Anniversary Memories

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. I didn't reference the significance of the day in yesterday's post because I wanted to see if Scott would remember without a prompt. He surpassed my expectations by wishing me a Happy Anniversary after dinner. We have been together for eleven years, so surprising me has become rare.

It is hard to believe that we have been married for more than a decade. In some ways it feels like just yesterday, which is a refreshing change from the days that I feel as if we have been together for an eternity. Through it all we have remained a team, and I love him dearly.  Nobody can frustrate me more than Scott, yet I couldn't think of anybody I would want by my side more than him. 

Perhaps the anniversary prompted my reflections, but yesterday my mind kept drifting to past memories. At first I was remembering back to memories with Scott when we were first dating, and I smiled. Then I was thinking about when we first moved into our townhouse so many years ago, and my smile morphed into a smirk. Then I was thinking about my Dad showing up on my doorstep one snowy Sunday night, asking if he could "stay for a few days" and I giggled. Then I was just thinking about my Dad, and I cried.

It angers me that my wedding anniversary can prompt such a visceral grief about losing my Dad. I know that, had he been alive, he would not have remembered the date. I also know that I probably wouldn't have talked to him on that phone that day because we were both busy with work. Yet for some reason, I really began to miss him.   

Like so many things, I have to experience them in order to fully relate. I never understood the fluidity of grief until I lost my Dad. This is a lesson I wish I could unlearn.