Rocking the Stage

Between starting a new school year, trying to get Timmy adjusted to a new routine and worrying about both my brother and my mom, I am feeling depleted.  I am looking forward to doing nothing stressful or frustrating for much of the weekend. With the cooler temperatures drifting into our area, I am hoping to spend a lot of time just walking and playing outside. I don't think I'll have any trouble convincing Friend to join me on my escape plan.

While I am looking forward to relaxing over the weekend, I am excited to go watch Robby's band perform. He is looking forward to the showcase on Saturday and I plan on being front and center. While he doesn't love the songs as much as he has in previous bands, he has worked hard and he deserves to be celebrated. 

Robby's evolution since he started playing the guitar has been remarkable. I think back to when he performed in his first show and I am amazed. I remember the teary eyed shaking kid who was nearly paralyzed with stage fright. While I know that he still feels nerves before performing, he now looks forward to rocking the stage. I am so proud of him.

I'll post videos this weekend of his show. Stay tuned!

Tired

My brother has been transferred to a long term rehabilitation facility so that he can learn to live with his new body. After spending several days by his side, my mom flew back home yesterday afternoon. Although I know it was hard for her to leave him, I know that she is happy to be home. I know that she does not like being away from home and her dog for long, regardless of the reason. 

With my brother out of the medical crisis I feel maybe we can all start to heal. The past few weeks have been emotionally and physically depleting for everybody involved. At this point I find myself wanting to hide in a cave with a good book and no communication with the outside world. Hiding isn't feasible, but it sure does sound wonderful!

 I suppose I could have summed up this blog post in three short words: I am tired.

Quiet Moments

This morning my brother will move to a long-term rehab facility and my mom will board a flight back to Pennsylvania. I know that his journey will be both long and difficult, but I feel a sense of relief that the crisis is over. My mom is exhausted and is starting to wear down. I will be happy to have her back home and resting. At this point, the only thing to do to help my brother is to support and love him.

With patience and hard work, he will learn to adapt to his new life. I appreciate that he did not want an amputation, but I have yet to meet anybody who had "lose a leg" on their bucket list. My heart hurts for him, but I also hold the belief that he will adapt. After all, at this point he doesn't really have a choice.

With the shock wearing off, it will soon be time to get to work. I hope that the rehab keeps him busy because I know how dangerous thoughts can become during those quiet moments during recovery. It continues to feel surreal mentoring my own brother through limb loss, but I am happy that my experience will be able to help him. 

Medical team

My brother emerged from his surgery as an above-knee amputee. We were hoping that the surgeons would be able to spare his knee, but that wasn't to be. I'm grateful that he is alive but I am also devastated for his loss. 

On Saturday morning my mom flew to Texas to be with him. Although she hasn't spoken with any doctors, she has been able to sit with him. I know that he is relieved to have her by his side, even if he is heavily medicated and sleeping most of the time. 

It is my hope that my mother will be able to speak with somebody from his medical team. We have so many questions concerning his immediate and long term care that need to be addressed. I feel like we are on the clock because my mom will only be in Texas for a few days. Hopefully she will have more luck during the normal work week.

Unknown

 My brother is scheduled for his amputation this morning at 9 AM. The level of amputation, along with so much else in this horrific situation, remains unknown. My emotions are jumbled this morning and I am not sure how to process all of this information. Everything happened so quickly!

Please keep my brother in your thoughts today. My mom is flying down tomorrow morning to be with him for the week. She has the benefit of having experienced nursing a child through an amputation, so I know that he will be in capable hands. 

I'll update when I know more.

Struggling

 Sigh. 

While yesterday was better than Tuesday, the strides were not as great as we had hoped. We sailed through the morning with rocky waves, but our boat nearly tipped over in the afternoon. Timmy became confused at the beginning of a lesson and was in tears by the time he was supposed to work on his project. 

After calming him down he was able to contact his teacher privately for help. Within a few minutes he was on the right path and was working independently. Hopefully Timmy will learn to request assistance before he gets to tears, saving us both frustration and heartache. 

In addition to helping Timmy navigate his new school expectations, my heart continues to break for my brother. He is scheduled for an amputation tomorrow. Just writing that sentence has rocked my foundation. I have helped hundreds of individuals as they transitioned to an amputee, but this is the first time I am in this role as a family member.

It feels surreal. 

As of this morning my brother remains non compliant. He is refusing to sign the consent for the surgery which is a fatal mistake. While I'm eternally hopeful that he will change his mind, the uncertainty of this horrible situation is difficult to manage. Today I'm going to stay busy with the boys even though my heart is in Texas.

The Second Day has to be Better.

 I'm not going to lie, yesterday was rough. Timmy's excitement for his first day at his new school quickly waned as his frustrations grew and the hours ticked by. We had worked over the weekend, preparing everything that he would need for school. He woke up early, enjoyed a big breakfast and readied himself for his new academic adventure.

Unfortunately, we were not able to log into the academic platform until yesterday morning. If we had been able to learn the programs I think a lot of our frustration could have been minimized. Instead, we were thrown into the deep end as we tried to manage the various computer tabs. By 11:30 he was in tears.

I spent his lunch break crying in the bathroom. 

After we took a break, walked Friend and regrouped, we were able to finish the afternoon strong. I had a conference with his teachers after class and was assured that he will learn the technology quickly. I was promised that he would adjust to the schedule and the flow within a week. 

I hope that she is correct because I don't want another day like yesterday. It was horrible! Second grade did not start strong, but hopefully it can only improve over yesterday.