The past few days have not been my best. My leg has been hurting, I've been feeling a lot of pressure to get my house clean and I'm nervous about the filming on Saturday. Factor in some hormonal imbalances, and I've been fighting back tears all week!
I feel like there just isn't enough time to get everything done. When I do have the time, my stupid leg just doesn't cooperate. Yesterday I should have been cleaning my kitchen. Instead I spent much of the day sitting on the front porch with Robby, content watching him hunt for meteorites and blow bubbles. My leg simply hurt too much to clean, regardless of how much my kitchen was in need.
Yesterday evening I went shopping with my friend Maria. I was sent a photograph of an outfit "concept" for the video. I was initially thrilled to receive the photo- typically I am left with vague instructions and struggle trying to decipher what look the producers are seeking. I thought that having a photograph of an actual outfit would make my shopping easier.
I was wrong! The photograph was of a super skinny, extremely tall model. After trying on several outfits similar to the one pictured, I concluded that the style was not meant for somebody of my shape. Apparently my bum is too close to my shoulders (i.e. I'm too short) to carry off the dramatic look.
Every outfit made me look short and dumpy. Maria and I both started to laugh when we realized how utterly ridiculous I looked. I didn't look like a sporty, cool Mom. I looked like a Weeble-- the rounded toys that wobble but don't fall down.
Discouraged, but knowing that I couldn't give up, we tried another concept. As I was trying to button into crop pants, regretting my Olive Garden dinner, Scott called. Apparently our riding mower broke down in the front yard. I literally broke down into tears in the dressing room and sobbed for about five minutes.
I am not sure why I reacted so strongly to the broken lawn mower. I am just so tired of everything always breaking. I was feeling ugly, fat and worthless because of my hurt leg. It was the last straw and I wanted to hide from the world!
I wanted to go home, but my knowledge concerning lawn mower repair is limited to what I can Google. I needed to find an outfit because, even if a broken mower was sitting in our front yard, the film crew was going to be arriving at my house on Saturday morning.
It is hard for me to keep shopping when I feel ugly, but I kept searching. Finally, after limping around the mall for another hour, we found something that would work. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. I doubt that I would have liked anything at that point so I deferred and trusted my friend.
Looking at the outfit now, I think that I made the correct choice. I'm still frustrated about the lawn mower, but I'm no longer on the verge of tears. Sometimes I guess I just need to breakdown so that I can move forward. I am hoping that today is a better day.