Step By Step

As predicted, yesterday was bustling with activity. In between meetings and working on projects I met with the Prosthetist to test out my new socket. I find the socket fitting process frustrating under the best of circumstances. I always feel deflated when I slip into a new socket and it doesn't fit. I realize that is part of the process, and that unlike a pair of jeans the socket can and should be adjusted. But I abhor the process!

The socket did not fit correctly and was being tweaked throughout the afternoon. I know that it will eventually be perfect, but the steps that I need to take (literally and figuratively) to get to that stage are frustrating. I used to be an easy-to-fit limb. Everything changed after the surgery a few years ago. 

The re-amputation after Timmy was born completely transformed my limb. While only about an inch of bone was removed, the changes in my limb are profound. I can no longer bear weight through the bottom of my limb, and I am now hyper sensitive to the pulling sensation when trying to wear a seal-in liner. 

I should have returned to my original surgeon when I was having issues with my limb. Instead I accepted a referral for somebody local. At the time I was struggling with a newborn, recovering from a hysterectomy and in survival mode. I didn't have the energy to investigate options, so I opted for the easiest solution. In hindsight I would have done things differently, but that revelation does not help me now.

I become depressed and self-loathing when I think of the ramifications from that leg surgery. I am going to deal with the consequences every day for the rest of my life. While most of the time I have adjusted and I don't think about it, the emotions come flooding back whenever I am dealing with socket issues. Yesterday was one of those days.