Growth Anxiety

I am relieved that both my cancer scans and my kidney functioning tests came back yielding a healthy diagnosis. Unfortunately, the MRI images used to measure the size of my pituitary tumors revealed some growth. I avoid using the term "tumor" because I find it frightening as it immediately conjures up images of malignancy. Because they are benign, I prefer to think of them as growths. The doctors were pleased that no "fingering" was evident on the growths, but the fact that they are still present and have gained mass is not comforting.

I've been trying to downplay the impact of the pituitary growths, but truth be told the news of the increasing size threw me for a loop. According to the specialists, I am not yet a candidate for surgery because the risks continue to outweigh any possible benefits. For the time being, as long as they are stable in size and not "fingering," my symptoms will be treated medically.

While the news of the growing growths took me off guard, in retrospect I am not surprised. I've been experiencing increasing symptoms during the past few months. In true Peggy fashion, I've been doing my best both to ignore and to make excuses for the little body flips I've been feeling.

Perhaps the most obvious and annoying symptom of the growing growths lies in my inability to sleep. I am exhausted by the time the sun sets. Not only do I have a difficult time falling asleep, but staying asleep throughout the night has become impossible.

Each morning around 3 AM, seemingly by clockwork, I wake up with a sense of overwhelming foreboding. It isn't a full blown panic attack, but it is certainly enough to keep me from sleeping. I've spent countless hours trying to figure out the source of my anxiety. The results of my MRI scan provided some much needed clarity.

Anxiety and insomnia are two of the hallmark symptoms of pituitary tumors. It is reassuring to know that the source of my midnight anxiety is organic. Having something definitive to blame certainly makes the lack of sleep less frustrating, but it has not helped alleviate the issue.

I'm hoping that changing my medication or adjusting the dosage will help. If I am expected to live with these growths, I need to figure out a way to better manage the symptoms. I'm tired of waking up nervous and fretting through the wee hours of the morning!