Better Day

Much to screaming Timmy's chagrin, yesterday I took an extra long time getting out of bed. I tried to block out the wailing of his discontent as I slowly stretched and enjoyed being prone for a few brief moments. I knew that it was going to be a long day, and I wanted to enjoy the solitude as long as possible.  Of course, solitude and a screaming toddler don't mix well, so my efforts were short lived. I begrudgingly put on my leg and prepared for the ensuing chaos of another Monday morning.

Just as I predicted, it was constant movement from the moment I picked him up in the morning until I fell into bed at night. Between a near constant stream of work calls, projects with converging due dates, and Timmy tantrums, I barely had time to grab a quick snack for lunch. I hate those frantic mommy days when I feel like I'm barely treading water. I always feel like I'm doing enough to stay afloat but never enough to be really good at anything.

While yesterday I was a good employee, I feel like I was a lousy Mom. I was snappy and impatient with both boys. I know that everybody would have been better off if I had just unplugged, put down the phone and played for awhile. Unfortunately my schedule was demanding and my timelines were pressing.  Perhaps it was fatigue induced, but I went to bed feeling like an utter failure. I tried my best to push the negative thoughts out of my mind, but I definitely had a difficult time decompressing and falling asleep.

Today my schedule is less compact allowing me some much needed playtime. The weather is supposed to be crisp and beautiful, so I think I may take Timmy for a special mommy and me farm adventure. I think we could both use the break from our normal routine.  (Thankfully he is not yet verbal, so I don't have to worry about him telling his big brother that we went to the farm without him.) Today will be a better day!

IHOP Meltdown

Although still restricted to soft foods, Scott is slowly starting to expand his post-surgical diet. He is beginning to slowly reintroduce foods that can be easily eaten with minimal jaw movement. In essence, he and Timmy are now on a similar diet. (Personally, I don't know how he could tire of his milkshake and ice cream diet that has been his main source of sustenance during the past week.)  Yesterday, in an effort to spice up his diet, he spontaneously invited us to join him for pancakes at IHOP for dinner.

I knew that going to IHOP was a bad idea, not because I worried about Scott's ability to chew but because Hamlet was exhausted. He didn't take much of a nap (no surprise) and it was nearing his bedtime. Even though the restaurant was nearly empty, I was on edge fearing an appearance by Timmy the Terrible. 

Timmy the Terrible made his entrance in grand style, shrieking at the top of his lungs as we were trying to put him into the high chair. The poor waiter didn't even pass out the menus and my little guy was screaming and trying to throw everything in his reach. He found playing with ice fleetingly amusing, but quickly tired of the game and returned to voicing his displeasure with blood curdling screams. 

Within minutes of entering the restaurant I was leaving, wrestling to keep an irate toddler in my grasp. I strapped him into his car seat, turned up the radio and let him wail. When Scott emerged with his arms overflowing with to-go boxes, we agreed that we made a mistake.  We will try to take him out to eat again- in about three or four years.

Magic Class

Robby's teacher's son is an amateur magician who occasionally entertains the class with his tricks. His performances have made quite an impression on my little Koopa, who recounts every detail after each visit. After reading a school essay where Robby expressed an interest in learning magic, I knew that I wanted to develop this hobby.

The stars seemed to align with my little guy learning magic. I managed to find the only magic class for children in the area, and it started this week. Hopeful but expecting the class was already full, I called immediately to check on availability. I grabbed the last open space in the class, causing Robby to squeal with delight upon hearing the news.

Yesterday was Robby's first magic class. Although nervous, I could also tell that he was excited. He chatted nonstop as we drove to the community center, peppering me with memories of previous magic shows and asking me what he was going to learn. I loved seeing him so eager to learn a new skill.

While Robby was in magic class, I was upstairs trying to wrangle Timmy. He was busy exploring (which is a nicer way than saying running away from me at every opportunity.) At one point he slipped my hand and took off at full sprint towards a room filled with music. He was busy dancing with the hip hop class by the time I managed to catch up.  This weekend we will be picking up a child safety harness (aka leash).

My little magician finally emerged from the classroom twenty minutes after the scheduled end. He had been talking with the teacher, who patiently fielded his eager student's questions and stories. When I asked him what he learned, I was promptly informed that he couldn't share because of the "magician's promise."

I peeked in on him late last night and found him sleeping with a deck of cards. He apparently fell asleep practicing his new trick. I know he only had one lesson, but I think magic class was a hit!

Farm Fun

 Well, I shattered my promise to take it easy. After a trip to see Elliot for a socket adjustment, I left feeling optimistic that my skin issues were a thing of the past. The rubbing was gone and although my leg was still tender from the existing sores, the cream that Elliot provided made walking considerably more comfortable. Although I probably should have delayed our adventure, the weather was so beautiful that I wanted to soak up every moment.  I sprung Robby a little early from school and we headed out to enjoy the day.

I spent the afternoon playing with the boys at Great Country Farms, a sprawling agriculture themed playground (with the benefit of being a true working farm.) Since joining their CSA (community supported agriculture) program, we have been going to the farm every Wednesday. We pick up our allotted veggies and head into the field to pick whatever is in season, and then we spend some time playing and exploring. Yesterday was our last CSA pick up, and I have to admit that we are sad to see the season end. Adding a weekly farm adventure into our schedule has been enjoyed by all of us.

