Mommy Guilt

This morning I find myself waking up in a hotel room in South Carolina. This is a short trip and I'll be returning home today. Robby, however, did not find solace in the fact that I'll be coming home soon.

To say that Robby did not handle my departure well would be an understatement. For the first time, he had tears as he kissed me good-bye. He pleaded for me to stay, emphatic that I needed to bring him along so that somebody could "keep an eye on me." He begged for me to stay home for a "snow day" and then asked if I could put him in my suitcase. Tugging at my heartstrings, I was reminded that we were best buddies and that "best buddies always stay together because that's what best buddies do."

It was hard to leave him. I watched my sad little boy looking at me through my mom's window, seeing me drive away. I can't be positive, but I'm fairly certain I saw a tear stream down his little cheeks. I turned off the radio and drove away in silence.

As soon as I turned the corner, I pulled the ponytail out of my hair and I cranked up "Celebrate" on my car stereo. While I felt sad leaving Robby, it was hard for me to contain my excitement. After the past 10 days, the prospect of sitting in a hotel room by myself has been dangling in front of me like a luxury vacation.

My sister has been making progress everyday. Despite her improvements, I would be remiss if I didn't admit that seeing her struggle makes me sad. It's difficult watching those whom you love experience pain. I wish that I could magically take all the "boo boos" away, both physical and emotional, as easily as I can with Robby and a CARS band-aid. I know that I can do nothing more than offer support, babysit and contribute to the meal brigade.

Although I'm working on this trip, I am embracing this opportunity as a chance for me to escape for a few hours. As selfish as it may sound, being alone and not having to take care of anybody feels wonderful. I feel as if I left all of my worries, troubles and stresses at home. If I could only keep my "Mommy guilt" from intruding on my quest for relaxation!