Weigh Less, Hurt More

 Bleh.  I was hopeful that my phantom pain issues were behind me. Since receiving my new socket and foot I had been comfortable during the day and restful at night. Unfortunately, during the past two weeks I have done a lot of walking and shed a significant amount of weight. Now my "super comfy" new leg is too big and is already in need of modifications. All of the knocking around within my socket angered my limb. Last night, the stinging and shocking pain decided to make another appearance. 

It took me several hours to find a position that paused the electric shocks shooting through my non-existent foot. I finally fell asleep, but it was not restful or long. Needless to say, today I'm dragging. I am becoming so frustrated with all of these prosthetic issues! 

For most people, losing weight is something to be celebrated. When an amputee loses weight, they are punished with ill-fitting devices and increased pain. I feel like I just can't win!

Sunny

My Valentine's Day went as well as I expected. Scott brought home a balloon (which Timmy quickly commandeered) and I made a nice dinner for everybody. Timmy received a geode kit and Robby was thrilled with his new pocket watch. (I gave Scott his gift, a Bengals blanket, on Sunday before the Super Bowl.) Our day was relatively quiet and uneventful, which was just fine with me. 

This weekend the hearts will come down and the shamrocks will be hung, but today I am just going to concentrate on work. I feel like we are finally returning to a comfortable groove between school and work. Christmas vacation, quickly followed by a Covid infestation, caused our routine to implode. With everybody back on track I am finally reigning in the chaos. 

The sun is shining today and, although it is cold, it always makes me happier when it is bright outside. This afternoon I hope that I can unplug for a few hours and go for a long walk with Friend. He has become my little walking buddy and I have come to rely upon that time to decompress from the stress of the house. 

Valentine's Day

 Happy Valentine's Day.

The holiday is not a big deal in our house (after all, it is filled with boys), but I have always enjoyed it. I realize it is definitely more of a female-oriented celebration, but I enjoy the pink hearts and fluffy teddy bears that fill the aisles after the Christmas clearances are over. My boys have a different perspective on Valentine's Day, but they humor me.

Timmy had his first Valentine's Day card exchange on Friday. As he was gleefully going through his overflowing box I could almost see his views on the holiday changing. It turns out all he needed to become a full-fledged Valentine's Day convert was a box of candy and small toys!

While I enjoy celebrating the holiday, I know that Scott does not. I have learned in our two decades together that he resents cupid and everything that February 14th entails. I hold no romantic illusions about the reality of my day. If I want to celebrate Valentine's Day, I need to make the magic happen. 

Since the Bengals lost last night in the Super Bowl, I know that Scott's mood will be glum. He has been a die-hard Bengals fan his entire life, and was beyond excited to finally see his team in the big game. Although the score was close and they played well, the ultimate loss is all that he will focus on in the coming days. Just as he doesn't understand my enjoyment of Valentine's Day, I can't relate to the results of a sporting event impacting a mood for days.

Honoring a Friend

Yesterday I received news that I had been dreading even though I knew it was coming. An amazing woman has been battling cancer for nearly 10 years. Jami was such a warrior and had overcome so much in her life. It was impossible to imagine that the diagnosis would be fatal. After a brave and graceful battle, Jami quietly passed away yesterday. 

I met Jami nearly 15 years ago when I attended my first amputee conference. She was such a bright spirit, smiling and introducing herself to everybody. She had a way of relating to everybody. She was one of those people who lit up a room and was able to carry a conversation with anybody. 

Jami lost her legs when she was a teenager. She was stranded in her car during a snowstorm for several days, surviving on melted snow and the remnants of french fries that had fallen between the seats. After nearly a week and realizing that a rescue was not coming, she bravely walked into the snow to find help. She saved her life and the life of her friend, but she lost both legs to frostbite. 

She recovered and became a world-class runner. She was one of the first amputees featured in a mainstream advertising campaign (Adidas) and she fought to normalize disability with every opportunity. Jami became a mother and a kindergarten teacher but she always had time to help a new amputee. 

I am heartbroken that Jami is gone. She was so incredibly strong and stoic. The world was a better place because she was in it. I am a better person because I was fortunate enough to call her a friend.

Mixed Blessing

It's a good thing that I had a restful weekend because this week has gone off the rails. I knew that I would be busy, but I completely underestimated the impact of my chaotic schedule. I'm exhausted! I wish I could relax and just watch Netflix, but today is only Thursday. Any plans for relaxing will have to wait another two days, because my schedule is not easing.

I find myself increasingly grateful that we have Friend. Not only is he a fantastic companion for Timmy, but he has become my walking buddy. Friend forces me to unplug a few times a day so that he can go for a long walk. His walks have become my time to decompress and relax.

All of the walking has had some surprising side effects. It is beneficial for my mental well-being as well as my physical health. I have shed 25 pounds since we brought Friend into our family, and it is all because of his walks.

Unfortunately, the mold for my leg was made before we met Friend. My super comfy new leg is now too big. Yesterday it slipped off during our walk and I nearly lost my balance. I was able to correct before I went down, but I know that I need a modification. Talk about frustrating! I finally received a new leg and merely 10 days later it no longer fits. 

Losing weight as an amputee is definitely a mixed blessing.

The "C" Word

I was sitting in the living room, working quietly on my computer, while Timmy was participating in his Zoom class. The topic was for the lesson was empathy and kindness. It was a relatively benign first grade lesson with a book reading followed by a class discussion. Empathy is a difficult topic to tackle in a classroom, and I'm sure that the issues are only compounded with distance learning. 

I could tell that the teacher was struggling to gain class participation. She was asking direct questions and receiving only one or two word replies from her students. I've been in that situation, and I understand the frustration. In what I assume to be an attempt to spark a conversation, she offered a scenario.

"Think of when you see somebody in a wheelchair. You should feel sad for them because they are crippled. You should also be nice to them because they can't walk." Before I could turn my head, I heard Timmy slam down his mute button. He immediately chimed in with his perspective. 

"You shouldn't use that word because crippled is a bad word. Using that word is mean and it isn't nice. You should be nice to everybody not just people who can't walk."

Sounding stunned, his teacher thanked Timmy for the reminder and promptly redirected to another student. My little advocate remained on mute for the remainder of the lesson (which is nothing out of the norm for him.) I'm not a proponent of correcting teachers publicly, but in this situation I was so proud of my little guy. He seized an opportunity to educate and he did it with passion and respect.

1917

 Another weekend has come and gone. It passed way too quickly but, unlike other weekends, I was able to take some time to relax and completely unwind. I feel energized and ready to tackle whatever the week brings.

On Friday afternoon my niece Tiffany arrived for a visit. We ordered delivery, hung out and watched a movie. Robby picked the movie so we settled in to watch 1917. I'm not terribly fond of war movies, but I was riveted. If you haven't watched the movie I highly recommend it. I can't think of another film that had me so captivated. 

On Saturday Tiffany packed up and continued down the road to meet some of her friends. I took Friend to his obedience class. I am determined to have this pup well-behaved!

With the exception of the cold, the weather was perfect for playing outside. I spent hours walking up and down the street with Friend, trying to teach him how to heel. Although he isn't perfect we have definitely made some progress. 

This week is going to be busy but that really isn't anything new. At least I am starting the week with a quasi-clean house and a few extra hours of sleep banked. Between work, school and training Friend, I have a feeling I'll need all the energy I can muster.