Anxiety

 A combination of life and health issues has left me battling anxiety. Most of the time I'm okay and can push the worries to the back of my mind. Every once in awhile, when my health flares, the panic becomes palpable. On these bad days, my Fitbit alerts me throughout the day about my increased heart rate as I struggle to keep as 'normal' as possible. 

Yesterday was a bad anxiety day. When I woke my heart rate was 11 beats higher than my average. By 10 AM, my watched logged what it registered to be 52 minutes of high aerobic activity. I assure you, there are no aerobic movements involved in my morning routine. I knew it was going to be a difficult day.

In an attempt to try to quell my racing mind, I took Friend on a walk around the lake after I dropped Robby off at his guitar lesson. Watching him jump and frolic around the fields lifted my heart and eased my racing mind. It didn't do anything for the organic effects of the anxiety (racing heart), but it did a lot for my mood! Some days I just need to hold on for dear life. Yesterday was one of those days.

I woke this morning feeling so much better. My heart rate has returned to normal and I feel comfortable again. The sun is shining and it's going to be a great day.

Weekend Part 2

 By the time the mall closed on Saturday we were exhausted. Between sleeping on a train cot the night before and the frustrations that continued to plague us since we set up, I was ready to wave the white flag, crawl into bed and fall into a deep sleep. I couldn't wait to get to the hotel for the night.

We arrived later than we planned due to getting lost and traffic so by the time we checked in we were all dragging. We trudged across the hotel property to our room which was, of course, as far from check-in as possible. Finally, we arrived. We put down our bags, slid the key and waited for the green light to indicate that it was unlocked.

Instead of green, the light flashed the ominous red. We stood outside the door for several minutes, trying both key cards and discussing our frustrations. We tried one more time when we heard a scared voice from inside the room say, "There is already somebody in here." 

Frustrated (and trying to keep from morphing into fury) we returned to the check-in desk. The clerk seemed surprised that the room was occupied but promised to give us another that room that he knew was empty. I guess he just rolled the dice on the first room? Unapologetic and unconcerned about such a mix-up, another room key was slid across the counter before the clerk went back to his cell phone. 

After finally checking in, I laid down and fell asleep within 10 minutes. Sunday morning I woke feeling so much better. We hit the mall again and Robby and I stayed until about 2. We left to pick up Timmy and head home while Scott finished sales for the afternoon and came home after everything was packed up.

The weekend was exhausting but successful. Robby has made enough for his first semester at college and has started to fund the second. We never could have imagined that our little table at a flea market could grow so quickly!

Family Adventure

 Oh my goodness- our weekend was so busy and hectic that my head is still spinning. Sitting on my couch this morning it amazes me how much we did since Friday morning. It is going to take me a day to get unpacked and back on track for the week ahead but it was worth it. We were busy and our plans did not pan out as anticipated, but the weekend was definitely one that will be remembered in our family.

Friday afternoon I pulled the boys out of school early and we headed to Pennsylvania. After dropping Friend off for a special visit with my Mom and his cousin puppy friends we headed to our destination. Unbeknownst to the boys, we were going to the Red Caboose Motel to sleep in an authentic train car for the night. Timmy actually squealed with delight when he realized his accommodations for the evening. 

We spent the evening exploring the farm and the motel grounds which also hosted a small petting zoo. I decided it would be funny to take a selfie with the little horse. I suppose I tried too many angles and frustrated the pony because he nipped my shoulder as I was taking the photo.

Sleeping in a train was memorable but definitely not comfortable. Robby was too tall for the train bunks so we gave him the only real bed in the caboose. Scott, Timmy and I each claimed a bunk and settled in for the evening. While Timmy slept great, Scott and I suffered a bit. Perhaps we are too old to contort ourselves for such a long time. We both woke groggy from a poor night sleep and sore from the limited movement options afforded by the small bed. 

Saturday morning we packed up and headed to set up our little FlexyFriends pop-up shop at the mall. Set-up did not proceed as anticipated but we were able to pull it together in the end. By the time the mall officially opened we were set-up but flustered from the stress. Thankfully we were able to settle into a groove for the day.

While we were at the mall on Saturday and Sunday, Timmy went back to hang out with my mom. He thoroughly enjoyed his time and was much happier at her house than he was at the mall with us. Saturday evening, after the mall closed we headed to dinner and another hotel for the night. Scott and I were especially eager to lay down in a real bed. 

