September 11 traditions

 Today is September 11.  

Traditionally each year we have baked cookies and delivered them to our local firehouse to honor the events of 9/11. I began this tradition when Robby was 5 months old and I was trying to come up with a way to explain the significance of the day without evoking fear. While we are baking the cookies we always discuss the heroes that rose up during that horrible morning. It's an odd tradition I admit, but it has worked for us.

This year Robby is honoring 9/11 on his college campus. To say that I miss him this morning would be a massive understatement. While I know that he is where he needs to be, I miss him. His absence is especially noticeable this morning when he would typically be helping me measure flour and crack eggs. I know that Timmy is going to miss him this morning when he has to deliver the cookies by himself. (He becomes very shy.)

This is the 19th year that I have baked cookies with the kids on September 11th. Timmy set out all of the ingredients last night in anticipation of baking this morning. Our local firehouse will be expecting our yearly visit.  I recognize that skipping this year is not  an option although I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that my heart is not in.

I continue to struggle with anger and frustration with the police establishment. My brother was murdered by a police officer, somebody who swore an oath to protect him. The good will that was established by the visits of "Officer Friendly" through my childhood evaporated the moment the murderer with a badge pulled the trigger. 

Honoring all "first responders" feels disingenuous this year. I've learned all too intimately that wearing a badge does not define somebody as a good person. Politically incorrect as it may be, I don't want to and I will not honor the police. As far as I'm concerned, the police can bake their own damn cookies and choke them down with their qualified immunity.

I am continuing to bake and deliver the cookies today because I believe it is important for Timmy to honor 9/11. Our baking dialog this year will focus on the fire fighters and the everyday heroes that helped on that horrible day. We are delivering the cookies to our local firehouse because I appreciate the efforts of our volunteer force. However, I am delivering the cookies after 4 pm today because the police officers the firehouse at 3 pm. I'm delighted that our cookies will be enjoyed exclusively by members of the fire department this year.

I waffled about what to do this year but I landed on upholding our tradition.  Perhaps next year I will hold a different perspective. I pray that is the case because I don't like feeling this angry and distrustful every single time I see a badge. In the meantime, I feel good about honoring our fire department while bypassing the 'men and women in blue.'