Valentine's Day...

Valentine's Day. Ah... love is in the air. All weekend, couples will be exchanging romantic cards and gifts. They will shower each other with candy, cards and jewelry. Expensive meals and sexy lingerie will be enjoyed. At least, that is what we are led to believe by Hallmark.

I am 35 years old, and I have yet to experience a Valentine's Day that in anyway resembles those depicted by Hollywood in romantic movies and television shows. This is my 10th Valentine's Day with Scott. I have all but abandoned my romantic aspirations revolving around February 14th.

I vividly remember our first Valentine's Day together. I blew up a picture of the two of us and walked several laps through the mall until I found the "perfect" picture frame. I read hundreds of cards until I found just the right sentiment. I spent the afternoon making a romantic meal for two. I baked a chocolate heart shaped cake. I set the table with candles and dimmed the lights. Soft music was playing in the background when he came home.

Scott came home, frustrated and grumpy because his bowling team performed poorly. He had the look of deer in the headlights when he saw the candlelit table and saw the heart shaped cake. Just as I was about to put dinner on the table, he grabbed his coat and told me that he needed to "get gas" because he was worried he wasn't going to have enough to get to work the next day. He ran out the door.

Frustrated, I put the prime rib back into the oven and waited. Scott returned about 15 minutes later. He handed me a plastic bag, and said "I hate Valentine's Day. Here you go." Inside the bag was a pack of Cadbury Easter Eggs and a bag of jelly beans. Apparently they ran out of Valentine's candy at 7-11.

He slept on the couch that night. Actually, waking up on the couch on February 15th has become a tradition. For whatever reason, he is just lousy at Valentine's Day.

Scott and I have come to an agreement. I no longer expect flowers, candy or cards. I make pink mashed potatoes with dinner and he doesn't complain. He refrains from performing the "burp dance" and the "name that fart" game for the seven days preceding the holiday.

Scott has been looking forward to this weekend for the last month. I assure you, it isn't because of Valentine's Day. The Daytona 500 is this weekend. This is the inaugural race of the 2010 NASCAR season. (Insert a sarcastic "woot woot" here.)

Although we have agreed to forgo gifts for Valentine's Day, I am considering breaking our pact. I know how much he loves the Daytona 500. It is something that he looks forward to every year, and I know of one thing that Scott would enjoy. I may give him a "flatulence pass" for Valentine's Day, to be redeemed during the race only. And if I'm feeling especially loving, I'll even overlook him burping "Boogity Boogity Boogity" along with Dale Waltrip at the start of the race. After all, that would be truly make the holiday special.