No More Delay

Although I have never regretted my decision to amputate, moments when I detest living as an amputee still pop up. Most of the time I live an active and happy life with the only real difference being that my foot is manufactured from carbon fiber and titanium instead of flesh and bone. Every once in awhile a setback occurs, and I find myself cursing and lamenting the fact that I am an amputee.  Yesterday I encountered one of these situations.

I have been dealing with limb issues for several years. In fact, surgery was recommended three years ago to remedy the numerous issues. Not keen to surrender my ability to ambulate, I delayed the surgery and opted to put a band-aid on the issues through prosthetic modifications. With time, my limb has continued to deteriorate. The physical strain of the pregnancy pushed my limb health to the point of no return, ending my surgical avoidance streak.

After consulting with Elliot (my prosthetist), I made an appointment with my surgeon. He confirmed my fears and recommended immediate surgery. The operation is scheduled for next Thursday, and I am not a happy camper!

I knew that the surgery was inevitable, but I have so aptly avoided it that I find myself shell shocked that it scheduled for next week. I feel like I need more time to  get ready, but I also know that I will never feel fully prepared. I'm overwhelmed when I think of trying to care for Timmy without being able to walk and while dealing with post-operative pain. I am frustrated to tears as I think about being without my leg during the recovery. 

Revisions are an unfortunate reality, and I know that the only thing I can do is forge through and put this episode behind me. I hate that I'm facing another surgery, and I find myself wanting to punch the wall and scream "It isn't fair" at the top of my lungs. I'm resisting the urge because I don't want to contend with a broken hand and injured voice box as well.