17 years.

17 years.  

17 years ago I had my amputation. That time feels like a lifetime ago, yet the emotions of that morning remain vibrant in my memory. The petrifying fear I felt on the days leading up to the surgery is what keeps me going on difficult days.

Most of the time I am able to keep those memories compartmentalized and hidden in a little box in my mind, only to be released in small doses and around occasions.  My Ampuversary is one of those times when I allow myself to reflect upon the gravity of the experience, which often leads to me revisiting the pain and anguish I felt. Even though it leads to discomfort, I think it is good to remember and to revisit those emotions because it helps me to remain present when I mentor new amputees.

This morning, as I logged on to begin working, couldn't help but reflect.  I barely recognize that young woman who was just starting out 17 years ago, so full of optimism and excitement about the future.  I assumed that I would have my amputation, I would recover and that I would resume my set career path. 

I doubt that my younger self would believe the way my life turned out. I have settled into a wildly different career, predicated on the limb loss community. I have started a non-profit and I have found my voice for advocacy. Instead of accepting my amputation and putting it behind me, as I had planned, I am now embracing my "difference" and living my best life.  

Happy Ampuversary to me!