I spent much of the weekend feeling icky. I wasn't sick, but I certainly wasn't feeling well. Lacking the motivation to do much, I spent a lot of time meandering through chores and resting on the couch. Medication, sleep and hydration worked their magic and I'm feeling 80% better this morning. Fingers crossed that I am the only infected individual in the house.
Last week was rough on numerous levels and I'm optimistic that this week will be better. I've had flashback nightmares since the cardiac arrest incident during the Monday Night Football game. The constant news coverage, detailing the heart issues and the CPR response, all brought me back to 30 years ago to my personal CPR trauma.
It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable referring to the incident as traumatizing. I have struggled with feeling guilty about the flashbacks for two decades out of embarrassment and shame. When I was 19 years old I worked as a nanny during the summer break from college. Early in the season a neighborhood child suffered a cardiac arrest. I performed CPR on her until medical personnel arrived but, unfortunately, she did not survive. It was singularly the worst moment of my life, and it left me fundamentally changed.
The constant news coverage about Damar has triggered memories that I have buried and tried to hide. Last week I was plagued with nightmares and flashbacks at the most unassuming times. I'm so glad that he survived and is on the road to recovery. Hopefully soon the news coverage will die down and I can work towards rehiding those horrific memories.
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