Of course, things don't always work out the way you plan....  to be continued tomorrow.

 

Weekend

 I am going to be completely honest.  The anniversary of my accident hit me harder than I expected this year.  There is just something about the scale tipping towards my living my life longer without a functional biological foot. The combination of grief over dreams derailed and my advancing age threw me into an emotional whirlwind. I spent Wednesday trying to keep busy so that my brain didn't have time to reflect on memories. Time was a friend and moved quickly.

Today I don't have time to wallow or reflect. This weekend FlexyFriends will be selling at the Park City Mall in Lancaster, PA. This is our first time at this mall and we are excited for the opportunity. Because it is a few hours from our home (but relatively close to my Mom), we are turning the event into a small family getaway. 

This afternoon I'm going to swing by my Mom's house to drop off Friend. The boys and I will then head to a novelty hotel where we are going to spend the night sleeping in an authentic train caboose. Scott is planning to take a half-day from work so he will meet us there. Hopefully we will arrive in time to take in a magic show tonight!

Tomorrow morning we head to the mall, set up our little pop-up store and start selling. Timmy is going to meet my Mom on Saturday afternoon for a special sleep-over at Nana's. Robby is planning to stay at the mall with us to help sell. Saturday night we are staying in a hotel closer to the mall because I think we are going to be really tired. 

The weekend is certainly going to be busy, but hopefully it is both fun and profitable.  Wish us luck!  If you are in the area, swing by the mall and say hi!

26 years

 26 years ago this afternoon I took my last 'normal' biological step. This anniversary is always odd for me to remember because it is such a sad memory in so many ways. My heart always breaks as I remember the physical and emotional pain that I endured as my life was ripped to pieces over the ensuing months. 

In an instant I went from living my best life to navigating through an unscheduled detour without a map. The computer broke my foot, but it also completely rerouted my entire life. I can't help but mourn for the years I lost due to the seemingly never ending cycle of surgeries. It makes me sad that my carefree life was stopped so abruptly. It also makes me angry.

But 26 years have past and my life has firmly planted onto a new path. I love my life, my family and my career. I barely remember and can hardly relate to the young woman that I was stepping into that conference hotel. I suppose many people no longer relate to their youthful selves. Maybe I just have the 'luxury' of knowing the exact moment everything changed.

What is hitting me odd is that the number of years I have been living without my healthy biological limb now officially outnumbers the time I spent with my foot. I walked without pain for 25 years. I have been dealing with the ramifications of the injury for 26 years. Time moves so quickly!

Today I plan to keep busy. I don't really want to remember. Sometimes memories are overrated, especially when they make your heart hurt.

Technical Repair

 Robby had his enrichment classes yesterday which means that I spent the majority of my afternoon in the car, driving him to and fro. Since it was Monday and his "short class," I opted to stay in the area and run some errands while he was at school. After swinging by Starbucks for an iced tea, I headed to the 3d print supply store. One of Robby's machines is starting to malfunction and we needed a simple replacement part. 

Although typically the technical arm of our family, Scott has avoided interacting with the 3d printers. Whenever there is a clog or another type of malfunction, Robby and I are the ones at the kitchen table taking the machine apart. I have become quite versed at troubleshooting and repairing these frustrating little machines. I'm not sure how I ended up wearing the 'repair woman' hat but here I am, living the dream.

Because I work with the machines everyday, I am quite competent picking up my own parts and supplies. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I was so annoyed when the sales clerk at the store kept encouraging me to "phone my husband to make sure I am picking up the right thing for him." Seriously? Assuming that a woman needs a husband to complete a technical repair is infuriating!

I remember being young and car shopping with my mom. Well, I remember going to the lot with her and her being refused a test drive until she came back with her husband. That was in the 1980s. This is 2024. We need to do better.

Overwhelmed

 The rain and wind forced us inside again this weekend. Sigh. I really wish we were gifted a huge snowstorm this year instead of the consistent cold rain that has been falling all season. This winter, like so many in the years past, has been a complete dud. Oh well. At least my daffodils are blooming and look happy waving from the yard.

I should have spent our weekend inside cleaning and packing. Instead I streamed Oppenheimer and worked on my computer in front of a roaring fire. At least I was productive- albeit not around the house. One of these days I really need to get back into packing and organizing or we are never going to move out of this house.

Did I mention that I feel overwhelmed?