately, took a little longer. I had absolutely no idea where I placed them all. Robby enjoyed the hunt, Scott was a tad irritated that I didn't remember where I put them, and I was jittery from all of the coffee I had consumed. Finally we found all the eggs and, to his delight, the Easter Bunny apparently included "slug pets" on several of them. I now understand why they sell plastic eggs.

After an afternoon of cooking, playing, and hosting my family for dinner, I was exhausted. Of course, it isn't a holiday on our street until the police show up. The "Old Lady" that lives down the street called and reported me--again. (She has a history of making erroneous and outlandish accusations against everyone on the street.) Apparently this time I had threatened her (I make a point to not communicate with her) and told her that I was going to turn her into a mummy. She also claimed I was sneaking around our neighbors yard with a flashlight that changed colors (our neighbor just installed new color changing solar lights).

The Officers were very nice, and acknowledged that she has a history of off-the-wall reports and that they are only talking to me to appease her. Still, what an inconvenience and a waste of time and resources. I I'm glad she was asleep earlier in the morning when I was in the front yard digging up jelly beans in my jammies--that would have been difficult to explain!

I finally fell into bed about 10 minutes after I put Robby down for the night, a mere 17 hours after I woke up. My leg was killing me and the bone spur/bursa was angry. I'm glad that Scott is off work again today because I'm fairly certain I won't be able to wear my leg a lot. I hate that my stump hurts, but I figure I have earned a day.

My Trainer Needs Some Training?

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Other than my plastic toes, everything was sore. I knew that working with a trainer would push me to my limits; I just wasn't expecting it to be so painful!

It took nearly five minutes of an internal pep talk before I dared move out of bed. I tried to bend down to pick up my liner when my back and hamstrings instantly let me know their presence. I still think of myself as young and spry. Yesterday my body reminded me that I am middle aged and out of shape.

Today I go back to the gym and face my executioner- err.. I mean trainer. So far I have done well holding my tongue, but today I fear that might change. Although I'm not trained in physiology, some of the exercises simply don't make any sense.

For example, my working on calf lifts seems illogical considering that I only have one calf. It is fine to work my existing leg, but why do I have to pretend to do a lift on my prosthetic? Telling me to just "squeeze the muscle" inside my socket just sounds silly and is a waste of time. I don't want to strengthen my calf on my stump. If it grows in girth, my leg will no longer fit!

Most of single leg balance comes from the ankle. I am missing an ankle; hence, my balance is going to be compromised on my prosthetic side. Encouraging me to balance on my prosthetic and lift an 8 pound weight over my head feels like a recipe for disaster. I can clearly envision tipping over and dropping the weight on top of my head, knocking myself out, and breaking my nose as I fall to the ground. I don't want to break my nose.

I have been hesitant to refer to my amputation when asked to perform the exercises. I have never been one to use it as an excuse (unless it meant leaving a party early but that is a subject for a different blog) and I want to be viewed as able bodied whenever possible. However, it is becoming obvious that my trainer needs more guidance from me about adapting at least a few of these exercises. After all, if I don't speak up and continue to try to please the trainer, I fear I could end up in traction.

Strut Your Stuff

April is Limb Loss Awareness Month, and I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out the best way for this blog to honor the designation. After much thought, I figured that the best way to commemorate Limb Loss Awareness Month is by staying true to myself and my core beliefs.

While much emphasis has been placed on preventing limb loss, obviously a worthy endeavor, I want to do something to address those who are trying to adjust. Self-acceptance is an issue close to my heart. I will never forget the struggle and the feelings of confusion and isolation that I felt after I became an amputee. I was the only one I knew missing a limb, and I felt alone. Despite its pitfalls, the Internet has done a lot to break down the barriers of isolation by allowing amputees to connect and share experiences.

I started this blog to reach out and perhaps to make the journey a little easier for the new amputee. I am frequently contacted by amputees who are terrified to venture back into their lives because their body has changed. Physically they have healed; emotional scars and body image issues many times take a lot longer.

There are 507 amputations every day in this country. Unfortunately too many amputees feel isolated and scared because they are suddenly physically different than their friends and family. I have been an amputee for nearly 9 years, yet I continue to occasionally feel the frustration of "being the only one" in a group. Sometimes, being different can be downright scary!

Last year I introduced "Strut Your Stuff Day" as an attempt to minimize the feeling of being different. I am asking amputees who feel comfortable (and are able) to make their prosthetics visible during the day. Wear shorts, forgo the cosmetic cover, and hold your head up high.

Yes, there will be stares--it's human nature to look at anything out of the norm. But perhaps knowing that amputees around the country are making the same gesture at the same time will help buffer the anxiety that garnering attention can bring. I'd like to invite you to join me on April 28th (the last Saturday in April) for our second annual "Strut Your Stuff Day."

Join us on Facebook, twitter #strutyourstuff or through this blog and let us know how you are going to Strut on the 28th. AmputeeMommy ribbon gear is available through www.cafepress.com/amputeemommy

Our Fire Pit.