Timmy and Robby spent almost three hours playing around the farm yesterday, jumping and running. Well, Robby was walking and Timmy was sprinting at full speed trying to keep up with his big brother. It was truly an adorable site! After about an hour my leg started to throb, but watching my boys play and hearing them laugh, I wasn't about to let my leg discomfort end our adventure prematurely. I decided to follow my little farmer's lead about when we would head home. Turns out we closed down the farm.

My leg is sore today, but my boys went to bed exhausted and smiling. The cream Elliot gave me definitely helped to thwart any other damage, so thankfully our outdoor adventure didn't cause any further damage. Hopefully my leg is on the mend, and I can soon put all of these issues behind me.

Plugging Away

After the pain I experienced yesterday morning while trying to get out of bed, it was both surprising and delightful to be able to stand up this morning without any issues. Every muscle in my body is sore, but the absence of pain is liberating. I'm going to continue to nurse my back today in the hopes of thwarting another injury. It's hard to slow down, even with sores and a back injury, when trying to keep up with an extremely adventurous little toddler. 

I am managing to keep my leg sores under control. They aren't getting worse, but to be honest I'm not convinced that they are getting better either. Ugh! I hate dealing with these issues. Situations, such as sores or an uncomfortable socket, always remind me of the fragility of my mobility. I am far more comfortable pushing that reality into the back of my mind so that I don't have to think about it. Again, avoidance seems to be my go to coping mechanism. 

I'm thrilled that my back spasms are over, but I have to admit that I'm feeling sad today. Maybe sad isn't the right descriptor. Perhaps overwhelmed would be more apt. My to-do pile is steadily growing and, as much as I try, I just can't seem to keep up. I guess I'll keep trying. 

5%

I remember a college professor remarking that 95% of all health problems are held by 5% of the population. I was astounded by that distribution. Being young, I shrugged off the statistic with a "stinks to be in the 5%" youthful attitude. Never did I think that his statistic would become my reality.

I have developed sores on my stump.  They are moderately painful, and so far it has not become infected. I'm extremely vigilant about skin health because I have witnessed (through my friends) how quickly a small blister can spin out of control.  I've tried to curtail my walking, although explaining to my little Hamlet that I can't play outside has been futile. Given my circumstances, I have been doing my best. 

My gait has definitely been compromised because of the sores. My adjusted gait has been an awkward strain on my back muscles. My back was sore when I went to bed last night, but I was hopeful that relaxing would help.  I lathered my stump with antibiotic ointment and settled in for the night. 

I tried to get out of bed to get Timmy when he wailed out my 4 AM wake-up call. Instantly I knew that I had a problem. I was frozen by pain, radiating from the center of my lower back through both legs and up my torso. I could feel the waves of spasm waft over my body, rendering me both helpless and in utter agony.  The only way I can come close to describing the pain would be to liken the experience to full body labor.

With each torturous movement, I was finally able to stand. I slowly bent to put on my leg and a spasm overtook me. I knew that I needed to lie flat to stretch the muscles, but I couldn't move. After what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes, I couldn't handle the pain and I was desperate to lie down. I felt captive by my own body.

I fainted. It definitely wasn't the  most advantageous way of reaching my goal of lying flat, but it certainly worked. Perhaps it was my body's way of helping me move.  Although fainting scared me, I was grateful to be lying down where I could I could stretch my muscles.

My back continued to spasm for the next hour, but the intensity and frequency lessened. I was finally able to stand and walk, albeit gingerly and with deliberate movements. I hate getting old. I hate being part of the 5%.

Too Much Research

Scooter spent the majority of the weekend in bed, convalescing from his oral surgery. Although he is still achy and swollen, the deep pain has waned. He is returning to work today, but I worry about his readiness. I tried to encourage him to stay home for another day, but he is determined.  I know that he won't cause any damage by going to work, but I hate knowing that he is going to be in pain.  Because he is trying to return to work, his pain will be addressed with ibuprofen instead of the narcotics that he has been relying upon over the weekend.  I'm hoping that his body is ready to make the transition.

I worry about his pain management, but I think that returning to a routine may be helpful. I was hoping that having successfully completed the surgery would have ended his surgical anxiety. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Only now instead of worrying about the upcoming procedure, he has switched his focus to examining and researching every nuance of the recovery. He is constantly searching forums and websites, grasping onto every tidbit and nugget of information about what might happen during the healing process. My efforts have switched from trying to reassure him that everything will be okay to promising him that everything is okay. I hate seeing him so apprehensive, I wish that there was something I could do to make him believe that he will be okay.

While Scott was resting, I did my best to entertain the boys. Thankfully the weather cooperated, providing two sun filled and crisp days for us to enjoy. Timmy was content running around the yard chasing leaves while Robby worked furiously cracking hickory nuts. We now have a bucket of cracked hickory nuts drying in anticipation of making hickory nut cookies for Mr. Bill. Any guesses about this weeks baking project?