The idea of congregating around an open fire on cool evening while roasting marshmallows and hot dogs has been appealing since we moved into this house. I have had the location picked in my mind, but I had been hesitant to bring it up for fear of being disappointed. I was convinced that Scott would not be supportive of a fire pit, and the upkeep and maintenance would fall onto me. Flipping through the ads a few weeks ago, I casually mentioned to Scott that I would like to have a fire pit. To my delight, and shock, he had the same notion and has wanted one for years! Apparently, we experienced a failure to communicate (for the past 7 years).

We grabbed our 20% off Bed Bath and Beyond coupon, piled into the SUV and drove straightaway to pick up our coveted fire pit. Robby, of course, was over the moon excited with the prospect of roasting marshmallows and hot dogs around a "real outdoor fire- like the pioneers did." My boys wasted no time putting it together and, working together, the promised 10 minute assembly time was stretched to 90 minutes.

The entire neighborhood showed up for our inaugural pit lighting. Robby was delighted to play host, offering our neighbors marshmallows and graham crackers for S'mores and constantly asking if they were enjoying his S'more party. It was nice sitting around the fire, chatting and roasting marshmallows with our neighbors. In many ways it was precisely what I had envisioned.

Since our first S'more party, our fire pit has become an evening attraction on our street. After dinner Robby and I head outside and gather sticks (thankfully living in the woods provides us with a seemingly endless supply of kindling). Breaking the sticks against my carbon fiber socket is a breeze and, within 30 minutes we accumulate a large pile of wood for the night. As soon as the fire is lit, our neighbors slowly find their way to our house.

Few things actually materialize as they are envisioned. I can say that our fire pit has exceeded all of my expectations bringing not only family time but also neighborly camaraderie and warmth. I'm so glad that I finally broke down and confessed to wanting a fire pit!

NYC- Through Robby's Eyes

Robby absolutely adored New York City. He seemed to thrive from the energy pulsating from the crowds, the lights, and the sounds. I was afraid that he would be over-stimulated. It turns out that he is perhaps the perfect age for this first time exposure.

I loved seeing the city through his eyes. Where I saw crowds and potential dangers, he saw only interesting outfits and unusual people. I wanted him to keep his hands and body off the ground and floor, but he was amazed by the "diamonds covering the ground." In reality he was seeing broken glass and bits of aluminum from cigarette boxes and hot dog wrappers. I like his perspective better.

The Toys R Us store in Times Square allowed all three of us to become kids. Scott happily munched on an ice cream bar while Robby and I rode the giant Ferris wheel. We were "attacked" by the robotic dinosaur and escaped in time to have our photo snapped. I'm not sure who was smiling the most when we left the store, but I suspect that we each left with our own favorite memory.

After seeing the video a few more times, it was time for us to pack our bags and head to the train station. Robby led the way, stopping only to watch his favorite new performer--The Naked Cowboy. (In case you don't know, the Naked Cowboy is a famous street performer from NYC. He stands in the street, wearing nothing but cowboy boots, a hat, his guitar and form fitting white underpants.) Truth is, we both enjoyed watching him perform, but I suspect our reasons were very different.

Sitting in the train station, Robby managed to locate and befriend an amputee bird. He was mesmerized by the pigeon, proudly informing anybody who happened to look in his direction that "this birdy has only one leg like my Momom." We ended up spending $4 to buy the one-legged bird a pretzel because Robby was becoming frantic fretting that his feathered friend was hungry.

Last night, tucking Robby into bed he began to tell me about his favorite things from New York. According to him, the streets are covered with diamonds, you can eat hot dogs for breakfast, and every little cart sells pretzels. He was chased by a dinosaur and got a helicopter toy as a prize for getting away safely. He saw a naked cowboy singing, a dancing unicorn (drunk/high street performer wearing an odd hat), and was scared by a statue who turned out to be a person. There was a light show going on all the time, and the yellow taxi cabs beep and don't stop. Not all of the birds have both feet but they all seemed happy.

No mention of seeing himself on the Jumbotron. It's a good thing that we took a lot of pictures. He may need to be reminded of the purpose for the trip--someday. For now, having him experience the city as a child is enough.

New York City!

Greetings from New York City! Scott, Robby and I are currently in a high rise hotel in the heart of Times Square- courtesy of my Dad (Thanks, Dad). We have been soaking up every moment and having a fantastic time. Robby is in absolute awe of the city. So far he is most impressed by the Naked Cowboy whom we passed walking to our hotel.

Once I learned that the PSA that I filmed for the Amputee Coalition would be streaming in Times Square during the month of April, there was no doubt that we were going to be taking a mini-vacation. Having Robby and my images streaming on such a unique and public platform is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I just had to see it in person!

Our hotel is directly across from the JumboTron in Duffy Square that is airing our video. Scott and I were both like little kids on Christmas morning when we saw it play for the first time. I have to admit that I actually squealed with delight, and Scott's hands were shaking due to excitement so we missed the first opportunity to film. Robby was busy fretting about a dead pigeon he saw in the road. He is unimpressed with seeing his image on the screen.

I can't wait to write more about our big NYC adventures, but right now I want to get off the computer and back into the excitement of the city. Look for me this morning on ABC- I'll be standing outside the Good Morning America studio proudly wearing my AmputeeMommy ribbon shirt.